Many of us reflect on the old metaphor of, “is the glass half empty or is the glass half full?” when thing go wrong or not as planned. This is an exercise in attitude and perspective.

The question really is:  Do you see things as optimistic as in “at least I have half of what I want” and “I do still have a glass”, or pessimistic as in: “I only have half of what I want.”

Have we actually stopped to think that the glass is actually not empty at all? That we actually are, even if we see the glass as half full, missing the reality of the situation and never actually see reality for what it is. After all the question is:

“Is the glass half empty or half full?”

You see what your looking for. Most of us pay attention to the liquid in the glass as we see this as the substance that we need from it. Far too often we are quick to discount the air and light that fill the glass, even when it’s totally empty. In this case the glass is never empty but rather it was a choice for you to see it that way.

Simple Supporting Structure

I can admit when I’m wrong. I have not been living up to my expectations for this blog.  I promised that I would deliver a post a week and I missed a week over the holidays. Well, that was before I started Positivelite.com. I never knew setting up a commercial blog would be not only so much fun but also so much work.

On PositiveLite.com I am committing to the process of quitting smoking. I have not declared my quit date as I wish to spend some time thinking about and researching the structure that I will use to support me in reaching this goal. This got me thinking about the structure I could be using to ensure that I Blog on time here on GayGuideToronto.com.

Short of having Shaun Proulx give me a good swat once in a wile which probably would make a great structure. One that I surely would respond too. As a baby commercial blog owner I know that this would not be very nice structure for Shaun. (Ok that’s a big assumption)

So what structure will I place? I’m thinking that I could set a reminder in my schedual. However I sence that at a time when I am busy it would be like an alarm clock in the morning that just is dying to be snoozed. I have those structures already!

It seems that this structure not good enough it seems that my structure needs a structure. Something that supports my goal even when my basic structures fail. Something that would be a great supporting structure would be to have several posts created in advance. I could also ask my readers to send me a reminder that a post is in order. For me it’s just a gentle reminder is all that’s needed.

Reminders are a great supporting structure so I guess I could have little notes all over the place. My partner who is a little OCD would not enjoy that. Supporting structures especially visual ones can be powerful. They don’t have to be so obvious either.  This past Christmas Shaun gave me a small present. he gave me cuff links with my initials on it. My partner picked them up and placed them on the boat in the bathroom. I love this and I think that this will serve as my visual reminder to do my posts.

Using visual or physical reminders that don’t have meaning to anyone elce other than yourself is a great way of creating structures. Painting a wall let’s say Red or any colour, and thinking “I am painting this wall red to remind me to complete goal ‘A’ ” is such a powerful way of supporting your goals and dreams. Painting a room with this sort of intention creates a pavlovian trigger. Subconsciously, when you walking into that red room you could not help but be reminded even on a subconcious level of what you want. Subconsciously you will think about the action and be more inclined to to take it.

What structures do you have in your life?

What structures support your structures?

What structures do you have that support you in a negative way?

So some pretty insane stuff has happened in my life since my last post. Over this past weekend, I became the youngest Mr. Leatherman Toronto in the history of the competition. For those non leather readers out there this is a pretty big deal. This means a year chock full of appearances, travel, hard work and a ton of charity involvement. MLT is one of the most well respected titles in North America, and to have it represented by someone so young says alot about the direction that the community is going in.

It has already opened so many doors, and will give me the opportunity to further myself personally and to represent Toronto on an International scale. And I would like to take a moment to indulge myself and thank some people who I neglected to mention in various other public forums over the course of the days following. I would first and foremost like to thank my Mom. Followed quite quickly by three people whom I would not of even been a title holder without, Carolyn Kelly, Jack Pearce & McG who helped set me on this path. Ed & Dean for being such amazing title sponsors. Matt Pavelich & Fenn for your continuing support in the face of the competition and now my title year. To my class of 2010, I owe you so much. I learned so much competing against such great guys. Shaun Proulx for the confidence to believe in my voice. Corey Breau for being so young and doing so much with the title. Brendan McGovern even though we barely just met, your coming in 2nd at IML was more inspiration then you can imagine. And to the judging panel, for taking the much more controversial road of appointing a 22 year old as Toronto’s ambassador to the community. And especially Peter Kincheloe for his incredibly kind words. And a huge thanks to Bryan, who I don’t think ever realized that this painfully shy young man would end up where I stand today. And of course to Ray Hayhurst for biscuits.

I look forward to taking this title to all kinds of events throughout the year. To hosting some amazing fundraisers. And working with Mr. Leather Fellowship Devin Thompson & Toronto Bootblack bootboy digger to do some amazing work in the community this year.

Lying in bed and thinking about a dream I had last night. I hope my dream helps you with your dreams.

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So I haven’t blogged in an almost heinous amount of time. And as such I am going to do a redux of some of the things I would have been blogging about had I not been so busy with my numerous other engagements.

Become Part of the Tribe

A few weeks have passed since Northbound Leather’s annual Fetish Extravaganza, but the images are still quite fresh in my head. The fashion show, this year was told in a narrative form seeing a young initiate as he goes through a series of trials to become a full fledged member of a very kinky tribe. Marty Rotman and  his team truly out did themselves with this one. Not only were the fashions mind blowing (Ranging from Mad Max to CBGB to Ancient Africa to Vampires), the over all exploration of the different roots of kink and fetish were so inspired and well produced. It was as if the over all underlying message was one of normalization. That these things all have their roots in other cultures. The theme of Tribe was the perfect one. That no matter our kinks we all stand together as part of a tribe. A chosen family.

You Are Still In The Running To Be The Next Mr. Leatherman Toronto…

So one of the reasons I have been so busy is that I am now a title holder in the leather community. Through a series of odd and somewhat controversial events I ended up becoming Mr. Woody’s Priape.  As such, I have been attending alot of events in the community, making appearances etc. I am having so much fun, and it has really gotten be back into being involved in the community. After all my younger leather friends moved away I kind of just didn’t have the energy to brave going out alone and making new leather friends. And already I have found some amazing friends in my fellow 2o1o title holders. And a week from today begins the MLT weekend, with the Mama Does Toronto party at the Black Eagle. The excitement well out ways the nerves in all of this. And I hope to see you the reader at some of these events (the full list can be found here). And don’t forget that none other then Shaun Proulx will be hosting the contest along with David Kloss (The first Mr. International Leather). They hosted last year and did a fabulous job, and will surely continue to amaze.

I also am one of the youngest (if not the youngest) contestants in MLT history. In a class of some of the youngest title holders (only 2 are over 3o). So wish me luck! Also don’t forget to check out the Toronto Bootblack Contest a the Black Eagle the afternoon of the 28th.

Okay, so the thoughts I am going to explain today simply can not fit into 2 minutes.

Last week we talked about your strengths. (If you did not watch this post  then go here.)

Your strengths are “what you have to offer the world”. Theses are your gifts.

We also come with expectations, “what we need from the world”. These are our values.

Our values – or “what we expect from the world” – are kind of like our personal yard stick. They are the things that we measure our life experience by. They tell us what kind of experience we want. Values come from our history, our life experience, our families experiences, and even our communities experience.

In my practice, I often relate values to being the walls of our house. Our experiences are the foundation on which our values lie. This holds up the roof that protects us, and is in the shape of an arrow pointing up. This keeps us moving forward.

So why are Value SO IMPORTANT? How do we use them? Let’s go back to the house metaphor. Let’s just say I decided to knock one of your walls down. What would happen? Okay so, now let me knock another down. What happens to to your roof, your protection, and your ability to move forward? If values are your walls the support of your life and someone takes that away or tries too? Or what if you even prevent yourself from having what you value. How will you feel?

Feelings are one of the best ways for us to gauge whether or not one of our values is being trampled. Have an uncomfortable feeling? Chances are that something is missing. Time to check in with yourself. Values can guide us in making everyday decisions. As we know we need all 4 walls to keep our house solid. When making a decision, which of the choices will bring you the most of what you value?

So: what are your values? If I were to ask you directly most would say: MONEY, ROMANCE, ETC. The reality is that those values may not even be your values. Money is a North American value, but it may not be yours. One of the easiest ways to find your values is through money. (because we all value it!) What do you spend your money on?

For the next month keep track of what you send your money on.  At the end of the month have a look what are the patterns? This will give you a good idea of what you value. For a more specific values exploration I welcome you to drop me a line at Brandon@btscoaching.com and I will take you through an exploration that takes about an hour over the phone.

Until next week!

Keep your roof up!

Brandon

Knowing what you are good at is a great way of understanding what your capable of. By having this firm understanding we are able to search for deeper meaning, and opportunities that will propel us forward.

One of my biggest pet peeves is explored in this episode of Step 2:. Are you guilty of saying this in your life and can you determine which side of the fence you will sit on? I urge you to make a decision today!!!!!Please enable Javascript and Flash to view this Blip.tv video.