In 4 minutes, this video summarises the countless conversations that drive so many trans men (and no doubt many trans women) to leave community once they become stealth to any degree in their life.

The URL is www.xtranormal.com/watch/6838727. My plans to embed the video directly were foiled by the powers that be. My apologies.

I struggled for years with my relationship to “community”, including a two or so year period I now refer to as our “break”, during which I went out of my way to avoid the village at nearly all cost. Having sorted out through some past bitterness and re-engaged with it in a controlled fashion (to this day), I mostly feel comfortable at queer events.

I was inspired to post this video since I still occasionally find myself in the above scenario because of my advocacy work. A peer disclosed some other guy’s medical history to me and she does not understand why I was upset. He didn’t tell me, I should not know. I don’t need to know. And now I know that if she hasn’ t already told him about me, it is a matter of time because my repeated requests not to are filibustered by her assertion that I am partially closeted and she knows what’s best for the trans community. She dates trans men but insists she’s a lesbian. Anyone smell hypocrisy? Call it a “justifiable” double standard if it makes it an easier pill to swallow.

NB: I have no qualms about someone who IDs as gay, lesbian or some other term that implies that they only date people of the same sex while their sexual behaviour does not reflect that. I am opposed to their judgements on how I identify and go about my life.

It was brought to my attention that one of my recent posts left some of you scratching your heads, for which I apologise. The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) has a long and very thorny history with the trans community. That’s putting it mildly.

Between the oral history and what I’ve gathered from Viviane Namaste’s work, I’ll construct a portrait for you. I am sure that it is romanticized and sensationalized but the key points ring true to this day: the trans community had to be very resourceful, self-reliant against an apathetic on the best of days, typically demoralizing medical industry and displayed its incredible resilience through the ongoing adversity.

At the onset there were determined and clever trans people, most of them women. They approached what was then known as The Clark in hopes of getting medical assistance in Canada, rather than trekking across borders. Read the full story

Photo: Shaun Proulx Media

I hope many of you are planning to catch the season two special one-hour opening episode of The Shaun Proulx show tonight (7:30 pm ET – OUTtv). I got a sneak peak and without giving spoilers, I’ll tell you why you’re in for a treat.

First and foremost, it’s the most intimate and revealing interview I have ever seen of Buck Angel, the person behind the devilishly handsome trans man porn star. I have seen and read many interviews of Angel’s over the years. Prior to seeing Shaun’s show yesterday, I found an interview Buck did for a Dutch show,  a good one because it went into topics and depths that are not permitted within mainstream US media. But Shaun dug even deeper in his interview, both into Buck’s past and current life.

The real treat for me was that Shaun did it without sensationalizing it à la Jerry Springer, as so many others have. Surgeries are discussed without Buck needing to lift his shirt and become like a specimen on display at a museum. Buck’s transition is well framed as part of the story, rather than the sole defining factor, and the medical transition itself made into the central climatic part of his warm and frank exchange with Shaun.

Shaun’s questions were a welcome change, refreshing, poignant, and revealed the day-to-day person Buck is outside of his job. I know many of Bucks’ fans will enjoy getting to know him as a person, not just a celebrity. Buck’s is as always charismatic and candid, offering a trip down memory lanes both good and bad that reveal when and how he became the wonderful coy sexy porn producer and star he is today.

I definitely encourage anyone wanting to know more about Buck – whether you’re a fan of his work or not, and especially those who are not familiar with him – to check out tonight’s The Shaun Proulx Show on OUTtv at 7:30. It’s not to be missed. (Click here for a clip.)

I’m very excited about the upcoming Building a Fuller Future: A Trans Conference happening June 12th from 3 to 10pm at the 519!

I’m particularly looking forward to the stealth speed networking and I hope it’s not at the same time as the session on facial hair styling. I don’t do a bad job with the latter, I’ve come a l-o-n-g way since the first time I trimmed sideburns, but I’d like to know some variety. The handful of times I strayed from my usual, I came to learn there was more to it than a razor, shaving cream and warm water. I hope electrical shavers will be touched on because I’ve had two, and they were not created equal. I still miss my 1st one (it died a most inconsiderate death) and the 2nd one simply isn’t working out.

CAMH is jerking me around. No wait, that’s not new. But never under estimate its ability to come up with new and increasingly creative ways to drive people bonkers. In their defense, that’s job security.

Queer season is clearly in full effect with Inside Out and May 17th celebrations. It shows no sign of slowing down before Pride; I’m beginning to wonder when I will sleep certain weeks. I’ve been invited to volunteer at countless Pride regatta, fundraisers and the likes. I typically volunteer my butt off as my way of working around my shyness but I’ve decided this year to cut back some. I would like to march in the trans march this year and to attend a few other events as a participant rather than an organizer for a change.

I hope everyone’s well and surviving/enjoying queer season.

I’d like to share what some of us call “ghost moments”. There are different kinds. Some times I recognize someone but I’m not recognized. Said person has not seen me since I medically transitioned. The result is that I’m read as a male stranger instead of a former acquaintance. In effect, I see them but they do not see me.
Other times people evoke gender essentialism, usually about (my assumed) childhood. These moments can leave me utterly confused though usually at least part of me is laughing.
Read the full story

I went to the Rainbow Health Ontario conference last week and am still processing the wealth of information I absorbed. In particular there were representatives from WPATH giving an update on their recommendations to the APA as well as insight’s into the direction taken by the working group reviewing what is presently called Gender Identity Disorder for the upcoming DSM V (expected now in 2013.) There was discussion on the need to have one version of the condition per age group with NOS and whether or not there should be other subcategories. Welcome to the confusing world of “trans-speak”; acronyms are aplenty and only begin to give an idea of the daunting politics at play. I’m including a quick and dirty glossary of terms at the bottom of the entry. Read the full story

I’m a dog owner. I’ve had other pets along the way but the bottom line for me is that my home isn’t a home if there’s no pet in it and I’m partial to dogs. I had to leave behind my beloved perrito with my parents when I went off to get post-secondary education. My mother told me he slept at the door of my room for months before finally accepting that I would not be there in the morning. That dog redefines loyalty.
As quickly as I got out of residence, I got the princess that reigns over my home. Later that year, I began hormone replacement therapy. I did not worry about my princess because she was there every day as my body morphed and it turns out she’s quite the fan of beards!

A year later I went to visit my parents. My parents braced me for how much older my perrito had gotten since I left, from virtually all of his fur becoming white to the reality that his legs and hips could no longer manage stairs. I worried he would not recognize me and my heart would be crushed. Pre-emptively to lessen the blow, I reminded myself that my voice had dropped and my testosterone fuelled BO bares no resemblance to the person that carried him home and trained him all those years ago. Read the full story

A transguy recently complained that it was absurd how much easier it was for him to get a prescription for a medication he needs at most once every six month than to start testosterone, which would improve his health every day. He is frustrated that he must twirl his thumbs during a waiting list over 2 years long. It does not add up but he does not know the full extent of the ridicule likely ahead of him when he finally does have a prescription.

Here is a small selection of my growing collection of horror stories. In the days prior to learning how to self-inject, one of my shots fell on a week my GP was away. The substitute doctor denied my shot on the account that I was balding too fast. All of the blood work I have had to date puts my testosterone count within the medically preferred range, my red hemoglobin count has always been fine ditto with my blood pressure, cholesterol and liver functions. Based solely on the speed of hair loss, which in my case is due to genetic predisposition, I could not access my previously doctor sanctioned dose from a vial already prescribed. This incident coupled with bad experiences with trans-ignorant nurses motivated me to learn how to self-inject. That way I could avoid future dilemmas. Or so I thought.
Read the full story

I have been working towards bottom surgery for years. Having done much research and extensive soul searching, I have decided I want phalloplasty (phallo for short) with urethral extension (aka u hook-up) and scrottoplasty. In other words: I want the ability to pee my name in snow. It’s the little things in life, right?

My top priorities are size and ability to pee out of my dick. A close third is least visible scars as possible. Other priorities that can be more important for other guys include erotic sensation, number of procedures (their toll on body and mind), existing tattoos and scars placements (when deciding donor site, though this is not a concern to all) as well as cost. There are also with all donor sites potential complications (in terms of swelling, grafts not taking, and so on) and it is wise to factor in where one is more wiling or able to handle that. (e.g. I need maximum dexterity in my wrist but I’m not as concerned with my thigh given my lifestyle and hobbies) Also, each procedure (the forming of the phallus, glandplasty, u hook-up, testicular implants and stiffener) comes with potential complications, and not everyone has the same comfort level with those individual risks. In short, not everyone getting bottom surgery gets “the works” even if they can afford it and on some level want it.
Read the full story

The prospect of mandatory full body scans at airports has ruffled many feathers. I’ve read about people worried it could provide material for pedophiles. On trans men bottom surgery forums many are worried that these machines will create all sort of havoc whether they are pre or post surgery.

There are those worried that their packers will become suspect and result in strip searches. Others are concerned that the liquid in their erectile devices will get them similar fates if not worse unless they start carrying around the surgical letter explaining which device they have inside their bodies. All around, there is anxiety about these scans disclosing their medical history.
Read the full story