Devon with Grand Marshall Cloris Leachman at San Diego Pride 2010

My beautiful goddaughter, Devon, got to ride with the Grand Marshall of San Diego Pride—Cloris Leachman! Devon is seven years old and she has been participating in San Diego Pride celebrations since she was a babe in arms. Her parents Tod and Amanda (who are dear friends of mine) march in the Pride parade annually. Amanda (who practices clinical psychology) has been working tirelessly in many areas of the San Diego LGBT community since I’ve known her.

Tod and I go back almost 35 years as friends from high school back when we were little brats with big dreams hanging out in ravines with our friends playing guitars. Tod was also one of the first people I ever came out to when I was a young, frightened 19 year-old gay kid looking for a place in the world. Tod accepted me right out of the gate, never once waning in his support of me.

My friends are raising their children to be accepting of all people

Now, as I look at the picture of their daughter riding in Pride—and most likely Tod and Amanda were not far away with their other two children in tow—my heart is brimming with warmth and love. I think about my history with Tod and our gay/straight alliance long before such a thing was ever imagined. I think about Amanda’s dedication to the queer community and I think of the way my friends are raising their children to be accepting of all people. Now that’s a legacy!

Tod and Amanda are teaching their kids to go into the world free of bigotry, homophobia and with a sense of community. I am so proud of them!

Exchange ideas, speak out, take action

Sadly, many queer people around the world do not enjoy these freedoms and protections. Many live under the iron fist of political, religious and social persecution that can lead to being ostracized from society, shunned by family, victims of violence, thrown in prison or killed—all just for being gay, lesbian, bi or trans. Imagine how these people must feel: alone, isolated, voiceless and terrified. Forced to hide their true selves for fear of being punished. Sound familiar? It wasn’t that long ago in our local history we suffered similarly.

Bent International Queer Rights

Human rights abuses against queers still happen here in North America to this day. We’ve seen a recent rise in violence against gay men in Canada and right-wing and religious groups continue on their mission to deny rights and freedoms to queers in the United States. Clearly, our work is not done. Not by a long shot!

I’m proud to be part of a community discussion called Bent International Queer Rights. It’s an evening dedicated to discussing queer rights issues around the globe and in our own backyard. It’s an opportunity to become educated, exchange ideas, learn ways to take action and speak out. I hope you can make it to this important discussion and share your ideas on how we can reach out to those who are struggling for their rights.

Here’s what you need to know:

Bent International Queer Rights & Politics
Tuesday, June 29, 2010 – 7:00PM to 10:00PM
Gladstone Hotel – 2^nd Floor
1214 Queen Street West
Toronto, ON

FREE to All

Panelists include:

Kim Vance – Founder/Co-Director of ARC International. Former President of Egale Canada
Marilyn Byers – Board of PFLAG Canada – Regional Director
Arsham Parsi – Founder and Executive Director of Iranian Railroad for Queer Refugees

Visit our event page on Facebook.

Stats Canada has released a startling report about hate crimes in Canada that shows that violence against gay men is up a staggering 35%. The study also says that the crimes against gay men are the most violent of all other categories of hate crimes. The study also shows that about 85% of hate crimes based on sexual orientation are male.

Violence against gay men is up a staggering 35%

These are shocking statistics and call for immediate action by our community and police. The findings do not reveal what is behind the soaring numbers—not that a reason is required—but do show that the queer community is still very vulnerable to anti-queer violent targeting.

I hope these numbers act to galvanize our community once again and shine a light on an issue that will not go away: hate is still out there, in our backyards, and we need to make sure we band together to bring these numbers down by education and activism.

Peace.

We all just seem to be primed for a fight

Our community has become fractious with different groups moving off into their respective corners only to come out fighting against one another: whether it’s fighting about who can march in Pride, what type of event Pride should be or taking shots at individuals in Pride Toronto, City Hall, queer groups and the idea of Pride in general. We all just seem to be primed for a fight. But what are we fighting against? What are we fighting for?

Ask those questions and you get a cascade of disparate answers. Some people are longing for the “good old days” of good old gays being united, some want to hit the erase and rewind buttons and reinvent. Some people are just angry and use this event and the media that surrounds it as a platform.

I’d like to start hearing what queers are for

I love the fact that we have an open society that allows us to express our differing points of view on a variety of issues and topics; that we can keep the conversation going as we grow and evolve as communities within a community. What concerns me is the vitriol that is spewing forth. This is causing more of a breach than a bridge and is alienating more than it is educating or at least fostering understanding. I think there are positive ways to incite change and unite people—even if we sit on different sides of the fence. I’m not being Pollyanna when it comes to this. Rather, I’d like to think of it as being Polly-Proactive. I’ve heard plenty about what queers are against. To that end, I’d like to start hearing what queers are for.

In the interest of changing the energy out there, please take a moment to share what you are for; what you love and what wiggles your happy spot.

Young dykes calling out white gay men as Imperialists; imposing the Canadian system of values and rights on other countries when it comes to queer rights as Imperialist; the oppression queers live under in Canada; the temerity of expecting others to take a page out of our model for human rights. I hear a lot of these statements and it makes me shake my head with wonder; wonder at the name-calling and wonder at when and why did we develop such animosity toward one another?

It’s hard to argue for your queer rights when you are staring down the barrel of a gun

How is trying to create a model for basic human rights (queer rights) a form of Imperialism that interferes with the right/ability of queers around the world to self-determine. I’d argue that it’s a little hard to self-determine or argue for your queer rights when you are staring down the barrel of a gun, or in the process of being shot, beaten, stabbed, imprisoned, in a labour camp or left for dead in a ditch.

Instead of the party line “Woe Is Us” how about voicing some constructive solutions. If you don’t like the western model of human rights, find one that you support from another part of the world: How about Russia? Iran? Iraq? Colombia? Mexico? Malawi? What works best for you?

I’m tired of being talked down to as someone who is a male-identified imperialist by political groups who—allegedly—are working for justice and equality around the world where queers are oppressed. Question: why are YOU allowed to organize, march, shout awareness of atrocities—both political and physical—yet proselytize to me that I’m out of line for saying the same because I’m a…man? Aren’t we fighting for the same thing?

I won’t apologize for being a man.
I won’t apologize for being queer.

How far do you think you’d get in your diatribe about the Imperialist Canadian junta as it pertains to queers in most parts of the world before you found yourself arrested, imprisoned, brutally beaten or killed?

I spent years marching for queer rights. I stood in unity with my gay brothers, my dyke sisters, trans people, and straight people who ‘got it’ to get our rights as not just queer people, but as people. Christ, I fought against homophobia and sexism in the greater society. Do I have to do it again inside the queer community?

I won’t apologize for being a man. I won’t apologize for being queer. I won’t apologize for being a Canadian. And I won’t apologize for reaching out around the world when I can to offer my hand to help someone who is being truly oppressed by their government, police, society, church or whatever. Their suffering and oppression isn’t imagined. It’s painfully tangible.

Count your blessings, not your perceived enemies.

The dust is barely settling since last week’s sudden firing of not one—but four—Proud FM radio personalities: Deb Pearce, Patrick Marano (the morning team), Mark Wigmore and Shaun Proulx (the afternoon drive team).

Their firings were swift and very unexpected by both the listening public and the personalities themselves. According to Shaun Proulx in an interview with Xtra!, the four wanted a face-to-face meeting with station manager Bruce Campbell to discuss and get clarity on some issues and stories that were going around the station. According to Proulx, they were locked out of the studio and later summarily terminated without notice or cause.

What happened at Proud FM that day set off nothing short of a shit storm

The shockwaves that rippled through the airwaves (not to mention Facebook and Twitter) were immediate and massive. What happened at Proud FM that day and to the four personalities set off nothing short of a shit storm across Toronto and even as far-reaching as Vancouver. Queer media picked up the story almost before the second shoe had dropped, setting off a firestorm of gossip, innuendo and ideas as to what was really going on.

While the fired foursome haven’t made a statement as to what happened behind those closed doors that day, there have been a slew of possible reasons for the gutting of the station—most of which coming from listeners posted on Facebook and Twitter.

One school of thought says that Proud FM cuddled up to the queers to get an anchor on the airwaves, even soliciting the community to contact the CRTC to request a signal increase. Another more emotional faction thinks station parent company Evanov Communications (which owns a total of seven stations, including Proud FM) was merely sidling up to the queer community to get more a footing into the urban market. No one knows for sure.

Was Proud FM merely created to be a tax write off?

Personally, the first thought that went through my mind was that Proud FM was created as a write off for Evanov and it got too popular to remain a tax shelter. That is my personal opinion and I have no hard evidence to support it—however, I have worked for large companies in the past who always keep the “loss leader” for just such reasons. And really, Proud FM has never had major advertisers that bring in the big ad revenues.

There is no end to the speculation floating around the ephemera right now, but one thing is sure: Toronto’s queer community is pissed off to the extreme! Many devoted listeners and even those who never listened are thinking there was a great, big pink washing and they feel used and manipulated by the owners of Proud FM who are — mostly if not entirely—straight.

Will Proud FM regain the loyalty of its listenership or will its signal fade into history?

When Toronto’s queer community gets its knickers in a twist, it doesn’t waste time mobilizing. There has already been a Facebook group started called Proud FM The Shame of Toronto which (as of the writing of this) has over 800 members and growing fast.

There are a lot of questions to be answered and a lot of listeners to be placated before the dust settles. It remains to be seen if 103.9 Proud FM—the world’s first commercial queer radio station—can survive the storm of scrutiny and retribution. Will it rise up and regain the confidence and loyalty of its listenership or will its signal fade off into history? Tune in to find out—or don’t.

Happy Pride. We’re Here. We’re Queer. Get Used to It.
Happy Pride. Pass the pot and point me to the party.

As Pride gets set to celebrate its 30^th anniversary, people are asking: Is Pride still politically relevant or is it just a big honking excuse to party?

There seem to be two camps when it comes to the meaning of Pride. One camp believes it is a political event where we take to the streets and demand to be seen, heard and taken seriously. After all, Pride was started because of a police raid on a gay club in Manhattan. The ensuing riots and demonstrations eventually morphed into an annual event that became an international lightning rod for queer rights.

Is Pride still “Gay” or has it
turned into Mardi Gras North?

Over the decades, Pride—in North America at least—has lost much of its political bite and adopted more of a celebratory tone where people (gay, straight, bi, and all the rest) gather by the hundreds of thousands to march, party and dance away their cares. So is Pride still “Gay” or has it turned into Mardi Gras North? Is it still the political powerhouse it once was?

Older queers remember Pride for its politics. I began my “Priding” when I was 19. Toronto Pride was 3. It was a very political time for queers in Toronto. We had recently been through the bathhouse raids and we were still struggling with our basic rights. I remember being part of a youth group at the 519 Church Street Community Centre when we were profiled in an hour-long documentary for a local TV station. There was a lot of hiding behind hats and sunglasses so as not to be ‘outed’ on television. But when we took to the streets, we marched, shouted our slogans, punched the air with our fists and challenged the haters on the sidelines to cross the line and “say it to our faces”. After that, we’d get together and party!

When it comes to Pride,
are you a Ranter or a Raver?

Over the years, the political has diminished as our station in society has improved. Pride was forced to re-justify itself and became an annual celebration of queer rights achieved. There were still political and social issues to be faced, but they slowly became overshadowed by the magnitude of the celebration—drawing not only people from around the city, but around the world. Pride became a behemoth of a party and a leviathan of a moneymaker for Toronto.

Pride celebrations around the world are still largely political (see Jerusalem, Moscow and a slew of other cities and countries), drawing fire from right wing politicians, conservatives, religious leaders and cultures that treat homos worse than wild dogs. There is still the threat of violence, arrest and imprisonment faced by organizers and participants. And guess what? Pride still has its political relevance in North America. This year, Constance McMillen—the teenage, lesbian high school student from Mississippi who wanted to bring her girlfriend to the prom, so the prom was cancelled—has been chosen to be grand marshal of New York City Pride this year. And who can forget the similar circumstance here in 2002 when high schooler Mark Hall faced the same discrimination—and Pride attention—when he tried to bring his boyfriend to his school’s prom.

For some, Pride will always be a political event based in a cultural movement; for others, it is the best party of the year; for others, it matters not. When it comes to Pride, are you a Ranter or a Raver? Do you count the days or do you care at all? What does Pride mean to you?

Please join me at the Gladstone Hotel as I moderate a panel discussion about the past, present, future and relevance of Pride. Admission is free. Seats are limited.

Bent Pride
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
7pm to 9pm
Gladstone Hotel – Second Floor

Panelists include Keith Cole, Natalie Kouri-Towe, Cameron Greensmith, Jim Cullen, Frank Folino, plus guest commentator Ryan G Hinds.

Recently, two high-profile issues have been dogging the Pride Committee: The Guidelines for Participation (centered around the inclusion of a group deemed anti-Israeli) as well as accusations of racism from one of the groups (Blockorama), a regular Pride attraction.

It seems no matter which direction Pride Toronto turns they are met with discontent from activists and the media. But what’s more disturbing to me is the bluster coming from the sponsors.

Personal history: I was involved in Pride 27 years ago. My first pride was in 1983 when I was part of an LGBT youth group. It was thrilling, frightening, exciting and exhilarating. I continued marching in the parade and involved in other Pride activities for the next decade. Then along came the sponsors.

A memo from TD Vice President of Government and Community Relations, Scott Mullin was leaked.

At first, it seemed wonderful that there were big companies lending their support to Pride. It gave us credibility. Sure back then some of them were taking chances aligning their Brand with the queer rights movement, but they did it and that helped boost Pride to the next level.

Now, here we are at the 30^th anniversary of Pride and some of those old alliances are coming back to bite us.

Recently, a memo from Toronto Dominion Bank Vice President of Government and Community Relations, Scott Mullin was leaked to community activists and media and spread like wildfire throughout Facebook and other social networks.  The memo spoke of the guidelines for participation, “activist political groups” and ended with a line asking for clarity on who and what groups will be allowed in the parade and how Pride will implement these guidelines.

I contacted Scott Mullin for a comment on the memo and the issue and his response was to send me to another publication to read his comments.

I contacted Pride Toronto Executive Director Tracey Sandilands about the issue and she was good enough to send me this statement:

“Pride is constantly being used by one group or another as a platform. I guess it’s testimony to our success that we are able to provide sufficient visibility for it to be worth using us. Part of the challenge we face is finding a way for everyone to express themselves in a positive, welcoming and inclusive manner that is in keeping with the City’s anti-discrimination policy.

TD Bank’s letter was purely a request to meet with our co-chairs to understand our position and get clarification. When the board rescinded the Ethics Committee idea, they issued an open letter to the community announcing this. It didn’t get to all the sponsors, and TD – and others – are being lobbied by people on both sides of the argument, so they requested a meeting to clarify – which they are fully entitled to do, based on the level of support they provide to Pride (and I’m not just talking about funding, they provide us with substantial other support such as allowing us to recruit for volunteers outside their shopfront, treasury services during the festival and various other options).

TD Bank is by no means the only sponsor asking for clarification, a number of them are as they don’t know what to say and are getting literally hundreds of letters each day. However, without exception they have indicated they will support Pride in whatever decision we take, which I think is great.  We have had the same reaction from large and small sponsors, community groups and commercial partners.

Corporate sponsors are mostly involved with Pride as they have a desire to support the community – their friends and families, LGBT staff and clients, and supporting Pride is the most visible way they can show their support and at the same time help to ensure the growth of the festival with all the benefit it brings to queer people in Toronto. It’s not just about money, and we are working hard to build an understanding of that fact amongst our community.”

Each side seems to be walking on eggshells with this issue. However, what bothers me—and has bothered me for a number of years—is how corporate sponsors can “lean” on Pride when they see things they don’t like. The sponsors got in on the ground level and have become part of the Pride brand. In advertising, marketing and public relations, brand is king. There is a coterie of brand ambassadors and lawyers who protect The Brand in every way possible.

What bothers me is how corporate sponsors can “lean” on Pride.

In the case of Pride. The Brand is now being seen beside a group that has negative political implications that The Brand does not want to be aligned with or even seen beside. What to do? Use the might of The Brand to pressure an organization or group to remove said negative political implication.

This begs the questions: Who is running the show? And whose best interests are at heart?

As Tracey said in her statement above, “Pride is constantly being used by one group or another as a platform.” So, who should be allowed to march in Pride? My first answer is queer people. A group that has nothing to do with anything queer doesn’t belong in Pride. Probably not a politically correct thing to say, but so what. Gay Pride (as it was once called) was a political movement, a protest and a party to fight discrimination and celebrate queer lives. It wasn’t the St. Patrick’s Day Parade. It wasn’t the Santa Clause Parade. It was a Gay parade.

While people don’t like to mention that dirty word, “Profit”, it is one of the main drivers of any event like this. If not, then why, each year are we regaled on the news and in the queer media about the “over 100 million dollars Pride brings into the city coffers”? Because this is big business, people! None of these corporate sponsors are in it purely out of the goodness of their hearts. Yes, they took a chance by aligning their brand with the LGBT movement, but it’s paid off quite well. They are able to target and segment a portion of the population that studies have shown have a higher discretionary income than most other demographics. Slap a rainbow flag on their product or service and sell it.

The big policing seems to be coming from the corporate sponsors and The Brands.

I know that sounds cynical, but show me a for-profit conglomerate that doesn’t look for ways to increase their Brand awareness, satisfy their shareholders and get a healthy return on investment. That’s just business. Gay. Straight. Other.

Nearly 30 years ago, anyone could march in Pride (queers and our heterosexual friends) and the only policing that was being done was by the cops making sure no one tried to start trouble for the marchers. Now, the big policing seems to be coming from the corporate sponsors and The Brands.

Where does that leave the average queer person?

In a what-took-you-so-long statement, the Pope’s second in command (or bottom), one Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, has defended the church’s celibacy rules; instead blaming homosexuality for the rash of pedophilia that is spreading through parishes around the globe.

He made this ludicrous statement while speaking at a news conference in Chile—where a very high-profile pedophile case is underway involving a priest and a slew of young girls.

“I have been told that there is a relation between homosexuality and pedophilia.”

Bertone said, “Many psychiatrists and psychologists have demonstrated that there is no relation between celibacy and pedophilia.” He then went on to deliver the coup de grace of asinine statements by saying, “I have been told recently that there is a relation between homosexuality and pedophilia.”

Ironically, I was talking with a gay male friend on the weekend about the latest spate of sex scandals in the church and referred to it as “the international ring of organized pedophiles”. That, to me, is what the Catholic Church seems to be—among other things.

If that statement offends you, don’t get mad at me. I, like so many others, am sick of hearing story-after-story of young people being sexually, physically, emotionally and spiritually abused by the clergy. It’s a crime. It is a crime!

The church MUST take responsibility for its actions and not blame gay people.

However, instead of taking responsibility for these egregious actions, the Vatican has decided to sweep them under the rug. When they run out of rug they either try to blame the victim or use some half-assed excuse about “the greater good” of the church.

Now, it’s time to hang it on the homos.

The church MUST take responsibility for its actions and those of its clergy and not blame the victims or further demonize gay people. To think, there could be queers being victimized with violence at this very moment because of the church’s cowardice. This church—and this Pope—have a lot to account and atone for. Blaming gays is just another low road they’ve chosen.

Shame!

File this one under “Things I Don’t Expect At 46”.

I was in a business meeting recently when someone referred to my work with the line: “It’s just… gay.”

I felt like I’d been slapped in the face. I suddenly felt like I was a teenager being called faggot in school. I felt angry. I felt like I’d been personally insulted. I felt voiceless and without recourse. I suddenly felt like the outsider.

To be clear, the work had nothing to do with anything gay. There were no pink tiangles, rainbow flags, men, kissing or having sex. There was no “gay” whatsoever. I had never met the person who said it. I had no idea who they were or what their opinion of gay people was. So the effect it had in that two-second period of time was unexpected.

Funny, no one said anything about it afterward. Were they embarrassed? Were they not sure what to say? Did it even resonate with them because they are straight? Did it register as homophobic? Probably not.

I have a thick skin. I just hate it when a stupid, childish, moronic remark pierces it.

I hear kids say, “That’s so gay” to describe all sorts of things that are “uncool” or “lame” and it drives me crazy. I hear them say it in front of their parents with no dressing down or correction. I hear it becoming part of the popular vernacular, much to my chagrin.

On some level I get that the people who toss off that comment don’t understand what they are saying. But to someone who grew up being called “gay”, “faggot”, “queer”, “homo” and a litany of other derogatory insults, it hits like a hot slap…especially when it comes out of the mouth of an adult…in a business meeting.

Think before you open your mouth.

I actually got angry with myself for not saying anything. I was kind of stunned. I was literally dumbstruck. I have a thick skin. I just hate it when a stupid, childish, moronic remark pierces it. It’s amazing that what someone probably considered a benign, meaningless, silly remark has still got me angry days later.

A good rule: when you are on a business call, watch what you say because you never know who’s sitting on the other end of the line.

An even better rule: think before you open your mouth. Period.