Reviewing my personal experiences and those I’ve witnessed of other individuals and groups on a whole through one-on-one contact or mass media exposure, I’m coming to a conclusion: queers are suffering an existential crisis. To wit:

We are always on the lookout for the next crisis of identity, expression, politics, sexuality, gender, and socio-sexual-gender-politics and how they do or do not conform to the written and unwritten rules of homosexual behaviour as deemed by those guarding the flame on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. That’s not only a mouthful, but also a hell of a responsibility!

Instead of fighting for our rights and freedoms, we are fighting each other.

Almost every year, without fail and usually timed around the culmination of the great queer ho-monic convergence known as Pride, we find ourselves thrust into a community-sundering crisis of epic proportions that tilts at our very identity and existence as queer (or however you choose to self-identify) people. Years ago it was typically threats and attacks from outside the community by those who wished to degrade, dehumanize and destroy us either through violence, active prejudice or legislation. For the most part we have beaten those swords into plowshares and come a cropper with human rights that—argue this if you will—are they envy of most queer people around the world. Yet, still we are not satisfied.

With hardly a lion at the door and most of the Trojan horses swapped for Trojan condoms, we have directed our existential angst inward. Yes, folks, instead of fighting for our rights and freedoms, we are fighting each other about how we label ourselves (oh, how I long for the days of Gucci versus Versace). We are now too gay, not gay enough, straight-identified, post-gay, post-mo, pre-fab, rebels, hausfraus, fatties, skinnies, piggies, vanilla, new-and-improved, fortified, fabulous, finished, or just questioning. I’m certainly scratching my head a lot, so I guess I fall in the questioning category (but I do vacillate depending on mood, company and situation).

This year we are all up in each other’s pooches about The New Gay. While this may sound like a branding exercise or a new product launch, it’s about how young queer people are identifying themselves and finding alternatives to their alternative lifestyle; Post-mo’s, as they are calling themselves. This has got a lot of Pre-mo’s in a tizzy and the queer cognoscenti firing off letters and emails and Tweets and Facebook posts at break-nail speed. The Qwerty is mightier than the sword. It has taken the issue from a local, Toronto level to a national discussion (props to the author!).

As usual, when someone comes out with a dissenting opinion, there is an almost choreographed firestorm of rebuttal and retribution. I like the rebuttal part as healthy dialogue and discourse is a good thing. I just think we can leave the snide comments and name-calling and assumption out. But I ask myself each time this happens: why are we all so upset? Why is someone’s perception or experience so jarring as to bring out the daggers? Why do we turn ourselves inside out, upside down and scream at the top of our lungs about our right to free speech and then attack someone in our community who uses their free speech to express an opinion that may not be popular? Who’s agenda are we adhering to and who’s free speech are we protecting?

Why are we afraid of the brave new world we’ve fought so hard to create for ourselves?

Certainly we are all allowed to share our opinions. Certainly we are not all expected to agree with these opinions. I have found myself in the crosshairs once or twice over things I have written and was rather shocked at the vitriol for stepping off point, not following script and not toeing the line. While being called names wasn’t fun, it opened dialogues and provided a forum for differing points of view.

We keep touting diversity in out community. We call for unity and celebration of ourselves as a whole community made up of individuals. Well, individuals have individual life experiences and POV and opinions. Are we going to attack every one who says something that challenges our preconceived notions or bumps us out of our comfort zone for a minute? Why the seeming existential crisis? Why are we afraid of the brave new world we’ve fought so hard to create for ourselves?

My Cindy Adventure.

First of all the weekend was amazing!!! Simply way too much to do and I am grateful that I know when enough is enough and when to say no. It’s all skills I learned in my recovery. So as I left off in my last post I has a wicked time at the Toronto Roller Derby’s Clam Slam on Friday.

Saturday night was the lovely Miss Cindy Lauper and wow I has a press pass so this was a sure thing right? John and I after a very stressful day with getting Maggi home for the weekend. She finally was delivered at 6pm and we headed down to Queens Park to meet our friend Drasko (who was already at the park) We travelled down Carlton and headed up University and walked behind the Parliament buildings and we were met with a massive line. It seem that the security was tight. We called our friend and he informed us that their was a VIP / Media line up on the East side.

Upon arriving at the gate I presented my pass to the yummy security guard and was met with “OH more media” and was informed that John my partner would still not be allowed to come in. So we stepped back and called Drasko who by this time was already in the media area. He was telling us that they were escorting Media out of the pit and in with the general public they were told not to use flash (I mean what photographer is not going to use flash in a dark park) John and I decided to go to church street and check out sober pride I mean by this time it’s only 8:30

As we were leaving we thought we would take stock of the whole situation. So picture a fenced in area of 5000 secure people with only a few entrances / exits completely surrounded by thousands of unsecured people for my safety I think we made the right choice. It’s too bad it would have been my first Concert ever. John and I walked East on Wellesley St to Church St. I was amazed at exactly how many people were still coming to see Cindy!!! By this time it was past 9:15 and the line to get in was easily went all the way around the park. Droves and droves of people.

Church St was defiantly not as busy as last year at this time I remember it taking me 2 hours to get from Wellesley St. to Carlton St. So in effect it was a good move to have attractions that brought people out of Church St. to relieve congestion.

Sober Pride

When I took on the assignment of Sober Pride I naturally thought it would be a good match. I do advocate for and work with people who are transitioning from a lifestyle of chaos to order. In many ways the work I do is, Harm Reduction Coaching. It applies to everyone I help people reduce the harm in their lives that are preventing them from living their lives to the fullest. The issue could be alcohol and drugs as much as money and relationships often it is everything at the same time.

My personal journey from Chaos to Order took the Harm Reduction path. It now has simply become my journey, and I live with out shame of my past and own it because I create it. I choose to see how I perceive my own past. I chose this path simply because I was not comfortable with the Abstinence Model for me it was too rigid, and I am not fond of support groups. I had one good friend who said it to me this way, :”I simply could not imagine sitting an a group of other junkies” I get it. I can honestly say I only truly know 2 people who have used abstinence and are Queer. Please don’t get me wrong it has it’s place and is very needed by some addicts.
John and I attended Sober Pride 3 times over Pride Weekend. Each time it was the same. Quiet! Quiet! and oh More Quiet. John and I did not get it at all!!! I had to really reflect upon this post and consider the value of this space from the perspective of all people who are in need of support with their sobriety. This space provides a safe place for addicts to just take a breath in the mist of all the chaos and come back to themselves with the support of others who are doing the same.

Pride is pretty crazy and for me, I know that when the crowds are too much all I really want is quiet, so I simply go home. It may explain my lack of desire to fight all the people at the Cindy Lauper concert. I have my partner, so for me this means that I am able to discuss any feeling that may come up. I get that not everyone has those structure in their lives. This space is Perfect! “The Eye of The Storm” I am proud The Pride Toronto provides this space.

The Parade / March / Party / Protest thingy… a conclusion to Pride.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Shaun Proulx Media and Pride Toronto I had the best seats in the house!!!! Check out all my Pics below.

Conclusion

This pic was taken by my friend Drasko it summed up this pride for me. In short it me in the middle of all the shit.

Political and powerful this Pride, I met so many great people. I had my eyes opened about the history of our pride and have a clearer understanding of where we as a community are heading. This pride I had my personal “story” changed and for it I have become more aware of the possibilities. I love that we as a community can have contrasting opinions and through inclusion and tolerance we remain strong. I have heard it from many of my friends this was the best pride ever!

Celebrate the Dyke March by supporting the Libido fundraiser!

Hosted by Deb Pearce, this year’s party features performers such as Lucas Silveira of the Cliks, Cozmic Cat and music from DJ Memphis Sugar and DJ Saratonin of Dinah Shore Weekend. Libido will also present raffle prizes from Good For Her, West Side Stories, Toronto Women’s Bookstore, Six West Community Acupuncture and Cherry Bomb.

Yesterday, I went to the Flag raising I actually have never been so, I thought since I had been trapped inside all weekend that I would get out.
The setting was the top of City Hall a smallish crowd along with various members of counsel were in attendance and several community leaders.
A short program led by the mayor and introduced by Counsellor Ray followed by a BBQ. See the pics below.

Finally I wanted to mention that I have a little amendment to my schedule this week and I have added The Clam Slam on Friday check out this Pride Craziness I can’t wait!!!!

I made it through the weekend and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the peaceful protest that John and I held in our home.
I am exhausted and pride is just starting. Friday night I attended the pride Media Launch party and I have to admit that that event was not sober friendly but I enjoyed it none the less. I did pop out a little early with my friend Drasko and went home to make steaks on the barbie.

So let me give a brief rundown of the sober events happening over the next week at Pride.

Today, I will be attending the Flag raising at City Hall if you don’t make it don’t worry over the next week I will be live blogging while attending events so keep coming back to see what I am up too. You can also follow me at www.thetinythings.com my micro blog to see more events that are not Pride official but rather Pride related.

This evening there will be a screening of the Film Beyond Gay- the Politics of Pride at the Isabel Bader Theatre and the National Portrait collection will be viewing at the festival site from 7:30 – 10PM every night this week. This is a remount of the Portrait collection of the Canadian Lesbian and Gay Archives.

On Friday we have the Trans march which will be great sober fun for the community starting at 7:00 PM Also later that evening at the Panasonic Theatre the Gay for Comedy Gala will take place.

On Saturday at 10 am the pride remembrance run and Proud Voices starting at 2 pm at James Canning Gardens of course the free zone starts at 10 am providing a totally alcohol and drug free zone lasting through to Sunday. Also the Dyke march starts at 2:00 PM at Church and Hayden.

Cindy Lauper headlines on Saturday night at Queens park I will be there backstage getting photos so check out my blog later this week.

Sunday is a busy day besides the big parade which starts at 2:00 pm along Young St. you can also check out the Market place and community fair in the Church and Wellesley Village. At 5 pm at Queens park the closing program called Never Say Goodbye is being held . Again all day the Free Zone providing Alcohol and drug free events all day.

I hope everybody takes the time to think about your health and and safety this week and most of all reduce the harm you do!

Censorship is an incredibly difficult subject to approach. Especially here in Canada where the right to free speech is trumped by the right to be free from discrimination and hatred. You can say whatever you want, so long as it isn’t considered hate speech. This is something I fully support. Hate speech is an incredibly dangerous method of attack. Words are quite possibly the most powerful thing humans have ever possessed. And being able to express ourselves verbally is what drives our culture.

The decision to censor the words “Israeli Apartheid” on the part of Pride Toronto constitutes playing with fire on their part. Nothing in the literature, slogans, or message of Queers Against Israeli Apartheid constitute hate speech, or anything remotely hateful. They are a group of like minded queers united in spreading their opinion on the State of Israel and their actions (which many people believe constitutes a form of apartheid). They aren’t spewing anti-semetic statements, they are criticizing a government and its policies. Something that Pride has been about since it’s very inception.

The argument that this groups message is not in anyway queer CAN be considered valid. I will concede that Israel isn’t on par with Uganda or Iran. Hell they even allow gays and lesbians to serve in the military (or rather they don’t care cause everyone serves time). But if the political message about disenfranchised people in The Middle East doesn’t belong in our parade (when brought to our attention by members of our own community), then there are some other people who don’t belong.

Gay people have more problems with booze then our straight counterparts. Why should we have vodka and beer companies marching in our parades? How about banks? What does low bank fees and mortgage rates have to do with gay pride? We can not play this whose message is valid game. It is arbitrary and will only devolve into splitting hairs.

And more importantly is the issue of censorship. The term Apartheid is a touchy issue to say the least. It stirs up pictures of Nelson Mandela in jail, legacies of colonialism, and institutionalized racism. Drag queens are a touchy subject for many people. Many gay people believe they set an incredibly bad example of the queer community. I have even heard them compared to minstrels. Many forms of BDSM aren’t even legal in Canada since the law states you can not consent to harm. If we allow some busy bodies to bully us into giving them their way what is next? Will drag queens be considered a legacy of negative gender conformity and latent misogyny? Will leather men and kinky dykes not be allowed to march with certain signs because they reference acts which exist in a legal grey area at best? What about TNT MEN or those Marijuana protesters?

The theme of Pride this year is YOU BELONG! We mustn’t allow a board of officials tell us that they is a little asterisk attached to that slogan. It is OUR pride. We all belong, and if we let the censors win this battle, we could loose the war.

Aghhhh! I have a huge weight on my shoulders and I’m not really sure who I should tell in order to get it off. You see about 8 weeks ago I received some rather shocking photos of my partners mother who has been an alcoholic for over 20 years. These photos were not very flattering. Err too bloody for such a sensitive viewership. Fact is she fell down the stairs 3 times breaking every bone you can imagine. She does not remember much of that event.

A few days later we received a telephone call stating that my partners Mother has admitted herself into detox. Knowing the full extent of what has been happening over the past 5 years and not being a stranger to addiction, I offered to have her in our home to aid her in her recovery 3 days in, she was at my door.

When my Mother-in-law arrived she could not walk, smoke a cigarette, take a bath, or feed herself. She had been drinking a 26 oz bottle of Vodka per day not to mention the 6 – 10 Lorazipam, the 4 Diazapam, 2 Oxazipam, the Tylonol 3′s, the 10 Gravols that were “helping” her with stomach pains. (Gravol around the 10 pill mark per day will cause hallucinations) and all of her other symptomatic solutions that came in the form of bottles from the pharmacy, some of them legitimate some of them not so legitimate. Needless to say she does not recall the first 3 weeks of her stay.

All I can say is that I am so proud of how far she has come, everything is gone but 2 lorazipams spaced through the day and 2 oxzaipams to help her sleep. Next week we change the sleeping meds to something to still help her sleep but not be addictive. Only one more month and she’ll be off the ‘pams all togeather. She has taken the initiative to admit herself into a program and she is driving the whole process. I am simply helping /coaching her to become aware of the harm that she is doing to herself.

You may be asking, why am I telling you all of this? Well, I have not attended pride for many, many years. For me it it a symbol of everything I gave up the moment I stopped doing crystal. It’s the Christmas day of the gay community and every present is wrapped in drugs, alcohol and sex. I fondly remember wanting to go to every single event because I did not want to miss a moment. I fondly remember eagerly going to pickup my pass that would serve as my passport to the party.

I love writing for Gayguidetoronto.com Shaun Proulx, has been more than generous to me since I started writing. But never did I expect that I would receive the privilege of having access to all events at pride as media, for this generosity I am grateful. I accepted the gift with the thought that I would cover sober pride. It seems appropriate considering that I do speak about the subject often and that subject would limit me from having to attending the more hard core events.

Over the past few days my mother in law has been doing extremely well, well enough to go home for a few days and it has provided me much needed space to get back into my life. Which means that I got to be back on Facebook. When I first logged in, I was met with all this Pride Toronto stuff and the hard decision they have had to make. it bummed me out. I am not here to pass judgment on either side how ever I will say one thing this whole dilemma has made me question how much I really want to go to pride?

I am all about free speech and I am all about helping the underdog. Sorry I think it’s hard wired. The thought that any group within our community, weather I agree with their perspective or not to be asked not to attend just amazes me. I feel un-invited and I feel that any personal pride I did have, has been ripped out of me. We as a community did not start pride because we were told “we could” by our community or our government.

So in all of this I have a huge project, one that I am getting many wins and I have much pride! I am grateful for the opportunity however, strangely now going to pride seems like I’m only contributing to my clients addictions. After all, with all the fighting within the community what can I be proud of? We all seem so segmented to the point of no longer being unified.

So I have this pass. I have this great thing that’s happening in my family. I don’t feel very proud, I don’t party, and now I’m asking my community and you, why should I go?

My previous post was in reaction to a lot of negativity that I’ve been seeing and hearing in the queer community. How and why we got into this debacle is a bit of a mystery to me. I know there are the obvious issues that have been making headlines recently, but as a community we seem to be fostering an environment of enmity and negativity. We’re pissed. We’re outraged. We’re against just about everything. Read the full story

Toronto has a reputation for its grumpy residents.  It seems as the temperature rises during the run up to Pride and the G20, folks have taken moody to an entirely new level.

Let’s take my friend for example. Since he’s not a computer savvy person, nor even uses one, I’m going to try to tell his story, as I know it.

While crossing at Church St. and Wellesley, the gay village main intersection, Rob (I’ll call him) noticed a fellow who had charted a course to walk right into him as the pedestrian’s attention was focused on texting.  Rob said, “heads up” as he gets out of his way, and the pedestrian yells, “fuck you.”

During this interaction, Rob had stepped slightly in the path of an oncoming wheelchair, which rode over his foot. While riding over his foot a walking cane in the back of the wheelchair popped up and hit this guy on its way back down.

The young fellow (at least younger than my friend) spins around and starts screaming about how Rob just hit a guy in a wheel chair to which he responded, “But you ran over my foot.”

Read the full story

I’m very excited about the upcoming Building a Fuller Future: A Trans Conference happening June 12th from 3 to 10pm at the 519!

I’m particularly looking forward to the stealth speed networking and I hope it’s not at the same time as the session on facial hair styling. I don’t do a bad job with the latter, I’ve come a l-o-n-g way since the first time I trimmed sideburns, but I’d like to know some variety. The handful of times I strayed from my usual, I came to learn there was more to it than a razor, shaving cream and warm water. I hope electrical shavers will be touched on because I’ve had two, and they were not created equal. I still miss my 1st one (it died a most inconsiderate death) and the 2nd one simply isn’t working out.

CAMH is jerking me around. No wait, that’s not new. But never under estimate its ability to come up with new and increasingly creative ways to drive people bonkers. In their defense, that’s job security.

Queer season is clearly in full effect with Inside Out and May 17th celebrations. It shows no sign of slowing down before Pride; I’m beginning to wonder when I will sleep certain weeks. I’ve been invited to volunteer at countless Pride regatta, fundraisers and the likes. I typically volunteer my butt off as my way of working around my shyness but I’ve decided this year to cut back some. I would like to march in the trans march this year and to attend a few other events as a participant rather than an organizer for a change.

I hope everyone’s well and surviving/enjoying queer season.