Hello everyone!

Hope you had a fabulous Easter, celebrating the life of a man who was well hung and a nail biter.

It has been awhile since my last update.

Unfortunately, I have been having some issues with my computer. It has been overheating and shutting down unexpectedly. This has been happening while I’ve been working on mixes for my drag shows. Annoying! My computer has become a mild inconvenience in my day. Nevertheless, it has inspired me to start a series through this blog called ‘Heroine Marks’ Mild Inconvenience of the Day’. Everytime I add a new post to GGT, I will include an inconvenience of the day. Lets get the ball rolling!

Heroine Marks’ Mild Inconvenience of the Day – People who end a long and dull story with ‘You had to be there!’

Over the past few weeks, I have fallen victim to that little phrase more often than I’d like. From now on, I think people should start stories with ‘You had to be there’ as a warning and heads up. Will save me from pretending to be interested. Just a thought.

Updates from my end:

-I’m having a lot of fun with my latest show, Spray Cheese Saturdays, at Zelda’s Living Well. It is a 2 hour show where I get to perform my character and celebrity parodies and impersonations, and I’m having a lot of fun making props and mixes for it! If you haven’t checked it out yet, what are you waiting for? This week, my guest is the fabulous Daytona Bitch. Show starts at 9pm! Don’t miss the fun!

-I’m currently working on my makeup portfolio. I’m looking to find males and females who are interested in sitting down and having their makeup applied by moi. If you are interested, contact me at heroinemarks@hotmail.com and we can work something out!

-I put the final nail in my dating coffin on Friday. I joined PlentyofFish.com. How sad. My roommate suggested I join, since my love life hasn’t been crazy enough the past 6 months. I decided to make my profile as ridiculous as possible. Under interests, I wrote scaring small school children, eating in front of the homeless, and recycling. Oddly enough, I have been receiving quite a few messages from guys. They must really be desperate. These fish have been thrown back for a reason! 

-Crews and Tangos will be re-opening their doors soon under new management. Please don’t ask me for a specific date, as I still don’t know. However, one thing I can announce, is that Honey Brown and myself will be co-hosting Thursday nights at Crews once the bar re-opens. I am very excited to be apart of the new bar and look forward to seeing a new establishment open on Church Street. Honey and I still haven’t decided on a name for the show. We both thought of H2. If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave them!

Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

xoxo

So, I’ve had an interesting few weeks since my last post.

I had a boyfriend for just over two weeks. I broke it off Monday night. Didn’t want to do it on Valentines. I’m not that big a bitch. Well I am, but he was different.

What saddens me about the whole situation is that I could see myself with the guy down the road. The timing was just all wrong. We both made mistakes early on. My mistake was dating a flight attendant. At first, it seemed fun. We wanted the same things, had a great connection. We talked about going on vacations and travelling. I was content. I soon realized it was not the best occupation to have when you decide to start a relationship. I would go 4-5 days without seeing him. As a Scorpio, that doesnt sit well with me. I need to have a lover who is close by. Lets face it: scorpios are horny 24/7! He has done drag a few times, so he didn’t have a problem with dating a drag queen. However, there were a few lessons he had to learn. The same ones I’ve had to teach a few others before him. Thinking about it, I’ve decided to share these with you in case you one day find yourself madly in love with a queen on the scene. Here’s a few helpful tips! Kisses!

Tip 1: Don’t think you’re dating a woman. You’re dating a boy. We don’t live as women. The ones that do are called transexuals. They don’t perform on stages, just Homewood and Maitland. You’ll be dating a guy, and a lot of times we’re more masculine than you! I know more drag queens who are tops than bottoms. Just sayin’!

Tip 2: If you’re going to try on wigs, ask first. Nothing I hate more than walking in on someone wearing one of my best and looking like a mess with no dress. The Sherbourne Health Centre is down the street, honey.

Tip 3: Don’t be clingy. If you go out on the town with a queen and they’re popular or well-known, anticipate that people are going to come up to them and talk to them. Don’t get jealous and protective. Its cute in small doses, but ODing is not the way to go.

Tip 4: If you say ‘I’m coming to your show’, SHOW UP! Don’t text them at midnight telling them you’re in Montreal! That example might be a little personal. Oh well. Anyways, if you say you’re going to come to a show, be there. Sometimes queens have a rough night. After all, we’re underpaid and underappreciated in Toronto. Its always nice to have that smiling, familar face in the crowd to keep our spirits high.

Tip 5: Don’t call us by our drag names when we’re boys. Nothing I hate more than a guy introducing me to his friends as Heroine Marks. When you do that, you just come off as a star fucker.

Tip 6: Don’t expect us to always pay your tab at the end of the night with our show fee. I don’t have ATM written on my forehead, do I? Oh I do. How did that get there? I, personally, don’t mind once in a blue moon, especially if I’ve made tips that night. But if it becomes a weekly routine, I’ll escort you to the door. See ya!

Tip 7: Once in awhile, it wouldn’t kill you to carry our suitcases. Its very sweet and any queen walking to a gig in heels will thank you. After all, you’re not being paid to just stand there and look pretty. I am, so get a wheelin’, Mary!

Tip 8: Tip us! It gets the ball rolling. Wink wink.

That is all for now! Hopefully I didn’t scare anyone off from dating queens. We’re really nice people under all the layers. Well most of us.

Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

Ps. Come see me perform at Fierce Fridays every Friday night at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street). Show starts at 9pm with myself and the fabulous Miss Conception! See you there, sweeties!

I’m writing this post the only way I know how. Hung over.

Last night I had a fabulous evening performing at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street) with the legendary Terri Stevens. We had a table of 15 in the front row who were celebrating their graduation from make-up school. I’ve never felt more judged in my life, and I grew up with an Italian mother.  Well, that’s not true. When I purchased the Sarah Palin memoirs, I received some stares from the cashiers. But, that’s a story for another day.

It’s hard to believe that Christmas is less than a week away. I feel as though I’m lacking in Christmas spirit. I think the absense of snow on the ground has a lot to do with this. The way global warming is taking affect, Pride will soon be a winter wonderland. I haven’t even started my Christmas shopping. Hope my sister likes Dollarama nic nacs!

I decorated my tree in the hopes that it would help me get into the season of giving(head). Rather than putting an angel or star of David on the top of my tree, I decided to do things a little differently. I stuck a tiara on top that flashes ‘Bitch’. I had to give it the Heroine Marks treatment afterall.

I bought myself an early Christmas gift this week. Two tickets to go see Joan Rivers live! I’m so excited. I want to see her before she either dies or has her face stretched to the point where her eyes become her ears. By now, I can only assume clothes pins are back there keeping everything together. My seats are in row 12. I could have purchased row 6-8, but I was worried the lights would be harsh and I hate the smell of burning plastic. At least in row 12 there is enough of a distance.

Here’s a funny story courtesy of our friends at Canada Post. I opened my mailbox yesterday morning and found a piece of mail for my former roommate. He was Jewish and very religious. He had plates that were for meat only and others that could only be used for dairy products. I use to tell him ‘Just have a BLT and shut it!’ He moved out shortly after. The envelope that came in the mail was marked ‘United Jewish Association’. Well, didn’t Canada Post stamp ‘Merry Christmas’ right on the front of it? Sinfully delicious!

Tonight I’ll be working upstairs at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street) during what Lena Over is calling her final Cheap Show. Be sure to come check out the show and stay for dinner and drinks! Sunday evening I’ll also be working and performing upstairs during the Christmas edition of the Window Show with Bunny LeBlanc and Bitch Diva(Virgina Richmond is sick, unfortunately). It is going to be a fabulous weekend of events at Zelda’s Living Well, so be sure to join in on the fun! See you there, sweeties!

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

xoxo

Gossip. Its a small word that packs a punch. Its the highlight of parties and has become a form of entertainment for people tired of their mundane lives. People like being the first to spread a tidbit, whether it holds a grain of truth or is a big fat lie. Unfortunately, in the gay community, I think people automatically take gossip and rumours as stone cold facts.

When Zelda’s first closed on Church Street, my inbox was flooded with questions from concerned homos. They all didn’t think it would reopen and didn’t see it working on Yonge. They also told me ‘rumours’ they had heard from the street. They were laughable at best. A month later, the people who were messaging me are now enjoying a good ol’ Bitch Slap in the new upstairs show room of 692 Yonge Street. The rumours were put to a rest and life goes on. Zelda is settled into her new home and I couldn’t be more thrilled with the move.  

At Woody’s this past Friday, I ran into several old friends I hadn’t seen in awhile. Almost immediately, I was asked questions about what’s moving into the old Zelda’s location.  As if I know? I’m not the landlord. So, I told them I had “no clue. For all we know, a McDonald’s could move in there.”

Monday evening, on my way home from seeing a screening of ‘A Single Man’(great film, but my neck still hurts from sitting in the second row) I stopped by Zelda’s to see my co-workers and have a late night drink. While there, my friend and co-worker Chris V mentioned that he had heard from several people that night that a McDonald’s was moving into the old Zelda’s location. Suddenly I felt I had started a really bad game of ‘Telephone’, where what you say changes as it passes through each person’s ear. Ridiculous. That’s the only word I can think of for the whole situation.

On the topic of rumours and gossip, allegedly a Facebook group called ‘The New Crews & Tango’ has been created and is creating quite a stir online. I checked out the page and didn’t find a date for a relaunch. Rather than just accepting what I see on Facebook, I did a little digging and messaged the promoter who has been sending messages to members and offering drag queens shows. I offered to conduct an interview with him through this blog to discuss the plans for the new Crews and clear up any rumours and questions people have. However, my pitch was declined. He said an interview is premature, but could be possible in the future. Oh well. I tried.

Until next time, Happy Gossiping!

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

xoxo