Everyone knows that trust game where you fall into another person, trusting that they will catch you.  The idea is that you trust someone to keep you from hitting the ground. When practicing BDSM that amount of trust is required to the power of 10. Instead of trusting a person won’t instinctively stop you from hitting the ground, you have to trust they consciously have your best interests at heart.

If you are going to allow someone to tie you up, hold you down and beat you, you have to trust them. You must trust they will stop when you want them. That they won’t try some shady shit once your restrained. It is through this trust that you are able to truly experience the full experience. When you trust someone, your fight or flight response simply becomes a delightful, impassioned and incredibly erotic ride.

I recently found myself in such a situation. The man I am involved with my safety both emotionally and physically. He is someone who has proved he in fact has my best interests at heart. I know if it gets too intense he will slow down or stop. That he wouldn’t pull something that would upset me. That I am safe with him. The result is being able to full allow yourself to fall. An intense and mind blowing rush which truly has to be experienced to be understood.

People wonder why kinky folk do the things we do. This is why. It is the true intensity and thrill that comes with exploration in a safe place. Letting yourself fall, knowing full well that there will be a person there to catch you before you hit the ground.

Over the years I’ve received all kinds of emails from people around the world.  Anything from someone wanting a “travel” companion to young guys in rural towns asking for advice on how to come out of the closet.

A constant is the solicitation to have sex.  Why not?  Hell, it’s what I’ve made my name on.  Can you really blame someone watching porn who gets all worked up and who then shoots an email off to his favourite porn star detailing what lewd things they should do together.  In my opinion, that means the porn star has done his job!  He’s gotten the viewer so into it that they are now contacting him with the hopes of an encounter.

Emails asking me out or asking me for sex are always flattering, and I appreciate each and every one of them!

My favourites now though, are the ones that, even after I’ve told them I have a boyfriend, they do not miss a beat “Bring him along!”  they say.  Sight unseen!  The more the merrier!  I share these emails with my boyfriend who then says “They’ve never even seen me!  I guess if it’s good enough for Eddie Stone!”  It’s all part and parcel of dating a porn star I guess.  Menage a trois anyone?

Lube is somewhat of a staple for Gay men. Unlike with Straight people, who often can go long stretches without even having it as a consideration. Butt fucking and lube are the perfect combo, and so every guy top or bottom tends to have a little something in the night stand. More importantly, a good lubricant can make the experience more enjoyable AND help prevent condoms breaking! Sore asses should only result from long nights with big cocks, not from friction! So let’s gather round for a quick tutorial on shopping for lube.

Lesson #1No one likes a cheap bitch: The lube that comes in those ketchup packets is an in case of emergency/better then spit situations…. While they lube is good for what it is (free and widely available), it is a wee bit tacky to have a nice date end in the guy pulling out a packet of lube. Your cock isn’t a french fry, ditch the individual servings….

Lesson #2 In the event you should find yourself in Kansas: Buying lube at the drug store is a 3 o clock in the morning thing. If it isn’t a I need it right this moment situation, go to a sex store. Preferably a gay owned and operated one (this is mostly a shitty economy help the community out thing). Sex stores sell a much wider range of lube, often at better prices, and the sales staff can be quite helpful!

Lesson #3You Better Shop Around: Try different types! Don’t just stick to that one brand cause its cheap and does the job. Try a few little bottles of different types. You never know what you could be missing out on. You don’t only eat at one restaurant cause you know its not awful. Why use the same lube for the next 10 years cause it didn’t give you a rash!

Lesson #4Buy in Bulk: Once you have tried out a few different types and know what you like and don’t like, buy bigger bottles. It is pretty much across the board cheaper for the bigger bottles then the little testers. If you feel the need to appear dainty, keep the smaller bottle and simply refill it from the big bottle. Think of it like shopping at Costco for your genitals. The money saved can go in your piggy bank!

Lesson #5 Avoid using lubes that warm, tingle or claim to increase sensation. They might not bother your cock, but your trick’s ass might not be a fan of a burning tingling sensation…

Silicone, Water or Oil? What does it all mean?

There are usually three groups lubes can be put into. Silicone based, water based and oil based. Each has their own merits for different purposes. For actual sex you are going to want to stick to either silicone or water. Oil based lubes will destroy latex condoms. Oil based lubes are only really called for when jerking off (Elbow Grease) or for heavy ass play such as fisting (Slam Dunk).

Water based lube is what MOST lubes on the market are made of. They are primarily made of water and a few other ingredients to make them lube. They tend to me less expensive, easy to clean up, and safe for use with any kind of toy. But on the downside, our bodies tend to draw water into our skin, leaving us sticky and otherwise  un lubed. This can be remedied by applying more lube, and with brands such as Probe a simple addition of some water (spit works well for this). But with anal sex, the last thing you want is your lube drying out part way through your pounding.

This brings us to silicone. Not just the realm of luscious tranny’s and their surgically enhanced selves! Silicone lube contains no water, so it doesn’t get sucked up into the skin. This means you use less, have less need to re apply, and can spend more time making with the sexy times. People often avoid silicone, mainly because of misconceptions. A good chunk of people think it isn’t condom safe (it is actually what comes on a lubed condom). Many others find the price a problem. But if you consider how much less you use, it really makes sense. It is the perfect lube for sodomizing! And as a bonus: when it does eventually dry out, it leaves your skin feeling soft and smooth! And most brands also lack ANY flavour AND are hypoallergenic!

So go hence fourth and get yourself some lube! Because nothing scares a bottom more then when you pull out a bottle of crap you bought at the Rexall 4 years ago!!

I was laying in bed today (something which I less and less time to enjoy these days), and decided to watch Dr. Oz. The first part of the episode was dedicated to talking to young women and girls about sex. And the questions and answers parents needed to know. And being all for sex ed, and talking to young people frankly and honestly about sex, I figured I’d have a watch.

Oprah needs to stop this man. He had an OBGYN on to help him discuss different issues with a group of high school girls. The two of them then proceeded to misinform the girls on topics ranging from the chances of getting pregnant through anal sex, to the risk of contracting HIV through oral sex. As well they went on to spread incredibly misinformed statistics about condoms and the long term effects of STIs.

I use terms like misinformed because when it all boils down to it, a lot of their errors were a matter of semantics and omissions. Condoms fail 15% of the time….. but they failed to include that those numbers refer to condoms that are not properly put on. You run the risk of contracting HIV from oral sex…. forgetting to add that this only applies to people with open sores and even then the risk is still much lower then they implied. The risk of anal sex leading to pregnancy….. yes even one sperm can find its way up in there, but COME ON!

And the worst part was the OBGYN’s views on anal sex. I love a good butt fucking just as much as the next homo, so I damn near choked on the cock I was sucking when I heard her say “Anal sex is extremely risky and unsafe, I recommend against it for all my patients even adults”. How dare she malign the good name of ass fuckery! I have half a mind to call Dan Savage and Tristan Toramino! Anal sex IS risky when done improperly. As is almost everything we do. Its dangerous for me to cook chicken if I don’t do it right. But common sense prevails. No talk of lubricants reducing the damages caused by sex, no talk of broaching the topic of condoms with your partner, no nothing.

And to top it all off, they kept using words like “normal” and the over use of words like “infection” and “disease”, while at the same time saying parent’s shame and embarrassment rubs off on their children! Such a trusted voice, giving such sex negative advice to parents serves such a dis service to the viewer and their children. Shouldn’t we have some sort of balanced opinion on these issues?

Point of story, I need my own show!

There are a lot of preconceived notions about porn stars.  How much we make.  Sexual promiscuity.  Drug use… or abuse.  Prostitution.  Rampant sexual perversions … or fetishes.  I’m here to tell you that whatever you think is true… probably is.

I’m kidding.  Porn stars are like snowflakes, there are a million different kinds.

As someone who’s done SEX movies, people often assume things about me.  For instance, that I’m kinky in bed off camera.  I guess that depends on what you define as kinky, but in truth I’m more of a romantic.  I’m open to anything, just kiss me while we do it!

But sometime it takes someone you trust before a fetish can surface, as one of mine has recently.

Growing up, my family was addicted to horror movies.  We’d watch Bram Stoker’s Dracula at Christmas (sorry Jesus, but vampires are sexier!).  And one of our all time favourite horror movies was… and is… Halloween.  Michael Meyers in his white mask terrorizing Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) in Haddonfield, Illinois.  Doesn’t get better than that.

This powerful commanding man of few words who knows what he wants and takes it, has somehow become a sexual turn on for me.  Is it the fact that he is unpredictable?  Is it his single-minded obsession?  Is is the anonymity and mystery of the face behind the mask?

Yes, yes and yes!

Perhaps it’s also the thrill of capturing such a man.  Overpowering him and taming the beast … or the boogie man!

To quote the film:

Laurie: “What’s the boogie man?”

Dr. Loomis: “As a matter of fact, that was.”

Again, Twisted

The next installment of my webcast, “No You Can’t Stay For Coffee” and as usual it comes with its TMI rating, and NSFW.

So some pretty insane stuff has happened in my life since my last post. Over this past weekend, I became the youngest Mr. Leatherman Toronto in the history of the competition. For those non leather readers out there this is a pretty big deal. This means a year chock full of appearances, travel, hard work and a ton of charity involvement. MLT is one of the most well respected titles in North America, and to have it represented by someone so young says alot about the direction that the community is going in.

It has already opened so many doors, and will give me the opportunity to further myself personally and to represent Toronto on an International scale. And I would like to take a moment to indulge myself and thank some people who I neglected to mention in various other public forums over the course of the days following. I would first and foremost like to thank my Mom. Followed quite quickly by three people whom I would not of even been a title holder without, Carolyn Kelly, Jack Pearce & McG who helped set me on this path. Ed & Dean for being such amazing title sponsors. Matt Pavelich & Fenn for your continuing support in the face of the competition and now my title year. To my class of 2010, I owe you so much. I learned so much competing against such great guys. Shaun Proulx for the confidence to believe in my voice. Corey Breau for being so young and doing so much with the title. Brendan McGovern even though we barely just met, your coming in 2nd at IML was more inspiration then you can imagine. And to the judging panel, for taking the much more controversial road of appointing a 22 year old as Toronto’s ambassador to the community. And especially Peter Kincheloe for his incredibly kind words. And a huge thanks to Bryan, who I don’t think ever realized that this painfully shy young man would end up where I stand today. And of course to Ray Hayhurst for biscuits.

I look forward to taking this title to all kinds of events throughout the year. To hosting some amazing fundraisers. And working with Mr. Leather Fellowship Devin Thompson & Toronto Bootblack bootboy digger to do some amazing work in the community this year.

So I haven’t blogged in an almost heinous amount of time. And as such I am going to do a redux of some of the things I would have been blogging about had I not been so busy with my numerous other engagements.

Become Part of the Tribe

A few weeks have passed since Northbound Leather’s annual Fetish Extravaganza, but the images are still quite fresh in my head. The fashion show, this year was told in a narrative form seeing a young initiate as he goes through a series of trials to become a full fledged member of a very kinky tribe. Marty Rotman and  his team truly out did themselves with this one. Not only were the fashions mind blowing (Ranging from Mad Max to CBGB to Ancient Africa to Vampires), the over all exploration of the different roots of kink and fetish were so inspired and well produced. It was as if the over all underlying message was one of normalization. That these things all have their roots in other cultures. The theme of Tribe was the perfect one. That no matter our kinks we all stand together as part of a tribe. A chosen family.

You Are Still In The Running To Be The Next Mr. Leatherman Toronto…

So one of the reasons I have been so busy is that I am now a title holder in the leather community. Through a series of odd and somewhat controversial events I ended up becoming Mr. Woody’s Priape.  As such, I have been attending alot of events in the community, making appearances etc. I am having so much fun, and it has really gotten be back into being involved in the community. After all my younger leather friends moved away I kind of just didn’t have the energy to brave going out alone and making new leather friends. And already I have found some amazing friends in my fellow 2o1o title holders. And a week from today begins the MLT weekend, with the Mama Does Toronto party at the Black Eagle. The excitement well out ways the nerves in all of this. And I hope to see you the reader at some of these events (the full list can be found here). And don’t forget that none other then Shaun Proulx will be hosting the contest along with David Kloss (The first Mr. International Leather). They hosted last year and did a fabulous job, and will surely continue to amaze.

I also am one of the youngest (if not the youngest) contestants in MLT history. In a class of some of the youngest title holders (only 2 are over 3o). So wish me luck! Also don’t forget to check out the Toronto Bootblack Contest a the Black Eagle the afternoon of the 28th.

I’m sitting listening to a writer discuss a new book he’s written about Canadian hockey legend Wayne Gretzky. One of the major themes of the book and the story about when Wayne left Canada to play for Los Angeles is when he broke into tears during the press conference. The fact that an athlete, a man, a paragon of masculinity, would show public emotion shook the sports world and – to a certain extent – our society.

It’s funny, if you have a look at the big announcements made by star athletes in hockey or football or any of the “he man” sports, you often see these guys breaking down in tears. Ironically, they are not often maligned but heralded for their bare emotions. Straight men don’t often get that chance.

Gay men are frowned upon for showing anger – and love

Being a gay man, it’s assumed I am allowed to express a full range of emotions. The idea being that a gay man is quite like being a woman. And showing a full range of emotion is the dominion of women. To a certain extent, this is true. I can laugh, cry, be somber and sad, be bitchy, be funny, be caustic, and all sorts of expressions that are attributed to the emotional realm of gay men. However, like straight men, we make others uncomfortable when we show the extremes: anger and love. Read the full story

Limited Time Preview Expired!

Yesterday’s posting of Vblog is now being re-edited for your consumption.

Motivated by my lack of success in dating, and inspired by a song, I’ve entitled this venture – No You Can’t Stay For Coffee!

In the first few episodes, I bare as much as I can to get your attention.

When it came to making this vblog entry I tried talking in front of the camera. It was boring. What could I do to make this stand out from other people on the internet?

Thinking of my blog Acid Reflux, and writing for fab magazine, I decided to carry on with my odd sense of humour, willingness to bare all metaphorically and literally.

The feedback I got, and much appreciated that this vblog entry was really enough for two to three posts.

It’s been fun to make, and I can’t wait to get it out in its final publication.