Yesterday was an odd day for me.  I didn’t go home to go to London for Thanksgiving because my parents are going to be here for a medical appointment tomorrow.  The plan was to celebrate the holiday a day late and in a hospital cafeteria.  Classy, eh?  The plan changed on Wednesday afternoon, when I got word that my friend, Gary, had died in Waterloo.  His funeral is tomorrow, in his hometown.  I won’t see my biological family for the holiday, but I will reunite with my “Waterloo family” during dinner tonight and when some of us make the drive to the funeral.

Gary was one of my attendants in Waterloo; someone who helped me get dressed, eat, do the laundry, etc. I have a close relationship with all of my attendants.  You can’t help but get close; they come to know everything from how you like your steak, to what kind of underwear you wear.  Gary was different though; he was gay too, and like me, someone who was going to become a university professor.  So, despite an almost twenty year age difference, we became very close.  He was the only older, queer man I knew during my first few years as an openly gay man.  He told me stories about the early queer scene in Kitchener and sat with me when I was heartbroken.

Yesterday was also International Coming Out Day and I was reflecting on how Gary impacted my queer identity.  So, there I was last night with my single lamb chop; a bit lonely, yet with a great feeling of being surrounded by people who I love, sad that we lost a friend far too soon, yet rejoicing in all that he was.  I guess I was reminded of life’s paradoxes last night and was thankful for it.