“You are a lover.  The larger part of you loves.  When you don’t love, you are not who you really are and there is a seperation that you can feel in your solar plexus that feels like hate or feels like anger.” – Abraham

Interesting:

I had a romantic situation arise this week that inspired an intense emotional reaction.  When presented with the opportunity, my first thought/feelings regarding it were very strong.

I began feeling what seemed like very negative emotion right away.  Something was telling me that this was not the direction I wanted to be going. I could easily feel that I was being guided toward a different decision.

The problem is at the time I just questioned  these thoughts/feelings, as opposed to welcoming them, and listening to the message they related wholeheartedly.

I felt I was being selfish and not who I really am, I felt full of fear and insecurity.

“That empty awful feeling that you call fear simply means, your thought is not in sync with who you are.” – Abraham

The truth is: I allowed this message – “Richard, you are not being yourself” – to fall on deaf ears and let those deaf ears provide a false sense of peace.

The person I am today knows when to say NO to what I was being offered by life – and for good reason.

Yesterday I was making a playlist for a friend and I had asked about including music from a certain artist.

He said:  “Whatever is in your heart, add!  Doubt means don’t.”

And I thought…

OMG!  I knew that.

Why didn’t I listen to my own doubts about this romantic situation this week?  They were so loud and clear!  But I fought them.  I thought it was me being out of the vortex of my well being.  It was my own inner guidance system and it was saying: “RUN!”

“Negative emotion means you have departed from who you are.” – Abraham

I hadn’t experienced this much prolonged activity outside of my vortex in recent memory.  I could have easily listened.  Made other plans for a time when they felt right.  Instead I pushed myself and in the direction of that which I do not want.

In a text message from my beautiful sister, Allysyn, this morning, she asked: “How are you feeling through all this?”

I honestly replied: “Doing well.  The hot embarrassed feeling has almost entirely left me.  I have learned that next time my body, mind, soul  are giving me a direction, I will directly succumb to its guidance.  I do feel free knowing that something or someone has been experienced that brought a lot of life giving contrast – gave birth to huge desire – and will never quite happen that way again.”

“Ride your own rocket into the vortex and imagine your own resolutions that your life experience has caused you to launch.” – Abraham

“Stand before it there is no beginning. Follow it and there is no end. – Lao Tzu”

I know that one by heart.

When I genuinely let go of trying to control or predict the “how” of what I want in life, the way revealed to me,  and relief greets me moment by moment.  (And this next part makes me smile:)

Feeling joyful with absolutely nothing more than my breath I understand I’m not at the beginning or the end, just in the midst of it all.

The unfolding.

Without a map, but navigated by an inner compass, going by feel, elevated by limitlessness.

“Within the seed of your desire is everything necessary for it to blossom to fulfillment. And Law of Attraction is the engine that does the work. Your work is just to give it a fertile growing place in order to expand. “– Abraham

If you can feel happy with exactly what you have right now, forget about everything it is that you want.  Happy right now with nothing more than what you have, I promise you, that everything that you want will come.

I am fully living this moment right now, enjoying having everything unfold before me.   Confident it will all go all right and moved by the infusion of so much joy and fun and excitement.  Allowing with  sweetness for the sweetest ease.  Knowing that I am being done.

That it’s ALL being done.

For me.

“Abundance is not something we acquire.  It is something we tune into.” – Dr Wayne Dyer

I have a confession to make: I have been a slave to my own mind.

There are parts of me  holding on to the same old story and I don`t know why.  Even at times when I think that there are not.

Example:

There is this boy I was getting ready to meet.  He and I had been talking together for some time. Now we had arrangements to see each other.  A visit to my sister`s house – close to his – to meet my newly adopted niece provided a handy opportunity.

As the date came closer, I began to identify negative emotion I was feeling when I thought about meeting him.  Truthfully I had anticipated this contrast.  But, I promised myself, this time in the spirit of the law of attraction I would not give him my laundry list of self-hating deprecation.

I wanted to him to meet the real me.  But every time we talked I was obsessively compelled  to spit it out all the reasons I wasn’t worth it.

It’s not necessary for you to exacerbate your contrast with struggle in order to get it into a higher place. It is not necessary to suffer in order to give birth to desire. But when you have suffered and you have given birth to desire, so what? You’ve got a desire. Turn your attention to the desire. Think about where you’re going and never mind where you’ve been. Don’t spend any more time justifying any of that stuff -Abraham

Over dinner with a friend I began to understand this:  Yes, I have a past.  In it I used to tell myself lies and believe them. Here is my opportunity to step into what is real and going on.  Be who I have already become.  Get with that program because that is where the joy is at. This is where my alignment lies and there is big beautiful proof of it everywhere I look.

And sometimes that is directly at myself in the mirror and I say out loud ” I love you, Richard.  I really do.”

“The anchor of the universe is located in every single one of us. – Dr. Wayne Dyer”

It feels like the truth to me.

I’ve always believed that there must be a way to inspire and instigate healing with nothing but what I have inside.

The creative power of the universe.

God.

I get it now.

I am God.

We all are.

When we want to be creating on that scale of elegance and genius, all we have to do is be still.   Get silent and breathe.

“The softest thing overcomes the hardest thing. – Lao-Tse”

When I am there I am no longer attentive to what I don’t have or where I am not going.  Not concerned with any steps to getting there.  I am aware of only infinite potential and abundance.

“…Is what I am thinking true?  Because the thought that it’s going to be difficult to do something or that it’s going to be complicated or it’s going to take a long time, or it’s a struggle… Usually, if you examine that, there is no truth in that whatsoever. – Dr. Wayne Dyer”

It invigorates.

There is no hope here or anxiety.  No blame just  forgiveness  It  is awareness and consciousness.

And thankfully because now I also realize that while subconscious…  I have put a great distance between myself and well, everything else.  (and for what?)

“Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it – Mark Twain”

My intent is to be here now.  To be joyful.  Aware and aligned with a universal divine mind that is always giving.  Only loving.  In this present moment, that lasts forever.

“Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry and all forms of fear, are caused by too much future and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past and not enough presence. – Eckhart Tolle”

Whenever you’re trying to understand anything that is as huge as all of the Universe, or as huge as all eternity, all you have to do is bring it back to something simple that you do understand, and ask the questions and apply them. And then you can understand the Whole. Everything that’s true of the Whole is true of the individual. – Abraham

It serves you  to line up your energy before you act, because if you do take action when out of alignment it’s not going to take you where you want it to anyway.  The energy always has to be a vibrational match. 

For me this can be a challenge.  Sometimes I go to this place where I am thinking I can act/work myself through situations/emotions, and that if I start busting my ass it’ll all be all right. 

I learned the truth of this in such an instantaneous deliciously satisfying way the other night.  I had to shovel the driveway.  It was covered in snow and about four inches of solid ice underneath.  The weather had turned mild so it was the best time to get this done.  (Trust me, I wasn’t feeling it.)

Huffing and puffing I take a crack at the ice.  I am cursing it in my head and out loud.  I could not get this ice to crack –I couldn’t seem to get at it or make any progress, you know?  I am thinking: “I’m never going to get this done… I am going to miss the Jennifer Hudson Christmas special on TV…”

So I say out loud “What are you doing?  Relax yourself, boy.  Get your breath right.  It’s just some snow and ice in the driveway, star…It’s all good.”   I tell myself to treat this as if it was a workout at the gym.  I wouldn’t be pissed of exerting myself at the gym.  I’d be happy about it.  A chance to keep things sexy and I’m in.

Well, as soon as I had the energy right and my thoughts on enjoying the feeling of the present moment – the task became effortless.  It was as if all of a sudden I hit the ice at all the right angles.  I felt awesome.  Right out there with the spot of the street light shining on me.  I just felt happy that I had allowed myself to  figure a way into alignment with my desires.  Even with something simple like  clearing the ice because now I could apply this to something greater.  Now, how great would that be? 

Hard work is not the path to Well- Being. Feeling good is the path to Well-Being. You don’t create through action; you create through vibration. And then, your vibration calls action from you. – Abraham

I want to turn a belief – one born from faith – into knowing.

Often I spent an inordinate amount of time over thinking what it is I want to say in this blog, a blog about my spiritual journey.

So, tonight as I write this I throw all my list of “maybe this, maybe that” out the window, and leave you with this:

I am in my beautiful and warm house on a December night.  I have a quiet mind.  There is a gorgeous man right in front of my face – who is so talented – at the desk sewing what I am sure will turn out to be a dynamite garment.  I’m sitting comfortably, writing.  My delicious and stunning super-kind roommate is upstairs, baking bread and watching holiday movies with a handsome friend and three good-natured dogs. I woke up this morning to a job offer.

If I have ever been in the vicinity of vibrational alignment, or the vortex of abundance (I whisper in your ear) I am right here and now in that centre.  I am connected to source, without any notions of a separation.  I am not sitting here wishing for “a life”.  This is and I am – life.  Living it in freedom, freed up by a new-found knowing and a carefree-ness (which is exactly what I wanted).  When it’s like this, I know I am being who I really am.

And I love it.  All I had to do is know I could write this down.  So what else is possible?

“You need not do anything.  Remain sitting at your table and listen.  You need not even listen, just wait.  You need not even wait, just become quiet and still and solitary.  And the world will offer itself to you, to be unmasked.  It has no choice.  It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.” – Franz Kafka

“Writing is your strongest point of focus. Your mind doesn’t wander as much when you write. Your Energy doesn’t get split as much when you write. You keep your vibration purer when you write.” – Abraham

In response to GGT blogger Brandon (Step 2:) Williams‘ September 27th blog post “I have a dream”, here is my list of 100 dreams.  They are in no particular order, I just wrote them down as they came to me.

1. To live in Montreal for a year.

2. To rent an apartment in France for a month.

3. To be in perfect health

4. To write and publish a book that makes it onto “Oprah’s Book Club”

5. To become multilingual.

6. To get divorced.

7. To remarry.

8. To launch and support  a career fast-tracking and mentoring program for HIV Positive youth.

9. To perform my show of acoustic versions of classic house songs called “House&Home” in Toronto @ Buddies In Bad Times Theatre.

10. To write a musical called “Fallguy” about living in the bath house, that uses the music of “The Smiths”.

11. To be financially free.

12. To love myself, fully and completely.

13. To own property.

14. To travel to India.

15. To travel to Lebanon.

16. To travel to Morocco.

17. To live in Turkey.

18. To have an album written, produced and recorded with the legendary Canadian singer/songwriter “Luba”.

19. To spend Christmas in New York.

20. To attend the “Tony Awards”

21. To see “Audra Mcdonald” perform live.

22. To meet “Jann Arden”

23. To have a luxury brand of goods called “happyhappy”.

24. To build an empire.

25. To learn how to drive.

26. To live in Chicago.

27. To live in New York.

28. To own a beautiful farmhouse with lots of land and many, many dogs.

29. To host friends and family for the holidays, every holiday.

30. To look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.

31. To spend a summer in Greece.

32. To own a yacht.

33. To be super muscular.

34. To provide for my mother for the rest of her life.

35. To have a child of my own.

36. To attend all the major film festivals with a V.I.P. pass.

37. To have “Patti Lupone” perform at my wedding reception.

38. To be an internationally renowned DJ.

39. To write, produce and perform house music.

40. To go to “Pride” celebrations wherever they have them.

41. To meditate every day for forty-five minutes.

42. To write everyday.

43. To swim in the ocean.

44. To have a salt water pool.

45. To have a green house where I grow all the ingredients for my organic tea company called  ”RdeTriomphe”.

46. To design and distribute a line of denim called “R. est un saluad salaud salaud.”

47. To always be who I really am.

48. To interact with everybody with love.

49. To have lunch with “Ina Garten”.

50. To go to a dinner party thrown by “Nigella Lawson”.

51. To meet “Alice Walker”.

52. To have an art collection.

53. To own a nightclub.

54. To party with “Grace Jones”.

55. To be friends with “Sandra Bernhard”.

56. To be a documentary filmmaker.

57. To host a television show.

58. To travel to Palau.

59. To live in Russia.

60. To take a master class taught by “Ute Lemper”.

61. To live in Portugal and learn to sing fado.

62. To own a restaurant.

63. To write a newspaper column.

64. To laugh out loud every single day.

65. To wake up happy everyday.

66. To love somebody.

67. To see “Tracy Chapman” live in concert.

68. To always be inspired.

69. To be genius.

70. To visit my sister in San Francisco.

71. To go on a date with “Tarkan”.

72. To become a master in the art of allowing.

73. To adopt a child.

74. To travel to Africa.

75. To travel to Japan.

76. To swim with dolphins.

77. To be a great uncle to all of my nieces and nephews.

78. To be in vibrational alignment with my desires.

79. To travel to Provincetown.

80. To visit my friend in London.

81. To write a musical version of “My Beautiful Laundrette” for the stage.

82. To have a recording studio in my house.

83.  To record and release my rap song about “The Comfort Zone” called “Fucked Up Jam”.

84. To always go to the theatre.

85. To see “Cecilia Bartoli” in concert.

86. To have a library in my home.

87. To have brunch with loved ones every single weekend.

88. To live on the gold floor of  “The Royal York Hotel”.

89. To see “Mariza” live in concert.

90. To live in Italy.

91. To go on an “Abraham-Hicks” cruise.

92. To play the piano.

93. To play the guitar.

94. To see the Gaudi buildings in Spain.

95. To get a tattoo in every city I ever travel to.

96. To be a pastry chef.

97. To write a cookbook.

98. To win a “Juno” award.

99. To sleep well every night.

100. To go to “Dollywood” and meet “Dolly Parton”.

It all  started to shift Friday afternoon with a call from a dear friend.  We are partners in the sublime, we both study the teachings of Abraham and The Law of Attraction.  He phoned with the great news of expansion within his own experience. Every time you comprehend your ownership of what your life feels like, you are presented with the opportunity to enlighten and expand. Read the full story

This summer has been filled with so much beauty.  Right before my very eyes.  I promise you that I have felt plenty of joy.  Sweetness all around me.  I have never said “this is like my dream come true” as frequently as this summer.  My goal today  is to genuinely and with all my heart,  with devotion and without a doubt, appreciate it.

Inspiring this appreciation is summer’s end.

Time to say goodbye to some people that are going off to start new projects,  or pick up where they left off with old ones.  In either case, a good bye is in order.  Read the full story

The standard of success in life isn’t the things. It isn’t the money or the stuff — it is absolutely the amount of joy you feel. – Abraham

I work in what is arguably the most heterosexual environment one could find.  A female strip bar in the suburbs.  Read the full story