Well my crazy schedule has finally calmed down! Here I sit with fingers on the keyboard and Stoli on ice eager to update you all on what has been happening since our last chat. Where shall I begin? Maybe I’ll begin with Heroine Marks’ Mild Inconvenience of the Day. I have two today!

1. Gingers who try to look hot.

No matter how hard you try, its just not happening. Please stop! Especially you, Lindsay.

2. Britney Spear’ Telephone Demo.

For those of you who don’t know, Telephone was originally pitched to Britney. Her label turned it down. Well, her demo version of the song has been leaked. If you haven’t heard, have a listen. Yikes! Click here.

Moving on…

-I recently was involved in a cooking show set to air later this year on a sister network of W. I won’t give too much away, but I can assure you eating in drag is not attractive! I had a lot of fun on the set, but probably gained 10 lbs. Why must craft services be so tempting?

-Last week, my best gal pal Zanna scored two free tickets to a food and wine tasting at the reference library on Yonge. I can cross off ‘Being drunk in a library’ on my list of things to do before I die. We sampled different appetizers from local restaurants and voted on which restaurant should win. We really just went for the free wine, and boy did we ever put a dent in those bottles! We made our rounds and found one bartender who was very generous with his pour. All the appetizers were seafood related. Well, minus the goose liver. Yes thats right. I ate goose liver. Anyways, Zanna doesn’t like seafood. So after about 5 glasses of wine, we decided to leave and get Subway. We then returned for another 5 glasses of wine. Don’t judge! They were small glasses. Afterwards, we hit up a local bar with Zanna’s friend who gave us the tickets and his brother, a former contestant on last year’s So You Think You Can Dance Canada. Surprisingly, he was straight. I don’t remember much from that night expect singing ‘Don’t Stop Believin” in an Asian karaoke bar. I was reminded that night why I lipsync.

-I’m having a lot of fun with my latest show, h2.0, at Crews and Tangos every Thursday at 11pm with co-host Honey Brown. We love taking requests from the audience, so come finger our boxes and help decide the show. Don’t forget to check out my other two shows at Zelda’s Living Well. On Fridays starting at 9pm, Miss Conception and I hit the stage. This past week, two of my friends thought it would be a hoot to keep buying me tequilla. I don’t think I’ve ever been that drunk on stage before. I’ll get them back! Highlight of the night was performing ‘Love Game’ and throwing a dildo in the air and having it suddenly stick to the ceiling. Kodka moment! On Saturdays, come check out my baby, ‘Spray Cheese Saturdays’. Different guest every week. Character and celebrity impersonations. It is always a lot of fun and a show not to be missed! This week my guest is Daytona Bitch. Love her! Two scorpios=mayhem and laughs! The crazyness starts at 9pm! Last night the Scientologists next door were having some sort of block party celebration during the show. I’m going to assume they recaptured Katie Holmes.

-Tomorrow, myself and the Zelda’s crew(lead by Miss Angelfire herself), will be attending the launch party for Priscilla Queen of The Dessert. I <3 scaring straight people. I wonder if they’ll have free wine too. Could I be any more Italian?

-I’m going to be taking a four day vacation from Toronto in June. I’ll be visiting one of my best friends in Sault Ste Marie. I’m really excited! It will be nice to get away from Toronto and not be woken up by hooker fights at 4am.

*FYI*

This is a new segment in my blog where I share with you queens to look out for, songs to download, and youtube videos that will leave you in stitches.

Queen on the Scene: If you haven’t heard of Amber Ellert, Facebook her. She is a new queen on the scene and someone to watch. She recently placed 2nd in Candice’s Star Search at Crews and Tangos. She will be entering again soon, and she is in it to win it. Check her out!

Pump or Dump: Kelis is back with a new album. You’ve probably heard Accapella by now, but there is another gem off her album that I have on repeat at the moment. Its called Brave. Check it out! Thanks Will for the suggestion! Katy Perry also has a new song out . If you’ve ever been to one of my shows, you probably know how much I love La Perry. Its called ‘California Gurls’. Check it out! Its already been added to my box!

YouTube Video of the Week: It’s time for cat massage! I love this video soooooooooo much. Something tells me she isn’t married.

Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

Depending on whom you listen to, the Village (Church & Wellesley) is either dead, on life support or just going through a renaissance period of rebirth and reinvention. While die-hards stand by the venerable Village steadfastly, many on the Street and in the media are sounding the death knell as bars and businesses shut shop for good or for lower rents in other areas. Is Church Street dead or merely resting? Read the full story

Jersey Shore has become a cultural phenomenon. If you haven’t seen the MTV reality show, I must ask this question: what’s wrong with you? If you love trash television as much as I do, you will fall in love with this show in the first minute! Here’s a quick synopsis. MTV put four guidos(young Italian men) and four guidettes(young Italian girls) in a house on Jersey Shore this past summer. In order to live, party, and find fuck buddies in Jersey Shore, the tanorexic kids must work at their landlords store. Heres the real synopsis: drunk 20 somethings with poor grammar looking to fuck.

One of the biggest criticisms the show has received is that it stereotypes Italians in a negative light. As an Italian myself, I could be offended by the stereotypes (tanned skin, hair gel, and fist pumping), but they originate from truth. Watching this show reminds me of my four years of high school. I was a guido at one point. Thankfully those days are over. My hair can breathe these days. Now, there is a whole new generation of guidos and guidettes out there and frankly they love the lifestyle! If they love it and see no problem with it, why should anyone else? I, frankly, can’t get enough of the trashy antics and are sadden that the show’s final episode airs Thursday night. Hopefully Snooki gets a spin off. PS. HERE IS A LINK TO A VIDEO YOUTUBE REMOVED THAT I ORIGINALLY HAD IN THIS POST. ENJOY! http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4d2ebc8f52/alyssa-milano-s-evolution-jersey-shore

On the subject of TV, did anyone see the episode of The View last week when the ladies had a sexual health doctor on explaining the G spot? I have never seen Barbara so focused on an interview subject. She was leaning in, listening closely. You just know she was on the verge of screaming ‘WHERE IS IT?!’ Too much!

Be sure to come check out Fierce Fridays this week at 9pm at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street) with myself and my drag mother, Miss Conception. We always have a fabulous time, so join in on all the fun!

Over at Zelda’s we also have a new Saturday night show starting Jan 30th called Spray Cheese Saturdays at 9pm. Its a drag show, game show, and talk show all rolled into one! It’s hosted by a new queen named Visa DeCline, a heavily medicated, botox happy socialite who is now broke and stuck hosting drag shows to make money. Every week she’ll invite queens from the street to come in and take on new names, personas, and set lists! This will be drag like you’ve never seen it before! So be sure to reserve your seat now!

Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

xoxo

I’m writing this post the only way I know how. Hung over.

Last night I had a fabulous evening performing at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street) with the legendary Terri Stevens. We had a table of 15 in the front row who were celebrating their graduation from make-up school. I’ve never felt more judged in my life, and I grew up with an Italian mother.  Well, that’s not true. When I purchased the Sarah Palin memoirs, I received some stares from the cashiers. But, that’s a story for another day.

It’s hard to believe that Christmas is less than a week away. I feel as though I’m lacking in Christmas spirit. I think the absense of snow on the ground has a lot to do with this. The way global warming is taking affect, Pride will soon be a winter wonderland. I haven’t even started my Christmas shopping. Hope my sister likes Dollarama nic nacs!

I decorated my tree in the hopes that it would help me get into the season of giving(head). Rather than putting an angel or star of David on the top of my tree, I decided to do things a little differently. I stuck a tiara on top that flashes ‘Bitch’. I had to give it the Heroine Marks treatment afterall.

I bought myself an early Christmas gift this week. Two tickets to go see Joan Rivers live! I’m so excited. I want to see her before she either dies or has her face stretched to the point where her eyes become her ears. By now, I can only assume clothes pins are back there keeping everything together. My seats are in row 12. I could have purchased row 6-8, but I was worried the lights would be harsh and I hate the smell of burning plastic. At least in row 12 there is enough of a distance.

Here’s a funny story courtesy of our friends at Canada Post. I opened my mailbox yesterday morning and found a piece of mail for my former roommate. He was Jewish and very religious. He had plates that were for meat only and others that could only be used for dairy products. I use to tell him ‘Just have a BLT and shut it!’ He moved out shortly after. The envelope that came in the mail was marked ‘United Jewish Association’. Well, didn’t Canada Post stamp ‘Merry Christmas’ right on the front of it? Sinfully delicious!

Tonight I’ll be working upstairs at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street) during what Lena Over is calling her final Cheap Show. Be sure to come check out the show and stay for dinner and drinks! Sunday evening I’ll also be working and performing upstairs during the Christmas edition of the Window Show with Bunny LeBlanc and Bitch Diva(Virgina Richmond is sick, unfortunately). It is going to be a fabulous weekend of events at Zelda’s Living Well, so be sure to join in on the fun! See you there, sweeties!

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

xoxo

Okay, first of all I’m sorry for my absence. Secondly, What’s happening to Church Street?

It’s the straight elephant in the gay room, Church Street’s a changin’. High rents and a shitty economy has had a hand in the closings of such businesses as Crews/Tango, Zelda’s, Il Fornello and now Statler’s And in light of this, gays have quietly been moving out of The Village as well. Is The Village becoming a gay ghost town? Will some gay historians investigate the ruins in future years only to find me (let’s face it, I’ve got enough body fat to outlive you all!) in my shitty bachelor pad, watching Drew Barrymore movies? Will they?!
Sorry.
Anyway, is the economy killing Church Street? No. I blame gay rights. We now live in a world where it’s illegal to prejudice someone because they’re a homosexual. We don’t need The Village to protect us anymore. Now, ironically the government does. And it’s been slapping us in the face ever since! Now corporate straighties are seeking out our gay dollars by stamping their brand over all our rainbows. TV and movies are lousy with dykes and fags. We’re no longer something to be feared. We’re good for one dinner invite and a few decorating/renovating tips at least.
I long for the days when it was wrong to be in a gay bar. The excitement that cops could bust in at any moment. Back door entrances (you heard me) and dirty looks if you got off the subway anywhere near Wellesley Station! Magazines with all the good stuff edited out. Being able to cruise Allen Gardens before the City got wise and cut down all the bushes. Those were the days. There were strength in numbers because we knew it felt good to be bad. And The Village was born.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. If it weren’t for gay rights, I wouldn’t be working at 103.9 Proud FM; a GAY radio station. But think about it…without gay rights, we’d be roving the city broadcasting our pirate signal and avoiding the law. HOT!

Sometimes  you wanna go, where everybody knows your name (bum bum bum bum)

And they’re always glad you came (bum bum bum bum)

You wanna be where… ok, enough of that, you get the point.

Zelda’s has been a Toronto queer landmark since I can remember.  My god, what other restaurant in the city offers nachos served by a drag queen on roller skates under dozens of mirrored disco balls?  I’ll tell you… NO WHERE!!

Kitsh, trailer, showy, tacky, gawdy and over the top don’t begin to describe the atmosphere.

It’s also home to Drag Idol, a yearly drag competition that draws big crowds, big hair and big dreams.

Imagine my surprise, when at 5:30 in the morning and on my way to PROUD FM, I see the Zelda’s sign being dismantled.  What??  Why not remove one of my legs while you’re at it!!  (ok, it wasn’t that disturbing, but it was a shock!)

Up went the notice… and the start of a new chapter for Zelda’s!  See you at the new location!!

I had my mum staying with me for a week recently, because my dad had to come to the city for surgery.  Now, my parents live in London; a city that prides itself on its medical community.  So, you can imagine how serious Dad’s operation was if he had to have it done here.  I thought Mum and I would be pretty stressed by week’s end and that we would deserve a night on the town.  Of course, Church Street is one of my favourite neighbourhoods.  It was only natural that Mum and I would hit the village.  Read the full story