He was born with a caul, which just sounds too spooky to google. Regardless, Jeffery Straker, descendant of Beethoven, is our Man of the Hour, giving TMI by completing our infamous questionnaire:

JUST THE FACTS

I’m a: Gemini. There are so many ways I can be split in 2, I’m practically a dried wish-bone waiting for the snap.
I’m: 34 – and if you don’t believe me ask my therapist. She reminds me of it all the time. “lawts & lawts of time to sort this shit out….”.
I was born: Under a full moon, in a hospital run by nuns in a small rural Saskatchewan town. I was also born with a caul. (I know everyone will need to scramble to google to see what that means). When you find out you’ll say ‘gross’. But…..it’s supposed to be really lucky – like to the point of bringing ‘powers’… Louise (in ‘Gypsy’) was also born with a caul – just so you know. I keep ‘singin out’ to this day, due to mine. Ok – enough music theatre references. Note: I’ve not noticed any ‘powers’, other than being able to sneak my way into a pride beer garden like a black cat prowling at midnight.
I: Make music. Specifically: write songs, sing them, and play piano.
My fave colour: Baby blue.
Passion: Sneakers. Eating. One doesn’t require the other.
Fantasy entourage: Pippa Middleton, Miss Conception, The Queen mum ( I know she’s dead but it’s my fantasy so screw off), Rick Mercer, David Beckham, & endless gin.
Turn-ons: Gin. Someone who can drink it well.
Irresistible in a mate: Someone who can dig through Kensington Market shops with me for a whole Saturday.
Phrase I most overuse: I’M DYING!
Most people would be surprised to know I: Am actually a musical descendant of Beethoven. No lie!
Fictional best friend: Catherine O’Hara.
Talent I wish I had: Playing cello. There is something about it that just gets me. Might be the spread legs? Not sure.
When I order a cocktail I ask for: The bartenders’ phone number usually. Failing that: Gin (Gordon’s) & Tonic. Bombay is for wusses. There, I said it.

GUILTY PLEASURES

TV: Brothers and Sisters, AB FAB on DVD.
Song: ‘Tiny Dancer’.
Greatest extravagance: Bright sneakers, boots. Call me Imelda.

WEAR APPARENT

Jeans: H&M (whatever make snugs some ass).
Footwear: Converse & recently Adidas.
Watch: Got it at the bay – it’s shiny, no idea what it is.
Eyewear: Mikli
Casual: Jeans + tee = me.
Formal: Dress pants, shirt-tie, + vest, bright sneakers or riding boots (depending on the day).
Perfume / Cologne: Old spice body wash?

BEAUTY DUTY

Shampoo: I think it’s Pantene these days.
Face wash: Spectro jel.
Moisturizer: I use the same cream Shania uses. It was created for cow udders but works wonders on the skin!
Body Lotion: See above. Moooooooo.
Indulgence: Any eye cream with shiny packaging. I’m obsessed with packaging. And packages. But I digress.

GOTTA GETTA GADGET

Gadgets: A house just north of The Danforth – on Playter. OR a house in the West end on Rusholme. Either would be a great gadget to play with.
On my music player now: Regina Spektor.
I always PVR: I watch on my laptop.

CULTURE VULTURE

Last book read: Age of Persuasion (O’Reilly)
Last movie seen: The King’s Speech.
Last concert: Joel Plaskett at the Dakota Tavern on Ossington.
Last play: A rehearsal of ‘the tiki bikini paradise party a go-go’ coming up at this year’s Toronto FRINGE. Check it out!

OBSESSIONS

Current obsession: Prince Harry
Past obsession: Prince William
Future obsession: Porn

CRYSTAL BALL

The next big thing will be: Pippa Middleton hosting a Brit gossip talk show and dishing on the royals.

AND FINALLY …

Words of wisdom: Run time machine on your mac every other day. Amen.

Jeffery Straker CD release concert: June 22, 8pm, Revival – 783 College – Toronto

Meet more men.

Last Friday was the huge kick off party to PRIDE WEEK TORONTO 2010 at Woody’s on Church Street.  Food, booze, friends, performances and skin! Miss Conceptions doing Lady Gaga and my fiance Shaun Proulx being interviewed by The National Post!

This year marks PRIDE TORONTO’S 30th year of celebrations, and I was there to catch it all!

GayGuideToronto.Com’s very own Man On Top, Maha is set to host the Village Stage on Sunday July 04 2010 from 8:30 pm until 11:00 pm.

The Village Drag Stage will host a stellar line up of Drag Kings, Queens and Burlesque!

Looks like it is going to be A Very Maha Pride!

Performers include: Degenderit Cabaret, Zippers Angels, Carlotta Carlisle, GIA, Michel Doiron, Divinesque, Eddie Barnett, Michelle Ross, Ivory, Daytona Bitch, Divine, Genderfuct, Miss Conception, Sofonda Cox, Laura Landauer, Dirk and Flare.

Well my crazy schedule has finally calmed down! Here I sit with fingers on the keyboard and Stoli on ice eager to update you all on what has been happening since our last chat. Where shall I begin? Maybe I’ll begin with Heroine Marks’ Mild Inconvenience of the Day. I have two today!

1. Gingers who try to look hot.

No matter how hard you try, its just not happening. Please stop! Especially you, Lindsay.

2. Britney Spear’ Telephone Demo.

For those of you who don’t know, Telephone was originally pitched to Britney. Her label turned it down. Well, her demo version of the song has been leaked. If you haven’t heard, have a listen. Yikes! Click here.

Moving on…

-I recently was involved in a cooking show set to air later this year on a sister network of W. I won’t give too much away, but I can assure you eating in drag is not attractive! I had a lot of fun on the set, but probably gained 10 lbs. Why must craft services be so tempting?

-Last week, my best gal pal Zanna scored two free tickets to a food and wine tasting at the reference library on Yonge. I can cross off ‘Being drunk in a library’ on my list of things to do before I die. We sampled different appetizers from local restaurants and voted on which restaurant should win. We really just went for the free wine, and boy did we ever put a dent in those bottles! We made our rounds and found one bartender who was very generous with his pour. All the appetizers were seafood related. Well, minus the goose liver. Yes thats right. I ate goose liver. Anyways, Zanna doesn’t like seafood. So after about 5 glasses of wine, we decided to leave and get Subway. We then returned for another 5 glasses of wine. Don’t judge! They were small glasses. Afterwards, we hit up a local bar with Zanna’s friend who gave us the tickets and his brother, a former contestant on last year’s So You Think You Can Dance Canada. Surprisingly, he was straight. I don’t remember much from that night expect singing ‘Don’t Stop Believin” in an Asian karaoke bar. I was reminded that night why I lipsync.

-I’m having a lot of fun with my latest show, h2.0, at Crews and Tangos every Thursday at 11pm with co-host Honey Brown. We love taking requests from the audience, so come finger our boxes and help decide the show. Don’t forget to check out my other two shows at Zelda’s Living Well. On Fridays starting at 9pm, Miss Conception and I hit the stage. This past week, two of my friends thought it would be a hoot to keep buying me tequilla. I don’t think I’ve ever been that drunk on stage before. I’ll get them back! Highlight of the night was performing ‘Love Game’ and throwing a dildo in the air and having it suddenly stick to the ceiling. Kodka moment! On Saturdays, come check out my baby, ‘Spray Cheese Saturdays’. Different guest every week. Character and celebrity impersonations. It is always a lot of fun and a show not to be missed! This week my guest is Daytona Bitch. Love her! Two scorpios=mayhem and laughs! The crazyness starts at 9pm! Last night the Scientologists next door were having some sort of block party celebration during the show. I’m going to assume they recaptured Katie Holmes.

-Tomorrow, myself and the Zelda’s crew(lead by Miss Angelfire herself), will be attending the launch party for Priscilla Queen of The Dessert. I <3 scaring straight people. I wonder if they’ll have free wine too. Could I be any more Italian?

-I’m going to be taking a four day vacation from Toronto in June. I’ll be visiting one of my best friends in Sault Ste Marie. I’m really excited! It will be nice to get away from Toronto and not be woken up by hooker fights at 4am.

*FYI*

This is a new segment in my blog where I share with you queens to look out for, songs to download, and youtube videos that will leave you in stitches.

Queen on the Scene: If you haven’t heard of Amber Ellert, Facebook her. She is a new queen on the scene and someone to watch. She recently placed 2nd in Candice’s Star Search at Crews and Tangos. She will be entering again soon, and she is in it to win it. Check her out!

Pump or Dump: Kelis is back with a new album. You’ve probably heard Accapella by now, but there is another gem off her album that I have on repeat at the moment. Its called Brave. Check it out! Thanks Will for the suggestion! Katy Perry also has a new song out . If you’ve ever been to one of my shows, you probably know how much I love La Perry. Its called ‘California Gurls’. Check it out! Its already been added to my box!

YouTube Video of the Week: It’s time for cat massage! I love this video soooooooooo much. Something tells me she isn’t married.

Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

Pride Toronto’s 30^th anniversary festival features local heroes, international stars, literary lights, interactive arts and everything that is diverse, inclusive, queer and progressive on 9 stages spread over 35 blocks in downtown Toronto.

“Pride-goers can see Cyndi Lauper on the new Queen’s Park stage as part of the expanded Dyke Day program along with local favourites The Cliks, Saidah Baba Talibah, Dragonette, Betti Forde and more” says Mary Zondanos, Arts and Entertainment Manager at Pride Toronto.

Alternaqueer expands its program across the weekend with Lovers Love Haters (Debora Cohen from The Organ’s newest project), MEN, Misstress Barbara LIVE w/ Girls On A Ducati, Ryan G. Hinds, Josie Cotton, Woodhands, Diamond Rings, Private Life (Katie Stelmanis), Copenhagen’s Fagget Fairys and many more.

Divas reign supreme this year with Zelma Davis (from C+C Music Factory), Lolene, one the UK’s hottest exports, local darling Nancy Rancourt, resident Pride diva Simone Denny, Amanda Morra and R&B sensations Ivana Santilli and Jully Black.

Pride Week 2010 also features the TransVerse program, celebrating the Trans community with America’s Best Dance Crew Vogue Evolution, a commissioned dance piece by local superstar Scott Fordham (‘Full of GLEE’), Buck Angel, S. Bear Bergman, Alec Butler, Girlyman – who recently collaborated with Margaret Cho on her upcoming album, San Francisco hip hop notable Katastrophe and more including the official after party done in partnership with Pride Toronto’s South Asian program, FunkAsia!

Dance takes on many forms with Project Dance back for Round Two, along with Colour Me Dragg, Queer Idol’s tribute to Pride Toronto’s 30 year history, House of Monroe, FunkAsia’s amazing dancers, and – another first – the Pride Toronto Flashmob.

In 2010 for the first time, Pride Toronto introduces ‘Werq!’ a circuit music program which spans the whole weekend, taking over Wellesley stage.

“It all kicks off with Aqua Pride, a co-presentation between Pride Toronto and Prism Festival,” says Zondanos. “Prism is one of North America’s largest circuit festivals and we are proud to working with them again.”

The Werq! Stage features Ana Paula, Isaac Escalante, David Morales, Australian dream Kitty Glitter, Honey Dijon, Cajjmere Wray, Mike Viera, Pierre Fitch and others.

The Blockorama stage returns for the 12^th year with a solid line up of resident favourites and new discoveries in George Hislop parkette, including DJ Memphis Sugar, Nik Red, Ayo Leilani, Craig Dominic, Abstract Random, Troy Jackson, Michelle Ross, Ill Nana, Unruly Twin, DJ Bugo and Jojo Flores.

Those hot for electronic music can join JELO, Robb G, The House Moguls, Sydney Blu, Hector Fonseca, Dwayne Minard, MC Flipside, DJ Blackcat, Adam K & Soha, Panic Bomber, Deko-ze, Don Berns AKA Dr. Trance, Neill Macleod, DJ Ritu (BBC radio), Brandon Sek, Chiclet, and  the Yes Yes Y’all crew.

“Pride Toronto’s Village stage includes a stellar line up of Drag Queens, Kings and Burlesque,” Zondanos says, “featuring the Degenderit Cabaret, Zippers Angels, Carlotta Carlisle, GIA, Michel Doiron, Divinesque, Eddie Barnett, Michelle Ross, Ivory, Daytona Bitch, Divine, Genderfuct, Miss Conception, Sofonda Cox, Laura Landauer, Dirk and Flare.

For the younger set, Fruit Loopz produced by Supporting our Youth includes two stages with youth artists in sunny Alexander Parkette, complete with Toronto’s most talented young musicians, slam poets, dancers, actors and drag artists.

The Community Café, Pride Toronto’s community space in which performers donate their performance to the festival in celebration of the community includes the Asian Community AIDS Services, Canadian Tamil Congress, NIA, Bold Steps Dance Studio, Queer Dance Community, Hula Sun Village Dance Troupe, Sapphire Dance Productions and 88 Days of Fortune.

The Pride Lounge, the festival’s singer/songwriter space, will feature performances from Michael Caplan, Meridith Shaw, Melissa Li (from Good Asian Drivers), Michelle Mondesir, Shawnee Lynne, eMKeh, Jaceyln Holmes, Rachel Newman, VIVIV and more.

Literary program Proud Voices is back again with curator Susan G. Cole (Senior Entertainment and Books Editor at NOW Magazine) hosting an incredible and inspiring program with the Aqsa Collective, Truth Is…, Beth Ann Fisher, Christina Starr, Jess Dobkin, Rose Cullis, Krystle Mullin, Lex Vaughn, Mariko Tamaki, Jon Redfern, Shaun Proulx, Emma Donoghue, Pink Ink and Vivek Shraya.

Plot, Engage, Disperse, Pride Toronto’s interactive art program, returns again with students from the Toronto Alternative Arts school, youth from Sketch, life size twister, the “What Does Pride Mean to You” photo project from Pride Toronto’s Youth Committee, live graffiti, sketching and many other ways people can interact with the festival!

Pride Toronto’s new Spotlight Series showcases some of the individuals and organizations who contribute year round to the vibrancy of our cultural community. Carlyle Jansen presents ‘Crave’ a women’s erotic cabaret at the Phoenix, the women behind the ‘club skirts’ Dinah Shore present ‘Jet Setter’ at 99 Sudbury, and Matt Sims presents a special Pride edition of ‘HEY REBEL!’, one of Toronto’s best monthly all ages events at one of Toronto’s best venues, The Great Hall.

In addition, Zahra Dhanani of Funkasia, Nik Red and Shafik Kamani present the official Transverse afterparty at the Phoenix Concert Theatre; Denise Benson and Cozmic Cat present ‘CHERRY BOMB: PRIDE: A DEEPER LOVE’ at Revival; Big Primpin’ does a special edition at Wrongbar; Alan Kliffer presents ‘Gay for Comedy’ at the Panasonic Theatre and the Canadian Lesbian and Gay Archives present a remount of their National Portrait Collection.

“And that’s definitely not all,” says Zondanos. “There are many other performers we will be hosting at Pride this year, so stay tuned!”

For a full schedule of events, including dates, times and locations, keep checking www.pridetoronto.com.

So, I’ve had an interesting few weeks since my last post.

I had a boyfriend for just over two weeks. I broke it off Monday night. Didn’t want to do it on Valentines. I’m not that big a bitch. Well I am, but he was different.

What saddens me about the whole situation is that I could see myself with the guy down the road. The timing was just all wrong. We both made mistakes early on. My mistake was dating a flight attendant. At first, it seemed fun. We wanted the same things, had a great connection. We talked about going on vacations and travelling. I was content. I soon realized it was not the best occupation to have when you decide to start a relationship. I would go 4-5 days without seeing him. As a Scorpio, that doesnt sit well with me. I need to have a lover who is close by. Lets face it: scorpios are horny 24/7! He has done drag a few times, so he didn’t have a problem with dating a drag queen. However, there were a few lessons he had to learn. The same ones I’ve had to teach a few others before him. Thinking about it, I’ve decided to share these with you in case you one day find yourself madly in love with a queen on the scene. Here’s a few helpful tips! Kisses!

Tip 1: Don’t think you’re dating a woman. You’re dating a boy. We don’t live as women. The ones that do are called transexuals. They don’t perform on stages, just Homewood and Maitland. You’ll be dating a guy, and a lot of times we’re more masculine than you! I know more drag queens who are tops than bottoms. Just sayin’!

Tip 2: If you’re going to try on wigs, ask first. Nothing I hate more than walking in on someone wearing one of my best and looking like a mess with no dress. The Sherbourne Health Centre is down the street, honey.

Tip 3: Don’t be clingy. If you go out on the town with a queen and they’re popular or well-known, anticipate that people are going to come up to them and talk to them. Don’t get jealous and protective. Its cute in small doses, but ODing is not the way to go.

Tip 4: If you say ‘I’m coming to your show’, SHOW UP! Don’t text them at midnight telling them you’re in Montreal! That example might be a little personal. Oh well. Anyways, if you say you’re going to come to a show, be there. Sometimes queens have a rough night. After all, we’re underpaid and underappreciated in Toronto. Its always nice to have that smiling, familar face in the crowd to keep our spirits high.

Tip 5: Don’t call us by our drag names when we’re boys. Nothing I hate more than a guy introducing me to his friends as Heroine Marks. When you do that, you just come off as a star fucker.

Tip 6: Don’t expect us to always pay your tab at the end of the night with our show fee. I don’t have ATM written on my forehead, do I? Oh I do. How did that get there? I, personally, don’t mind once in a blue moon, especially if I’ve made tips that night. But if it becomes a weekly routine, I’ll escort you to the door. See ya!

Tip 7: Once in awhile, it wouldn’t kill you to carry our suitcases. Its very sweet and any queen walking to a gig in heels will thank you. After all, you’re not being paid to just stand there and look pretty. I am, so get a wheelin’, Mary!

Tip 8: Tip us! It gets the ball rolling. Wink wink.

That is all for now! Hopefully I didn’t scare anyone off from dating queens. We’re really nice people under all the layers. Well most of us.

Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

Ps. Come see me perform at Fierce Fridays every Friday night at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street). Show starts at 9pm with myself and the fabulous Miss Conception! See you there, sweeties!

Jersey Shore has become a cultural phenomenon. If you haven’t seen the MTV reality show, I must ask this question: what’s wrong with you? If you love trash television as much as I do, you will fall in love with this show in the first minute! Here’s a quick synopsis. MTV put four guidos(young Italian men) and four guidettes(young Italian girls) in a house on Jersey Shore this past summer. In order to live, party, and find fuck buddies in Jersey Shore, the tanorexic kids must work at their landlords store. Heres the real synopsis: drunk 20 somethings with poor grammar looking to fuck.

One of the biggest criticisms the show has received is that it stereotypes Italians in a negative light. As an Italian myself, I could be offended by the stereotypes (tanned skin, hair gel, and fist pumping), but they originate from truth. Watching this show reminds me of my four years of high school. I was a guido at one point. Thankfully those days are over. My hair can breathe these days. Now, there is a whole new generation of guidos and guidettes out there and frankly they love the lifestyle! If they love it and see no problem with it, why should anyone else? I, frankly, can’t get enough of the trashy antics and are sadden that the show’s final episode airs Thursday night. Hopefully Snooki gets a spin off. PS. HERE IS A LINK TO A VIDEO YOUTUBE REMOVED THAT I ORIGINALLY HAD IN THIS POST. ENJOY! http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4d2ebc8f52/alyssa-milano-s-evolution-jersey-shore

On the subject of TV, did anyone see the episode of The View last week when the ladies had a sexual health doctor on explaining the G spot? I have never seen Barbara so focused on an interview subject. She was leaning in, listening closely. You just know she was on the verge of screaming ‘WHERE IS IT?!’ Too much!

Be sure to come check out Fierce Fridays this week at 9pm at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street) with myself and my drag mother, Miss Conception. We always have a fabulous time, so join in on all the fun!

Over at Zelda’s we also have a new Saturday night show starting Jan 30th called Spray Cheese Saturdays at 9pm. Its a drag show, game show, and talk show all rolled into one! It’s hosted by a new queen named Visa DeCline, a heavily medicated, botox happy socialite who is now broke and stuck hosting drag shows to make money. Every week she’ll invite queens from the street to come in and take on new names, personas, and set lists! This will be drag like you’ve never seen it before! So be sure to reserve your seat now!

Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

xoxo

Last night I attended my first Christmas party of the season. I had a blast schmoozing with so many characters from the Church Street scene.  The food seemed never-ending. Even my Italian grandmother would have said, ‘This is a bit excessive.” As usual, a drag queen was a little schmammered. Or maybe it was jet lag? (Don’t worry Gurl, egg nog gets me too.)

One of the highlights of my night was watching local photographer David Hawe walk around with his digital camera, snapping photos of people so that he could later strategically photoshop angry cats and peopleofwalmart.com into the background. If you have no clue what I am referring to, I suggest you have a look at his Coronation photos from this past year on his Facebook. They are HILARIOUS! The man is a genius.

Before the party, I went to see my drag mother, Miss Conception wow the crowd during her Stage to Screen show (Woody’s, 6pm). This week she opened with an outstanding Liza set, followed by an homage to Shirley Temple and Baby Jane. She is truly an unstoppable force on Church Street. Week after week, she packs them in. Why? Because her shows are new and fresh every Sunday. In my opinion, her show is better than cable. She has more talent in her pinky than a lot of queens have had in their 20 something year careers. If you haven’t checked out Miss Conception’s Stage to Screen show, head on down to Woody’s this Sunday.

So, I’m fat. I’ll give you a moment to let it sink in. I know, it shocked me too, but I am a big girl. I’ve decided I’m going to lose weight for Christmas and the New Year, and to keep myself motivated I will be doing it publicly through this blog. I plan on approaching a few gyms in the area and talking to them about possible sponsorship for what I’m calling ‘Honey, they shrunk the drag queen’. If you own a gym and are interested in a drag queen spokesmodel, give me a shout. [email protected].

Tonight I’m heading on down to The Varsity to see a VIP screening of Tom Ford’s ‘A Single Man’. Unfortunately, everyone I’ve asked is busy. So, I’m going alone. How ironic and a tad bit depressing. Oh well. Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

xoxo

http://www.heroinemarks.com

I had my mum staying with me for a week recently, because my dad had to come to the city for surgery.  Now, my parents live in London; a city that prides itself on its medical community.  So, you can imagine how serious Dad’s operation was if he had to have it done here.  I thought Mum and I would be pretty stressed by week’s end and that we would deserve a night on the town.  Of course, Church Street is one of my favourite neighbourhoods.  It was only natural that Mum and I would hit the village.  Read the full story