Last Thursday a friend had invited me along to see Joan Rivers at Centre for the Living Arts.

This was the first time I had seen her live. To be expected were the numerous of blue-hair rinses with expectations they were coming to an evening of “coffee chat” with Joan Rivers, and we were out in Mississauga.

Instead, I’d venture to say they probably never have heard references to female anatomy in all its forms in their entire lives than they did that evening.

Having never seen Joan River’s live, I’ve heard that she puts it all out there and crosses every line there is to be crossed.  What I discovered was a very funny 76-year-old woman who could care less about what you thought.

One of the reasons I think she can get away with it is that she has a history of community involvement, and raising a lot of money for charities.

For example, was she got on to the subject of AIDS, I laughed quite a bit, mostly because she dared go there and pulled it off.

“There was a time when AIDS was killing everyone, now it’s a long-term chronic illness. I don’t want to be delivering meals to the same guy three Thanksgivings in a row, and then watch him go off to the gym. Either AIDS is going to kill you, or I am!” she says motioning as if she holding a knife up.

At Spirits for their weekly Open Mic night, a friend and I had a recent conversation about how you don’t come to comedy and then complain about being offended. “Comedy is how we work all this shit out in our lives.” says my friend, a comic herself.

Having said that, one guy that night told a joke about rather than go to Canada’s Wonderland to wait in long line ups, and pay 60 dollars to feel like you were going to die for five minutes, why not just go get an HIV test done.

He lost the audience on that one, and had to work to get us back.  But that’s comedy, people take a lot of risk: Sometimes it works, sometimes doesn’t.  I wasn’t offended, but slightly uncomfortable for a second. The rest of his set was quite funny and he did win us back.

Joan continued on with her brand of inappropriate humour.

On Jennifer Aniston:

“She’s so needy that a rapist wouldn’t even go near her” Pretending to be Jennifer Aniston talking to the rapist, “Will I see you again?”

On getting older:

“Nobody told me when I was going to get old my vagina was going to drop. One day I looked down and I was wearing bunny slippers. Now I can have sex in one room, and watch TV in the other.”

On 9/11:

“Did you know that the families of people who died in 9/11 all got five million dollars, five million dollars. Really I can think of a few relatives that should have been there. Oh grow up! Just wait until Thanksgiving and look around the table.

It was a great night out, and I hadn’t laughed that hard since I’d seen Kathy Griffin.

I now know the litmus test of a good comedy night is when people walk out,  something both Joan and Kathy can easily make people do.

It’s the calm after the Olympic storm that saw Canada’s athletes achieve record-breaking accomplishments, making a country proud! Not so much on the world stage last week was also Bent Village, a two-night discussion about the state of the Church/Wellesley Village.

When it comes to the future of the Village—people care passionately

The first night at the Gladstone Art Bar was standing-room-only. Attendees came prepared with amazing questions, concerns and comments about the Village and our four panelists (two from the Church/Wellesley Business Improvement Area and two distinguished queer activists) handled the lively conversation beautifully. So, what did we learn?

We learned the Village is not dead or even on life-support, for that matter. However, there are many issues being voiced by the community that certainly need dealing with, including:

• Reaching out to queers of colour, lesbians, trans people and diverse ages
• Rents for businesses
• Business that support gay clients
• Gays supporting local business
• Security
• Violence (both physical and non-physical)
• Drugs
• Youth

While this is no small feat, the energy and enthusiasm of those who attended both evenings was palpable and proves that—when it comes to the past, present and future of the Village—people care passionately.

With all the positives that came from the two nights of Bent Village, there was one unfortunate situation that happened. Much to our surprise—and at the last minute—Bent Village Part 2 at Gladaman’s Den was preempted by the Olympic hockey showdown between Canada and the United States. This was an understandable business decision made by the venue’s owner the afternoon of Bent.

We had to scramble to alert everyone as to the change of time (6:00pm instead of the advertised 4:00pm). For the most part we were successful and two of our four panelists were able to accommodate the time change. Unfortunately, one of the panelists from the Church Street BIA didn’t receive the notification in time and was inconvenienced. For that we are sorry. Unforeseen things happen sometimes at the last minute to throw a wrench into the plans.

I hope he has more class than to publicly attack and malign two people who volunteer their time

Even more unfortunately, this man decided to write a rather scathing email to Bent’s organizer, chastising him for the mix up. To add insult to injury, he chose to copy everyone on the CWBIA, the Pride Committee and others, maligning the Bent Expressions organizer and me.

As an events planner, he must know sometimes situations occur at the last minute that are unexpected. In this case, we were pushed back two hours. I certainly hope he remembers this the next time he plans an event and finds himself scrambling at the last minute to accommodate a sudden change. I also hope he has more class than to publicly attack and malign two people who volunteer their time to create a dialogue in our community.

Thanks again to all the people who showed up and spoke up and thank you to our panelists. See you all at next month’s Bent Expressions!

Cheers,
Andrew Vail

Oh the French always know how to do it.

I have to admit, being an avid fan of the sport,  these images make me want to rush out and buy a carton of smokes.

For some reason that wasn’t the intention of this French anti-smoking campaign. “Fumer c’est être l’esclave du tabac”, or  “Smoking, be a slave to tobacco,” is the caption under each photograph.

Needless to say there is a big brouhaha in France over this campaign. The intention was to get people talking.  It didn’t get me talking,  it got me fantasizing something that I’m pretty sure is a federal offense.

Now who would create such provocative images? The answer would be the Association for Nonsmokers’ Rights.

The group’s director Mr Parola says they are not about sex at all:

“The visuals have a sexual connotation, that I can’t deny, but it’s really a way to start a discussion with young people to get them to understand the dangers of smoking.”

Now I’ve done a lot of things, but I’ve never sucked cock and smoked. I’ve eaten and smoked. I am going to have to give a try though.

The marketing company who designed this campaign certainly did get people talking, but I’m not so sure the images I’ve just conjured up are quite what they were thinking off.

Mr Parola continues:

“Traditional advertisements targeting teens don’t affect them. Talking about issues of health, illness or even death, they don’t get it,” the group’s director, Remi Parola, told The Associated Press in an interview. “However, when we talk about submission and dependence, they listen.”

I have to disagree, teens will listen when you start talking about fellatio – the new second base, parents beware.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s an interesting idea, but in my humble view this is what happens when one over intellectualize an idea to the point that it actually sounds like it will work.

How many hours did high level “ad men” huddle around the idea of sexual submission – and really is it submissive to be on one’s knees?

I don’t think they know how hard it is to get a guy off orally sometimes. There ain’t no submissiveness there, just shear determination.

I digress.

Kids listen up, the moral of the story is if you are going to go to second base, make sure you’re a non-smoker, and make sure the business man pays you.

Since I’m pimping my videos, which I call experimental video instead of experimental theatre, I thought I’d through this recent one out. It’s my submission to win a free DVD from Kathy Griffin. Of course I can just by the damn thing, but this is such more fun. Of course it is probably NSFW

The Real Housewives of Orange County,” and  ”The Real House Wives of Atlanta and New Jersey”  got me talking with a friend in the buidling on how we should make our own show. Always to be the one to take crazy ideas and make them reality — you don’t become a hooker with a passport unless you’re not that kind of person — and grabbed my camera and set out to make  my first John Water’s inspired Canadian Content of  ”The Real Hags of Cabbagetown.”

I start with the first two hags, Jone and Roxy, but there are more.  So for a cheap Monday morning post, I will share with you my train wreck.

It’s not pretty. And like I say, it can only get better.

My Valentine’s sucked! That’s right my man didn’t get me anything! But than again many straight guys just don’t get Valentine’s Day. All I wanted was a card, a box of chocolates, or flowers. Even a “Happy Valentine’s Day” would’ve have sufficed.

To be honest who am I kidding I didn’t come home till 3:30pm on the 14^th after my events I had to host at, and chillin with my friends. So, in his defense I may not have gotten me anything either.

What didn’t suck were the Valentine events. The Scenester Showdown at The Barn on the 12^th was great! Jamal had the DJ booth set up on the dancefloor on the main floor of the venue which makes for far better interaction with the DJ.

I’ve seen one laptop set up during a set, maybe two while the next DJ is setting up, but never three alongside two CDJs, seriously! That’s a mad set up. Word on the dancefloor was that DJTK was the Showdown hands down!

And let me mention the sweet gift bag for the winner, Johnny T. He sure got a lot of goodies to make his Valentine’s complete alone or with that special someone courtesy of Stag Shop.

CiRCA’s “Love, Sex & Magic” was also great. Damn! My Scenester Radio producer and BFF gave me chocolates and even CiRCA brought tasty chocolate, strawberry treats to our table.

Joe Ghost who opened for Behrouz and Addy totally got me; his beats were bumpy and awesome. Yet I didn’t get a chance to see him. Hence the Ghost maybe?

All was good till the fire alarm went off. That’s right around 3am just as we were headed to the DJ booth area to get our dance on, the music shut off and firemen came in. Yes some were hot (no pun intended), but since it would be a bit for them to sort this fire thing out in a venue the size of CiRCA we decided to call it a night and head back to the studio.

My Valentine’s had no spark, and ended in a false alarm. Good times!

Now that it’s over I move into March hoping for warmer weather and some crazy parties upon us. I’ll be a host at Deko-ze’s birthday at Footwork on March 5^th with Adam K and Mark Falco also on the bill.

March 6^th is DJ Bliss’s “Elevate 1-year Anniversary” at LOL Lounge with Addy, DJ Saeed, Matt Gracie and more…

Let’s not forget infamous JaXx HouZe 9 – The Enchanted Tribal Platoon will detonate April 2010. Talk about sexy men in army fatigues gyrating to tribal house. Yummy!

For guestlist for any of these events please email guestlist@scenestermagazine.com.

See you on the dancefloor!

Depending on whom you listen to, the Village (Church & Wellesley) is either dead, on life support or just going through a renaissance period of rebirth and reinvention. While die-hards stand by the venerable Village steadfastly, many on the Street and in the media are sounding the death knell as bars and businesses shut shop for good or for lower rents in other areas. Is Church Street dead or merely resting? Read the full story

I’ve been watching the Olympics and enjoying the great performances of our athletes—especially in the moguls races. One can’t help but feel a sense of pride as a Canadian watching the Games. I must admit, I was dubious about the success of the Games and am somewhat cynical when it comes to the spectacular cost of Olympic venues host cities face. However, once the opening ceremonies got under way, I had the glow of a proud Canadian, watching the incredible show unfold. Read the full story

Valentine’s Day is right up there with the December holidays! The only thing I like about it is February 15, because the chocolate is on sale. Despite the sales, February 15, bugs me as well with our provincial holiday called, “Family Day,” which sounds far too Christian too me.

Why hate such a holiday? Well, anytime I was in a relationship I rebelled at anything that felt contrived and forced upon me without my consent. Suddenly, because Hallmark says so, I’m supposed to be so in love that I want to go buy a gift, do a dinner or something.

Usually the day ended up in a fight, without the make up sex. Perhaps this is why I’ve learned this Pavlovian response to the day.  One time I was traveling across the country, arrived back home quite late, and didn’t have a card or anything and all hell broke lose. Sure, I know, I was a bad boyfriend.

To me it’s like doing drag. All these guys who put down the drag queens can’t wait to put on a dress come October 31^st, as if they somehow now have permission to do it. I’ve never felt the need to have permission to get into a costume, especially having been a make up artists. I can do this anytime of the year.

Read the full story