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A QUESTION OF JEALOUSY


I received this question on my recent 3 way jealousy post:

I actually really love my own partner sooo much and he is indeed , amazing for me.   I simply adore every little thing close to him.  The only problem though, is he is friends with far too many females and I hate realizing that he could be speaking with numerous ladies as an alternative for me.   I hate being jealous. I’m trying to just ignore the jealousy but I can’t. Please help me out.

Jealousy for me is a strong desire to be something within the situation other than yourself. Jealousies purpose is to keep you safe but on the other hand it can hold you prisoner.

I love Don Miguel Ruiz. In his book The Four Agreements, one of the agreements he suggests making with yourself is to be impeccable with your word, which is wonderful advise so let’s start there. Don’t just say things, say specifically what you feel, mean, intend.

I believe that people express what they believe about any situation within the first few statements. Let’s take a look at what you said and I’ll offer some ideas to challenge you.  Contemplating the questions I ask you back will help you think about your ‘word’ and it’s impeccability:

I love my own partner sooo much and he is indeed , amazing for me.

To what degree do you love him? Is it the friendship kind of love or the unconditional love that one has for a life partner?  What does it mean to love unconditionally? How do you define amazing?

I simply adore every little thing close to him.

I love this belief and would hold on to it as long as is it true. (Borrowing from Byron Katie:) Can you truly know that ‘you adore every little thing close to him’ is 100% true? If it is not 100% true what is the opposite of I adore every little thing close to him? Can you find proof of how that is true in your life?

The only problem though, is he is friends with far too many females

Too many females? It’s ok to have too many male friends? What does gender have to do with this situation?

I hate realizing that he could be speaking with numerous ladies as an alternative for me.

You say you’re “realizing” so it’s safe to assume that at one point you did not know or have this awareness. What is more true: you realized it or you assume it? What bothers you when he is speaking with other ladies? Do you want to be those other ladies that he’s talking too?  Perhaps you want to be him talking to those ladies?  Is it true that he is speaking with those ladies as an alternative to you? Again would you rather he be talking to you?   If you hate realizing / assuming that he could be talking to these ladies as an alternative to you, why do you continue do it? How does it make you feel when you believe these thoughts? How would it make you feel if you chose never to think these thoughts again?

I hate being jealous.

If you hate being jealous why would you continue to hate? I thought you said you adored every little thing close to him – doesn’t that include these ladies? Are these ladies close to him?  Being jealous so often must serve you, either negatively or positively,  in what ways is this jealousy serving you?

I’m trying to just ignore the jealousy.

How is ignoring jealousy getting the problem solved? Are you at peace and in LOVE with your partner? Do you love him unconditionally? What are the conditions to your love? I believe that a partner serves to help one another discover who we are. When a partner does things that bother you, it is to serve you to help you see who you are.  What is your partner trying to teach you in this moment? You say you’re ignoring the jealousy, in what ways may you be ignoring the life lesson your partner is trying to offer you? In what ways could he support you better in the learning of this lesson? In what ways are you holding yourself prisoner?

… but I can’t.

Can’t for me, means either I won’t or I don’t know how, which is it? If you won’t, I accept your limitations, but question if you’re able to grow with the relating part of your relationship? After all a relationship is about relating to another human beings on a higher level than any one else. Are you able to relate to your partner? Relating is the art of understanding someone else, to understand you have to ask questions and most of all listen are you doing this enough? Earlier you mentioned that you were ignoring your feeling of jealousy, in what ways is this not listening to yourself? Do you have enough of your own relationships outside of the partnership? Do you have an intimate relationship with yourself? Are you relating this to your partner? If can’t means, you don’t know how are you willing to learn?

Please help me out. Thanks

You don’t sound helpless, Are you helpless? You have a great resource in your partner. It’s your life, you are 100% responsible for it, knowing all of this what will be the first thing you do?

Contemplating these questions will bring you a degree of clarity you didn’t have before. I bet if you wrote in again after spending time pondering what you feel, you would write your original note to me quite differently. I offer a great service that responds the wholeness of your life and being. It’s a wonderful way to accelerate over the obstacles we place in our path. Perhaps you would consider my services to support you. Visit coachbe.me

Considering personal coaching? For the months of February and March I am offering, Pay-What-You-Can coaching. Participants must be willing to commit through contract to 12 sessions, come with an open mind and offer an per session payment. Yes you must pay something but it’s worth it. Sign up before March 31st!

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SECRETS TO MY SUCCESS…


Ah yes, those questions that you have about my relationship. We have been making reference to Sister Wives over the past few weeks and this immediately brings me to the number one thing that it takes to be in a 3 way relationship. “Allowing” is something I have been working on over the past year or so. Allowing rather than resisting, for me has provided freedom to my life and most of all movement forward.  My friend Staci refers to this as Grace, I never fully understood this word until now. Living without resisting what’s going on, is living in grace.

So yes, we all do sleep in the same bed although Drasko does have his own place which he tends to visit for days on end. He has a bit of the artistic hermit in him which I completely understand. The rest of the time it’s the three of us. I sleep in the middle and if anyone who happens to be reading this has a solution for the middle guy being trapped under the blankets and over heating please let me know what’s working for you.  The rule here is generally if you’re not sleeping well, you move to the couch.

Okay so maybe I won’t get to all of your questions but please feel free to ask below.

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Clam Slam, Vagine Regimes and Crazy Fun!


Have you ever had one of those days when you just need something to lighten the mood a little? I have the perfect thing for you! Clam Slam! A little known Pride Affiliated event that’s chalk full’o craziness. First of all I do have to apologize to my Trans readers I so really wanted to cover the March that took place yesterday It was one of those event that I personally have never been too and I am aware of the struggles that this community is experiencing. I will cover some of my thought on this, in a whole post dedicated to the Trans Community as soon as Pride is over.

Early in the morning I went into Maggi’s room and discovered a whole bottle of Lorazapams that she felt she did not need to tell me about. I was feeling rather played by the time we had our guest come over to head out to the Toronto Roller Derby. I was in desperate need of something fun and very silly.

The Hanger, is located at Downsview park it’s quite the complex and I need to investigate the goings on there. I was surprised at the amount of space this complex took up. When we approached the building their was of course, music pouring out of what is a massive empty space with a simple rope line on the ground marking out the rink. Nothing like the old ’70s velodrome rinks. The players were skating around warning up and their was an overwhelming sense of camaraderie between the player a stark contrast to when the game was actually being played.

The crowd was so into the event cheering on team members with names like, Mexican Jumping Mean and Sista Fista. Over all the evening was highly entertaining and very fast paced. Those girls know how to have a good time. Hopefully next year they will have a Trans Team ’cause that would just make the whole event that much more fun. I will go back next year. Also The Toronto Roller Derby holds event through out the year so check out their full schedule on line.

In the end the Vagine Regime won 105 – 60 for the Clam Diggers.

Next on the Pride Train for me is Cindy Lauper have a great pride everybody!

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Suzanne Palmer & Ultra Naté Get Soaking Wet!


Ultra Naté and Suzanne Palmer perform at Aqua Pride 2010
Pride Toronto announced today that due to promotional commitments for her new album in Europe, Kelis is no longer able to perform at Toronto Pride. She sends her deepest apologies and hopes to reschedule soon.

However, as an event that never disappoints, Aqua Pride, this year a collaboration between Pride Toronto and one of the events in the annual Prism festival, presents Ultra Naté and Suzanne Palmer. Now in its seventh year, Prism Festival has hosted a variety of established artists including Brett Hendrickson, Kelly Rowland, Peter Rauhofer, Ana Paula, Honey Dijon, Abel, Tony Moran Deborah Cox, Hector Fonseca, Chaka Khan, Mya, Tracey Young, Offer Nissim, Mickey Friedman, Roland Belmares, Lena Love, Manny Lehman, Isaac Escalante and many more.
“This year’s edition of Prism Festival’s Aqua Pride is going to be off the chain with these two notorious divas!  We can’t wait!” says Pride Toronto’s Arts & Entertainment Manager, Mary Zondanos.
In 2010 Ultra Naté celebrates two decades of chart-topping hits. A musical chameleon, Naté is always experimenting new sounds. This year it’s non-stop recording for the diva with the likes of David Morales, Quentin Harris, Nervo (who co-wrote David Guetta’s ‘When Love Takes Over’), Tony Moran and a collaboration with Michelle Williams (formerly of Destiny’s Child). Naté will be aiming for super stardom later this year with the release of her new album ‘Hero Worship’.
Suzanne Palmer, a featured vocalist on many tracks by the Grammy award winning Peter Rauhofer, is back with ‘Big Love’ playing in clubs all over the world. Tracks like ‘Hide U’, ‘Show Me’, her smash ‘643/Love’s On Fire’ (with Tiesto), ‘Luv 2 Luv’, ‘Home’, ‘Sound Of The Drum’, ‘Fascinated’, ‘Free My Love’, ‘Style’, ‘Much Better’, ‘Alright’, ‘Muscles’, ‘Hide U’ Palmer never cease to stun crowds. Having spent the last several months recording, including a recent trip to Israel to record tracks with Offer Nissim, Palmer makes a special stop in Toronto especially for this annual ‘can’t miss’ event.

Since 2006, the Prism team has worked hard to build a solid foundation in the city, increasing attendance by 30 percent at their annual festival over the last four years. Prism takes place this year at the Kool Haus, Guvernment, Skybar, Fly Nightclub and Pride Toronto’s Wellesley Stage.

Year-round, Prism produces events in venues throughout the city:  Prism College, Madonnarama, Britney Mania, Prism Divas, Eden (Labour Day), Arrival (New Year’s) and a slew of other events that keep our local talent busy (Shawn Riker, Marc Falco, Jeremy Khamkeo, Cajjmere Wray, GIA, Lena Love, Jamal, Sumation, Cesar Murillo). Prism was also behind the legendary ‘Queer As Folk Babylon tour’, producing 100 shows for over 200,000 people across North America.

Prism has carved out a reputation for producing some of the hottest late-night parties during Pride Week. Their annual Prism Festival has featured artists like Chaka Khan, Kelly Rowland, Offer Nissim, Ana Paula, Peter Rauhofer, Manny Lehman, Flava, DJ Abel, Francois Sagat, Tony Moran, Tracy Young, Deborah Cox and Sydney Blu.

Single event tickets and weekend passes are on-sale now exclusively at www.priape.com/prismtoronto or through Priape retail locations in Toronto and Montreal. Call PRIAPE at 1-800-461-6969 for more details or for store locations.

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Pride Toronto Launches Free iPhone App!


DOWNLOAD THE FREE PRIDE TORONTO iPhone App!

Pride Toronto this year is launching of its own iPhone application. Designed and developed by Toronto-based firm Mobile Fringe, the Pride app is free and available through Apple’s App Store.

“Visitors new and old will rely upon the PrideTO mobile app to keep track of the various events, the entertainment activities and featured locations throughout the 10-day festival,” says Tracey Sandilands, Executive Director of Pride Toronto.

Powered by Mobile Fringe’s mobile event platform, the app features:

  • List of Pride events with detailed information
  • Map of event locations
  • Affiliated events with map and detailed information
  • What’s On Today – a filter of each day’s events
  • Links to social media, including Twitter, Facebook, Foursquare, You Tube, and the Pride photo album on Flickr where users can post their own photos directly:

Other information available includes contact info for the organization, location of Dis/Ability areas, TTC info and event tips.

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Shaun Proulx talks Yogapalooza with Salimah Kasim- Lakha!

Porn Star Pierre Fitch:  Artist of the Day!

What does Pride Toronto mean to Kyle Rae?  Find out!

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Runnin’ to Artist of the Day: Jully Black!

Celine Dorion? NO! It’s  Artist of the Day: Michel Dorion!  YES!

88 Days of Fortune with Artist of the Day: Ayo Leilani!

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Artist of the Day: MEN!

Grand Marshal’s win Pride Toronto Theme Award!

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Pride Grand Marshals win 2010 Theme Award!


2010 Pride Toronto Grand Marshals Mandy Goodhandy and Todd Klinck will receive the Theme Award at this year’s Gala & Awards Ceremony. Both are pleased to have been selected.

“It means a lot to both of us to be chosen as the embodiment of ‘You Belong’ for Pride 2010,” says Todd Klinck on winning the 2010 Pride Toronto Theme Award along with his longtime business partner and friend, Mandy Goodhandy. “Mandy and I have often felt like outsiders in this community, in that neither of us is particularly conventional. Sex workers are generally looked down upon, even if that is starting to change. So being asked to lead the parade is a huge deal for us.”

Klinck and Goodhandy are perhaps best known as the dynamic duo behind Goodhandy’s, Toronto’s “Pansexual Playground”, which has provided a venue for community events and has been known as a place where trans people, gays, lesbians, fetishists, nudists, sex workers, bisexuals, and supporters have been able to meet under one roof for fundraisers, dance parties, sex parties and networking for more than four years.

Their collaboration extends as far back as 1997 when Klinck became a photographer for Goodhandy’s porn site, then went on to work with her to promote events catering to trans women and their admirers. Eventually the two joined forces officially to open their pioneering club after the 2005 Supreme court ruling make it legal to have sex in nightclubs.

“Some people might think Goodhandy’s is just a nightclub,” says Klinck, “but there is definitely this ‘community centre’ feeling to the experience here. I’m not pretending we are not business people—we are here to survive and make a living too—but there is definitely a lot of joy and positive energy coming out of this place. And it’s a direct reflection of mine and Mandy’s personal values.”

Before teaming up with Klinck, Mandy Goodhandy (a.k.a. Amanda Taylor) already had a long history of being involved in Toronto nightclubs, serving as Entertainment Manager at Club Colby’s, then eventually opening her own club, The Playground. Funds she raised along the way contributed to many community efforts including the building of Casey House.

Todd Klinck, meanwhile, had been closely involved in the LGBT community since he was 17 and active in the first Windsor gay youth group. The success of his first novel, published when he was just 22, gave him a great deal of visibility in the LGBT community, which he used to speak out about his experience as a male sex worker.

“I’ve always been a vocal advocate of the importance to decriminalize prostitution,” says Klinck. “I will be so thrilled when the day comes that sex workers can do their chosen work openly, without fear of arrest or victimization. The decriminalization of sex work is an issue that should be fully supported by the queer community—and most of the time, when it is explained it is—but it’s still not widely understood as an issue related to the queer community. The chance to lead the parade, and to be marching side by side with sex worker activists and all of our other diverse club-related groups is a huge honour to us, and one we do not take lightly.”

Klinck says that though attitudes have shifted dramatically in recent years, there is still a sense of stigma attached to “being a venue that celebrates sex workers, and all sorts of different sexualities, orientations, and gender expression. It has been challenging, especially for the gay male population, to figure us out, because we’re not easily defined. ‘Are they a trannie bar? Are they a bathhouse? Are they a hooker bar?’ It’s been confusing for people, and we have really struggled at times to keep the doors open.”

Despite such challenges, Klinck is encouraged by the progress the community has made over the last few decades. “More people are out now, which is great. I have often said, the people who fought for our rights at Stonewall and in the bathhouse raids did amazing work. Now more and more celebrities are coming out, gays can get married in Canada and numerous other countries, and it’s all helping to create awareness.”

“Trans issues seem to be the next big hurdle,” says Klinck looking to the future. “A lot of people don’t know anything about Trans people. There needs to be so much more done when it comes to teaching people about what it means to be Trans.” To that end, he hopes “the LGBT movement can stop being so divided and fractured.”

Both Klinck and Goodhandy will be doing all they can this year to bring people together. “We both still work as bartenders at Goodhandy’s as much as possible,” he says, “and during Pride, we have events every night. Plus we have some media appearances, and of course, the parade march, so I don’t foresee a lot of sleep!” Such tireless devotion will certainly inspire the sense of belonging these two advocates have helped to promote in the community.

The 6th annual Gala and Awards Ceremony will be held at the Carlu on Wednesday 30th June starting at 6 pm. Tickets and tables can be purchased online at www.pridetoronto.com/events/gala-awards.

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Artist of the Day:  Ruby Jean & the Thoughtful Bees!

Go Big or Go om at Pride Toronto 2010… Say what?

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