I have really been pushing my work a lot lately with little response and with a client graduating that, has excelled beyond my expectations. And having reignited my passion for Coaching. I found myself questioning what I really want. I admit it. I wanted to quit!

I was challenged by my GayGuideToronto.com publisher to coach myself by asking what would CoachBe say?

He would say what’s worked in the past?
B: Hair has worked in the past.
Cb: Is that what you want?
B: No but I need to make money. What I am doing right now is not making money at all. I am having a hard time even giving it away. I get results from those who do not pay and no results from those who do.
Cb: So when you give it away it works.
B: Yes.
Cb: What do you value?
B: My values are love, choice, faith, belonging.
Cb: I didn’t hear money. Which of the two options gives you the most of your values?
B: Coaching.
Cb: What does that mean?
B: It means that I love coaching and what I really want is just to coach. I do not subscribe to societies value of money. However, money does act as a leverage to keep my clients accountable. We also need money to function. However I am not bankrupt.
Cb: What I hear is that what you want is value.
B: Yes.
Cb: So what if you just filled your practice?
B: I have tried to give a half hour away on GGT but was met with resistance.
Cb: What kind of resistance?
B: Well, the fear of “opening up a can of worms”.
Cb: How are you taking that because, I sense your disappointment. Also, I still don’t quite see how giving a half an hour away is filling your practice.
B: Yes I am disappointed, err.. I hadn’t see it that way before.
Cb: What specifically are you seeing now?
B: Well, if the client was afraid that the can of worms would be opened and I don’t have a full practice. So then, I could offer the client 12 sessions after. For that matter I could just give my time away and do it until my practice is full.
Cb: What would that do?
B: It would provide me with all of my values which is all I ever want for my clients.
Cb: And…
B: It would provide me with word of mouth advertising because I know what coaching can do for myself and for others my clients tell me all the time.
Cb: So what does it take to fill your practice?
B: I could just do it because I love it and I believe in it! I could give it away.
Cb: What would that look like?
B: I don’t know.
Cb: Well I know that means you need time to think so let’s leave it there. Your homework is to think about how you can give it all away.

I’m always open to suggestions.
Stay tuned!

As promised in his campaign, Mayor Rob Ford said he would save me money! I have to share how he’s done this already. Thanks to his Honours special guest, that had the lovely privilege of placing the “Chain of Command” around his Honours neck. Don Cherry, addressed chambers with a good hearty dose of verbal diarrhea. Spewing forth such siloing statements such as: “I wore (Pepto-Bismol) pink to honour all those bike left wing pinkos”. I love Don Cherry because I think he represents the Right very well. Unfortunately that day, he should have drank the the pink instead of spewing. I do believe Pepto comes in Mr. Cherry flavour!

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Last week or so, I posted one of my posts and Partick Marano (Eddie Stone) posted it on Facebook asking the question: “Could you handle a poly-amorous relationship?” One of his friends replied that he could not as he would be jealous. I happened upon it and thought to myself Huh? I guess I need to address this and I did with the response “I thought we had a choice to act on our feelings or not.”

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ONE GREAT THING – A GayGuideGiftGuide:

Dear Santa(s),

All I want for Christmas is an 

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A New Moon in Scorpio is coming to a town near you this Friday.  Stillness, power, passion, and focus – this is what we have to work with this month. November is all about passion and connecting in your heart and gut level to your goals and dreams.

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I made it through the weekend and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the peaceful protest that John and I held in our home.
I am exhausted and pride is just starting. Friday night I attended the pride Media Launch party and I have to admit that that event was not sober friendly but I enjoyed it none the less. I did pop out a little early with my friend Drasko and went home to make steaks on the barbie.

So let me give a brief rundown of the sober events happening over the next week at Pride.

Today, I will be attending the Flag raising at City Hall if you don’t make it don’t worry over the next week I will be live blogging while attending events so keep coming back to see what I am up too. You can also follow me at www.thetinythings.com my micro blog to see more events that are not Pride official but rather Pride related.

This evening there will be a screening of the Film Beyond Gay- the Politics of Pride at the Isabel Bader Theatre and the National Portrait collection will be viewing at the festival site from 7:30 – 10PM every night this week. This is a remount of the Portrait collection of the Canadian Lesbian and Gay Archives.

On Friday we have the Trans march which will be great sober fun for the community starting at 7:00 PM Also later that evening at the Panasonic Theatre the Gay for Comedy Gala will take place.

On Saturday at 10 am the pride remembrance run and Proud Voices starting at 2 pm at James Canning Gardens of course the free zone starts at 10 am providing a totally alcohol and drug free zone lasting through to Sunday. Also the Dyke march starts at 2:00 PM at Church and Hayden.

Cindy Lauper headlines on Saturday night at Queens park I will be there backstage getting photos so check out my blog later this week.

Sunday is a busy day besides the big parade which starts at 2:00 pm along Young St. you can also check out the Market place and community fair in the Church and Wellesley Village. At 5 pm at Queens park the closing program called Never Say Goodbye is being held . Again all day the Free Zone providing Alcohol and drug free events all day.

I hope everybody takes the time to think about your health and and safety this week and most of all reduce the harm you do!

In life, suffering often comes down to attachment vs detachment. We can attach/detach to/from a variety of people, things, concepts, dreams and thoughts. Attachments are about bonds that we form to those things in relationship to ourselves. It is what gives us a working model of how our world works.

Attachment:
Attachment is formed out of our primary relationships in our early years and It is founded from our bonds with our parents and/or primary care givers. There are 4 basic styles that humans use to attach later on in life. They are:

Secure Attachment (passionate)
Securely attached people tend to agree with the following statements: “It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don’t worry about being alone or having others not accept me. These people think: I achieve my goals with relative ease and I am okay with any outcome I adapt as I go along”

Insecure Attachments (obsessive)

Anxious preoccupied attachment:
People who are anxious or preoccupied with attachment tend to agree with the following statements: “I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them”. These people think: I can’t do it but I can get others to do it for me.

Dismissive- Avoidance attachment:
People with a dismissive style of avoidance attachment tent to agree with these statements: “I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important for me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.” These people think: I am independent. I can do it best on my own.

Fearful- avoidance attachment:
People with the fearful style of avoidance attachment tend to agree with the following statements: “I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I become too close to others.” These people think: I want to achieve this but I just don’t know if I can and I am not sure who can or would help me.

Over the course of many interactions we form expectations about the accessibility and the helpfulness of the things of which we become attached. These expectations reflect our thoughts about ourselves and about our world. It is our thoughts about ourselves together with the thoughts about our world that form our working model for attachment. Bartholomew and Horowitz examined the relationship between attachment style, self esteem, and sociability. The diagram below shows the relationship they observed. In this diagram we can clearly see the relationship between our thoughts of ourselves, “I believe that I am worthy or not” vs our thoughts about the world outside of us ” I believe that the world outside of me thinks I am worthy or not worthy”


Detachment
Detachment is the release from desire and consequently from suffering. It is an important principle, or even ideal, in the Baha i Faith, Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Judaism, Jainism, Kabbalah, and Taoism. It is the the state in which a person overcomes his or her attachment or desire for things, people or concepts of the world and thus attains a heightened perspective.

Self Application
Don Miguel Riuz author of the four agreements speaks about desire and how it has two components. When desire is expressed in a healthy fashion, it becomes passion and when it’s expressed in a harmful manner it becomes obsession. We attach to our desired outcome. Detachment is the ability to to overcome an attachment to a desired outcome (obsession) which leads to true passion.

Reflection
What are you attached too?
What areas are you willing to detach from?
Knowing that detachment is about not having a desired outcome or being obsessed, what are you truly passionate about?
Knowing what you are truly attaching to is a powerful way to explore the many underlying belief systems that you may have. Not only those beliefs you hold for yourself but also the beliefs you hold about the world outside of yourself. Truly understand that attaching without a belief system that says that you can achieve what ever you want will only leave you feeling very alone and others feeling used. Also understanding that attaching without a belief system that says that others will support you will often leave you missing out on opportunity. Truly understand what is it that we are attaching to or detaching from can be a liberating and motivating experience and it can be a new source for meaning, purpose and passion.

Reflection
What outcomes are you attached to when working with your clients?
How can we use our clients unhealthy attachments to best support them in moving forward?

If simple things like thoughts can change our reality. I can’t see why the planets can’t have some effect on us. Many females have their ‘monthly visitor’ in conduction with the full moon. Mercury is one of the planets that I often follow and for me it usually brings a nice neat set of challenges for me to over come. Mercury is the planet of communication and frequently I will have breakdowns of this type. Typically it comes in the form of spilling coffee on my laptop or a fight with a business partner that ends in a major disappointment.

What happens with Mercury, is that from our perspective here on earth. It appears to be traveling backwards. All the planets do this actually. With Mercury being so close and so small it happens more frequently approximately 3 times a year the recent event started on my Birthday the 18th of April Ugh!~ Happy Birthday

Because the little planet appears to be traveling backwards, often people will experience a period of feeling like, doing something over again. It brings out our old Shit so we can communicate about it. This time is a little different for me. it’s just plain crazy and this time it not me, Thank god! This time is actually not all bad, well not for me. Surprisingly, I find that many people are combing forward with their addictions and a desire not to be addicted anymore. I find myself playing a major supporting role.

So what Mercury is trying to teach me? Perhaps it’s not about me this time and rather, it’s about helping others communicate their pain. Following astrology may or may not actually be valid, although their are many skeptics. I consult astrology only to help me see things that I may have not been looking for. Often it has been the source of inspiration when looking to move forward in my life. So now I’m wondering what’s Mercury trying to teach you?