I was just sitting here working on a presentation I’m giving at the Diversity in the Workplace Conference when it struck me yet again that people are so hung up on bathrooms and which one to use. Whenever we have to do training where someone is transitioning on the job, one of the first questions is always “Which bathroom are they going to use?” The answer is simple. The correct one for them. ie: if they identify as a woman, then they’re going to use the women’s bathroom and vis versa.
This then leads to a lot of foot shuffling and uncomfortable mutters about not wanting to have a “guy” in the women’s bathroom and if asked, most people think that’s a fair objection. And then we ask “Why?”
Two basic arguements always come forward.
(a) Trans people should use a gender neutral bathroom and not ours because they’re different. ie. the MTF’s may still have a penis and our bathroom is definately a no-penis zone!
(b) What if this whole transition thing is just a cover for a guy who wants to use it as an excuse for cheap thrills or because he wants to attack us in the women’s bathroom.
When we hear these arguements, we take them seriously, not only because they’re honestly felt emotions but also because we want to help everyone understand what’s going on so that the person transitioning has the most supportive environment possible and work disruption is minimized. So what do we say? Well, we start off by asking somewhat retorically if they’re already doing penis checks at the bathroom door? After all, for all they know, there could already be people with penises using the women’s bathroom and maybe nobody knows! This usually gets a few giggles and helps break the tension a bit which then allows us to ask the serious question of why people go to the bathroom? The inevitable answer is to void themselves and wash their hands to which we are able to explain that Trans people go to the bathroom for exactly the same reasons! That may sound smug or maybe a bit dismissive of people’s fears but really, when you sit down and think about it rationally, if we’re all just going into a bathroom, closing and locking a stall door and voiding ourselves, then what does it matter what ANYONE’S genitalia looks like? And if it matters so much then why? Are we really that uncomfortable with our bodies? Is it truly reasonable to force a person to have to go to a different floor or part of the factory or sometimes even a whole other building so that they can sit down to void themselves because you are fixated on their genitalia? At the end of the day, is it really any of your business? Not really if you think about it.
Which then leads us to the second and more emotionally charged objection – perverts and rapists. The arguement goes that we can’t allow Trans individuals to use the correct washroom at work or in public because they could be using the whole Trans thing as a trick to gain access to women’s bathrooms and assault them. Sounds scary, doesn’t it? And it is… but again… take a minute to think about it rationally. Sexual assault is all about power. Do you really think that a sexual predator would put on a dress and then go out in public like that to assault someone? Not on your life! And really, if they wanted attack someone in a women’s bathroom, do you realistically think that the sign on a door is going to dissuade them so much that they pretend to be a woman in public? Not very likely. And if they do… there are laws to protect us from such situations. Laws that don’t rest on what everyone’s genitalia looks like but rather on the actions of the person/people involved.
So please think of this the next time you want to sneer or police the bathroom because you think someone isn’t a real “man” or “woman”. We’re all just there to go about our business, the same as everyone else. Just leave us be.
