“You are a lover.  The larger part of you loves.  When you don’t love, you are not who you really are and there is a seperation that you can feel in your solar plexus that feels like hate or feels like anger.” – Abraham

Interesting:

I had a romantic situation arise this week that inspired an intense emotional reaction.  When presented with the opportunity, my first thought/feelings regarding it were very strong.

I began feeling what seemed like very negative emotion right away.  Something was telling me that this was not the direction I wanted to be going. I could easily feel that I was being guided toward a different decision.

The problem is at the time I just questioned  these thoughts/feelings, as opposed to welcoming them, and listening to the message they related wholeheartedly.

I felt I was being selfish and not who I really am, I felt full of fear and insecurity.

“That empty awful feeling that you call fear simply means, your thought is not in sync with who you are.” – Abraham

The truth is: I allowed this message – “Richard, you are not being yourself” – to fall on deaf ears and let those deaf ears provide a false sense of peace.

The person I am today knows when to say NO to what I was being offered by life – and for good reason.

Yesterday I was making a playlist for a friend and I had asked about including music from a certain artist.

He said:  “Whatever is in your heart, add!  Doubt means don’t.”

And I thought…

OMG!  I knew that.

Why didn’t I listen to my own doubts about this romantic situation this week?  They were so loud and clear!  But I fought them.  I thought it was me being out of the vortex of my well being.  It was my own inner guidance system and it was saying: “RUN!”

“Negative emotion means you have departed from who you are.” – Abraham

I hadn’t experienced this much prolonged activity outside of my vortex in recent memory.  I could have easily listened.  Made other plans for a time when they felt right.  Instead I pushed myself and in the direction of that which I do not want.

In a text message from my beautiful sister, Allysyn, this morning, she asked: “How are you feeling through all this?”

I honestly replied: “Doing well.  The hot embarrassed feeling has almost entirely left me.  I have learned that next time my body, mind, soul  are giving me a direction, I will directly succumb to its guidance.  I do feel free knowing that something or someone has been experienced that brought a lot of life giving contrast – gave birth to huge desire – and will never quite happen that way again.”

“Ride your own rocket into the vortex and imagine your own resolutions that your life experience has caused you to launch.” – Abraham

What would be Valentine’s Day without a few presents? So I have scoured around to find you some cute yet fun things to help you celebrate Valentine’s Day whether you are “single and fabulous”, or, to coin the Bridget Jones term a “smug married”, or if you are simply “getting to know each other”. These will also help seal the deal – or could be the deal breaker! What ever you decide to do, remember it’s all about the love.

For The Single and Fabulous:

If you are like me and my favourite term from Sex and the City “single and fabulous” Valentine’s Day leaves you one or all three of these feelings: thankful, dread or wanting. Either way Valentine’s Day is actually the best time to be single -  think of how many guy you can kiss and no one thinks your cheating. However, if Valentine’s Day leaves you with pangs of jealousy over your ex’s new boyfriend here’s an easy way to calm down. Have a bath. Get a heap of bubble bath, some bath oil and soak your no man stress away by throwing in this limited edition X Factor bath bomb ($6.95) from Lush. (http://www.lush.com). It’s made of ginger and if you feel like playing Alex Forest from Fatal Attraction, rip off his limbs and throw him in piece by piece the sit on him, you’ll feel much better.

For The Smug Marrieds:

In between the candlelight dinner, the holding hands, the slow dancing and cuddling up to either watch Lilies or Maurice you may want to have a romantic bath for two. Spice up your water with their limited edition Magic Mushroom bath bomb again from Lush($6.95) (not the other one which is the party drug). This bar is scented with vanilla and strawberries. So you can have that strawberry and cream indulgence but not have to hit the treadmill later.

For Those Who Are In No Man’s Land:

Oh the fragile state of “are we” or “aren’t we” on Valentine’s Day. Will he ask you out or not? If you call does make you look pushy or taking the initiative. Those are the questions we all face especially a day, week or a month into the “getting to know you phase.” OK…so let me help you speed things up.

Here are two things which will help you get your message across. The make up company Cover FX has Mint Glaze. A protective and fortifying glaze which has SP 15 to make your lips kissably soft indoors or out. You can find it at Sephora or Shoppers Drug Mart ($22.00).

Should your eager kiss should not signify that your man parts are begging for touching (sorry Jackie Collins moment) time to turn up the heat by “taking the jeans off” and revealing your boxers with love all over them.

These boxers from The Gap (http://www.thegap.com)  are just too fun not to pass on. They are a seasonal piece and are around the $20 mark. A small investment to show a guy you are ready to take your nights out from dating to mating.

Two posts, two days in a row, an indicator that I’ve actually done a little more this week than sit on Facebook uncovering subject matter best left in the dark.

Last night I attended “Bent Relationships” a monthly panel discussion at the Gladstone Hotel. The evening was a small GGT reunion with Brandon Williams -Step 2 (more on him later) and Sean Cribbin – Leather 101

You have to watch the video to get the scoop from Andrew Vail, GGT contributor and the evening’s moderator.

Here’s my admission. In lieu of my one-hour relationships I’ve opted for something more lasting and inter-species for my emotional fulfillment (I say this in jest as I know I’ll never get a date after posting this without a disclaimer).

I’m having a non-sexual emotional polyamorous relationship with my dogs- although with my old dog who loved to eat condoms one might have lead one to think it was moreas she’s crapping one out in park after accidently nabbing post-amorous moment – again TMI!

Being the modern age, my one dog, the PTSD Chihuahua cross is presently co-parented by a lesbian couple and myself. Now that my friend this is the cutting edge of pet-focused relationships in the new millennium. I guess that makes me just a smidgen with the times….. or not.

I actually enjoyed the talk, which touched on experiences I’ve had, triad relationships, sex work and being in a monogamous relationships to many other topics. It made me long for that side of me that’s a bit crazy, a side I’ve completely repressed or oppressed since this clean and sober stuff.

And that my friends is a completely different post.