Is 1 really the loneliest number? Andrew Vail explores the question in his blog post below and in a Skpe convo with GGT Publisher Shaun Proulx:

There is nothing more tragic than being alone. The single gal is an object more to be pitied than scorned—unless of course she’s hanging around your man too much, then the gloves come off. Surely, there is no greater cross to bear than being a one in a sea of twos, threes, fours and mores.

But wait! What’s that I hear off in the distance? Why, it’s the sound of hundreds, even thousands of single people…laughing! How can this be? How can these poor, sad, lonely souls ring out with peels of laughter when they should be home alone with their tearful faces buried in their pillows? Turns out, we’re starting to take the ‘sin’ out of being single and discovering a life lived alone does not necessarily lead to loneliness.

We’re starting to
take the ‘sin’ out of being single

I’ll admit I spent a good deal of my life pining for the right man to come along and rescue me from the spectre of spinsterhood. I’d play sad songs devoted to the lonesome and lovelorn and wander the barren streets in all my singleness waiting for that longing glance from across the room as my dream man and I locked eyes. We’d know this was it. We’d know we’d be together until the twelfth of never…and that’s a long, long, time.

Sappy love songs aside, I did find love. All over the place: in bars, in clubs, at work, online. And for all the love I found, I’m alone again, naturally. It turns out love wasn’t the answer to my unrequited dreams. It turns out love wasn’t the cure for my loneliness. It turns out the panacea for my aching heart was—GASP—me!

It’s a solo revolution,
a singular societal sensation

I have been having heart-to-heart talks with friends and other interested parties about the notion of being alone, and whether being alone makes us destined to be lonely. To my great surprise and delight, we singles are not the sad sacks we’re made out to be by the coupled (or otherwise conjoined), pop songs, pop psychologists, the media, RomComs and so on. There seems to be a new power to being a person who lives a life unfettered. It’s a solo revolution, a singular societal sensation.

Now, this isn’t to decry those who have found their mate and those who are still searching in earnest—heart, soul and loins ablaze for that special connection. This isn’t a bash against same-sex marriage. Everyone should have the right to create the relationship they desire. This is a stake in the ground for those of us destined to spend more time on our own than with a partner, without shame, without guilt and without feeling like the ugly duckling at the school dance.

More and more people I talk to about this all agree: better to be alone than to be with someone and be lonely. How can you possibly feel lonely when you are partnered? Trust me, it’s easier than you think. When things aren’t working out, when you aren’t communicating, when you realize your values are not converging and you are heading in separate directions (usually toward separation), it’s very easy to feel like you’re standing on an ice flow in the middle of the North Sea with no land in site. That’s lonely.

Being in an unhealthy relationship with someone is bad for your emotional, physical and spiritual health. It drags you down into depression and anxiety. Trying to navigate a bad relationship can put you in a situation where you begin to compromise your ethical core. Suddenly, you aren’t you anymore. You turn into do-or-die relationship survivalist who will do anything to save what is likely doomed to die. Better the entity dies than you. There’s no point in going down with the ship when there are lifeboats surrounding you.

Fill yourself with the excitement
and ebullience that once fueled you

Cling to your friends. Cry your eyes out. Write bad poetry and get it out of your system. Then, begin to embrace the solace, power and freedom of being a person unencumbered. Look at your world through clear eyes. Live your life according to your rules. Chase your aspirations and re-engage with your dreams. Fill yourself with the excitement and ebullience that once fueled you and set forth into the world with renewed energy and purpose.

You are you: Singular. Solo. Sensational. Pilot your ship. Set your course. Create your own destiny. If you happen to meet someone special along your journey and want to bring them with you…great! However, if you find yourself a lone ship on a vast ocean, fill your lungs with the fresh air, drink in the views and know that wherever you land, you’ll be just fine.

As I continue to delve into gay sexual anthropology, I have become fascinated with the notion of NSA “relationships”. For those of you not in the know, NSA stands for No Strings Attached. This is based on the idea that one has a single—or number of—sex partners who can meet their erotic needs free of emotion or commitment.

I can see the merits of NSA relationships, although I loathe to call them relationships as they seem predicated on the quickie or hook up as opposed to anything more substantial. But that’s okay, everybody needs a sexual outlet every so often.

NSA relations seem to have taken over with the warmer sounding “friends with benefits”. There was something kind of sweet and cuddly about the friends with benefits arrangement as it implies, well, friends. A pair of buddies getting together for a little social interaction prior to a little sexual intercourse. It has the feeling of fun, but with a bit of an attachment—like I know your name, at least.

Now, with the proliferation of NSA hookups, there seems to be no need for a name—or even a face. Walk in, fuck, then fuck off. Again, that’s fine, everybody needs a sexual outlet every now and then and it doesn’t have to end in marriage. However, the NSA arrangement seems to becoming more and more commonplace than ever before; or maybe it’s just coming out of the proverbial closet.

We certainly are experts at playing
fuck ‘em and forget ‘em

There are ads on dating sites looking for NSA hookups, there are websites dedicated to NSA hookups and there are people who will just look you in the eye and tell you they just want to fuck. Hey, at least they’re being honest about it. What gets me are the ones who get all lovely-dovey, fill your ears with sweet talk and then after you’ve gotten hem off they act like they owe you money.

Certainly the NSA arrangement is not exclusive to gay men, but we are certainly experts of playing fuck ‘em and forget ‘em. To our credit, we are quite open and up front about what we are looking for sexually. However, I am slightly concerned that the NSA mentality may be oozing out of the bedroom (or bathhouse, or alleyway) and finding its way into other relationships:

NSA employment. I get the fun of having a career, making money and having a cool Linkedin profile, but if things get too demanding, I’m outta here.

NSA friendships. I get the fun and frivolity of having a shopping, social or bar buddy, but if things get too serious, I’m outta here.

NSA marriages. I get the fun of having a wedding, reception and honeymoon, but if things get too challenging, I’m outta here.

No Strings Attached arrangements can be a very attractive prospect in this day and age, but I am left to wonder: if we want everything to have no strings, what are the ties that bind us?

Recently, I was talking to someone about the proliferation of personal ads by gay men on dating/hookup sites and on live chat sites. Now, this is not something I usually jaw about off the cuff, but I found what I was seeing fascinating—and a little peculiar. More and more gay men seem to be ‘bored & horny”.

Right off the bat I find this to be a dichotomous conundrum! I can understand the state of being bored. I can understand the state of being horny. But how the hell can you be bored and horny at the same time?

The person I was talking to about this happens to be an activist and educator in the field of human sexuality and quite outspoken about sex and sexuality. When I told her about this, her first reaction was to laugh at the seeming impossibility of the marriage between bored and horny (sounds like a twisted sitcom!). Her second reaction was concern about the state of sexuality—and simple existence. Read the full story

We have entered the last sign, Pisces. It’s interesting how Pisces, a water sign which is also represented by the fish, occurs during one of the wettest times of the year (February 19-March 20). Aquarius, the Water Bearer, has done its job of pouring water onto the parched world below. On top of that, with the promise of the arrival of spring; more snow and rain, Pisces is going to do what it does best: swim! As the oldest sign, Pisces is known for having “its head in the clouds and its tail downstream”. Sometimes, people born under the astrological sign of Pisces seem to float their way through life…

Read the full story

This is the last entry in my experiences at The Rock Store. Have you ever wondered what an crystal healing session would be like? Do you know anything about reiki, or are curious to how energy healing and energy transmittion works?

After my crystal card reading was done, I was asked to lie down on a raised table covered in warm, comfortable blankets. After I was relaxed, Samantha placed the sacred crystals on each of my seven chakras (and I held some in my open palms, as well). The experience was very relaxing. Essentially, Samantha traveled around my body and transmitted healing energy into me. At certain times, she would touch parts of my body – and the touch was very soothing and supportive. For me, the experience was so amazing because the method of touch and the places where the energy exchange took place were places you don’t ordinarily get touched with such care (for example, the back of your neck or the top of your head). During the experience, I felt an overwhelming sense of calm and relaxation.

After the crystal healing, I felt much cleaner (energy wise). I stood up straighter, and I could feel a difference in my physical body – especially with my breath.  It was almost as if my energy, or my chakras, had been “cleaned out”. After the therapy session, Samantha also told me things that she had received during my reading – which are a little personal – but were absolutely correct. Of course, I wasn’t surprised…

If you are interested in a crystal reading or healing session, visit The Rock Store for more information. For me, it was definitely worth it. I encourage anyone who is even the least bit curious to give it a try. You definitely feel a physical difference after the therapy session, and if you are wondering what crystals and rocks work best with you, a crystal card reading would be a good way to connect with what crystals want to work with you.

“We’re making our way across Canada right now, because this is where we started!” So declared Heart lead vocalist Ann Wilson to an adoring, sold out crowd at Toronto’s Massey Hall. Heart has been on a 20-city tour across the land where it all began and they have been blowing people’s minds at every stop. The Toronto show was no different.

The band took the stage to the undulating beats of Cook With Fire, Nancy wearing a customized hockey jersey with the band’s name emblazoned across the front. When Ann walked out and took her place at centre stage, the crowd went ballistic. The band blasted through a series of hits from the 70s and 80s, including Heartless, What About Love and Straight On and a very beautifully reworked version of Dog and Butterfly, with Ann’s voice soaring and sinuously wrapping around the lyrics.

The apotheosis of the night may have been Ann’s spectacular delivery of their song, Alone

Nancy took the spotlight to sing two Heart hits, their first number one, These Dreams—beautifully done on mandolin with Ann gently strumming a black acoustic guitar behind her. She then brought out a dulcimer and performed their latest hit, Hey You, a sing-along acoustic romp with a “na-na-na-na-na” chorus, yet with deceptively melancholic lyrics. Ann took the mic for the title track from their latest album, Red Velvet Car, a song about undying love and support for a friend.

The apotheosis of the night may have been Ann’s spectacular delivery of another number one song, Alone. Stripped down from its 80s bombast and flash, the song was done with just Nancy’s acoustic guitar and Debbie Shair’s keyboards. Ann’s voice was front-and-centre as she deftly handled the changing keys until she came to the climax of the song with a passionate roar that showed she is still one of the finest, most powerful singers in music—and brought the entire audience to its feet for a thunderous ovation.

From then on it was unabashed rock: the new screed, WTF, followed by a trio of classics, Magic Man, Crazy on You and Barracuda. The band came back for two encores, Zeppelin’s What is and What Should Never Be and the Who’s Love Reign O’er Me, both showing the band’s dexterity and passion, and, of course, Ann Wilson’s remarkable pipes. After a few minutes of unbridled cheering, Heart took the stage for one last song, the title track from the album that got it all started back in 1976, Dreamboat Annie. It was a poignant and deliciously sweet end to the show.

Enjoy this clip from Toronto show (and check out Ann’s awesome boots):

Aside form going to a concert and enjoying the performance, I’ve always been in the habit of checking out who else is there. Since I like rock bands, I long ago got in the habit of having a look at who was in the crowd. I think part of it was self-preservation because I’m gay and was nervous I’d be “spotted” by possible bashers. But the other thing was to see if there were any other gay folks there. To my surprise, I started to notice more and more gay men and women at rock concerts—particularly at Heart concerts. Hey, I went to last week’s Toronto show with a few gay men, one straight woman, and we later met lots of lesbians.

“I think that a lot of gay people…appreciate the power in individuality that we represent, inside
of a restrictive culture.” – Nancy Wilson

Before Heart set off on their current Canadian tour, I asked Nancy why she thought Heart has such a large gay following. As best she can figure, it’s because “we always broke the mold, and never have conformed to the prescribed sexual agendas of typical expectations.” She went on to explain, “I think that a lot of gay people relate to us and appreciate the power in individuality that we represent, inside of a restrictive culture.”

Certainly, Ann and Nancy were outsiders in the male-dominated rock world when they got started and they wouldn’t play the game when it came to sexism and other favours that were expected from them by some people in the industry back in those days. Being a woman in rock was one thing. Being gay in rock was another. Though neither Ann nor Nancy is gay, they have lots of friends in the industry who are, including Rufus Wainwright and Elton John (both of whom sang with Ann on her recent solo album, Hope and Glory). As well, they support LGBT causes, performing at a variety of benefits.

I wondered if it has changed or gotten any easier for gays in the rock world or is it still relatively status quo. “I think it’s more appreciated than ever across the board worldwide,” Nancy opined. “But the boys club in America still drives us nuts, too.”

Over the past 35 years, Ann and Nancy Wilson have created incredible music inside Heart, as solo artists and in their “hobby band” the Lovemongers (a band that spawned the society of diehard fans called the Heartmongers). Through the years they have performed with power, passion—and dignity. They never compromised their art or their ethics. I think that’s one of the reasons fans have been so devoted and loyal to these women.

I asked Nancy that, when all is said and done, how would she like to be remembered in music history. She said, “I would like to be remembered like a romantic poet, and a one-of-a-kind-goddess.”

Hey Nancy…done and done!

Heart has been famous longer than some of their fans have been alive. That’s a pretty interesting fact to contemplate. In the finicky, fickle world of music, Heart has managed to survive and thrive. I kind of think of them as the energizer bunny of rock and roll—they just keep going and going and going.

Ann and Nancy Wilson—the creative and spiritual nucleus of Heart—have been navigating the band through rock’s stormy seas for over 35 years. They have seen dizzying highs and near career-ending lows, yet they have maintained their vision and managed to keep coming back almost as many times as Cher. Through the years, Heart has racked up 22 Top 40 hits, sold millions of albums and performed thousands of concerts for millions of fans around the world. Not bad for two army brats from the Pacific Northwest who taught themselves how to play guitar while listening to Beatles albums in their bedroom.

Heart has just embarked on their first full Canada-wide tour in over 30 years. The tour began in St. John’s, Newfoundland and will wind up in the city where it all began, Vancouver, BC, by the end of February. The tour is in support of their latest album, Red Velvet Car (which debuted in the top ten on the Billboard Hot 200 Album Chart last autumn), their upcoming live DVD release and as a big hug to the country where Heart first found success. I had an opportunity to ask the band’s iconic guitarist Nancy Wilson a few questions about the band, their genesis, their appeal to gay fans and their legacy before she set off for Newfoundland. Here’s a bit of what she had to say.

“Our mom has influenced every day of our lives.” – Nancy Wilson

Red Velvet Car has been a commercial and critical success garnering acclaim from nearly every reviewer who has listened to it. Produced by Canada’s Ben Mink (he of kd lang fame), RVC harkens back to Heart’s early sound with lots of acoustic guitars, harmonies, roaring riffs and evocative lyrics. It’s interesting to note that the album seems to close a lyrical circle that began with their debut single, Magic Man. The hook of that song was a conversation between Ann and her mother: “Come on home girl, mama cried on the phone. Too soon to lose my baby yet, my girl should be at home.” On their latest single, WTF, there is a lyric taken from the Wilson’s late mother’s journal: “The hardest thing you’ll ever learn is what bridge to cross and what bridge to burn.” Clearly, their mother has played an important role in their lives and their music. According to Nancy, “Our mom has influenced every day of our lives on a cellular level, including everything we ever did artistically.”

The lyrical circle seems to have a ‘both sides now’ perspective on life, from the concern for the welfare and innocence of youth to the view from the other side of it all. Nancy credits their survival skills to their mother’s examples, “She was a strong, independent romantic with formidable claws. We picked up many cues from her for survival techniques as well as songs.” Where would we be without our mothers?

Check out the rockin’ acoustic riffs and Mama Wilson’s lyrical contribution on WTF:

While Heart has its roots in Canada (Ann followed her boyfriend to Vancouver when he was evading the Vietnam draft, a situation that spawned the lyrical core of songs including Magic Man and Crazy on You), the road to fame was not easily won. The band slugged it out in the bar circuit for years and was turned down by every label around while trying to get a recording deal. It was a radio station in Montreal that broke the band by featuring tracks from Dreamboat Annie and earning Heart an opening spot on Rod Stewart’s 1976 Canadian tour. The rest is history.

“The first few times we played in Toronto people just sat on their hands with their noses in the air.” – Nancy Wilson

Heart enraptured Montreal, but Toronto was another story altogether. As Nancy recalls, “Toronto was always the toughest nut to crack in Canada for us. The first few times we played in Toronto people just sat on their hands with their noses in the air. But then after Barracuda we had them.” It was that song’s convulsive guitar riff, searing vocals and ‘fuck you’ attitude that put Heart over the top. Toronto has loved Heart ever since!

Heart is as famous for its distinctive guitar chords as it is for Ann Wilson’s jaw-dropping voice. And while they have had a succession of players in the band, they’ve managed to keep their signature sound intact. The latest incarnation of Heart features—among others—new bassist Kristian Attard. I’ve seen this guy play and he’s one of the best bassists I’ve ever heard. His grooves are sheering, throbbing and in places Rick-James/George Clinton-funky. And he never stops whipping his hair! I asked Nancy how he came to be in Heart. “Our previous kick-ass bass player Ric Markmann brought Kristian in to the band as his replacement,” she explained, “It’s been nothing but perfect ever since.”

Listen to Kristian’s kick-ass bass on ‘Wheels’ from Red Velvet Car:

Check back next week as Nancy shares her thoughts on Heart’s large gay following, how she’d like to be remembered and my review of their Massey Hall show in Toronto on February 11^th.

Uganda’s attack on homosexuals has not let up since it came to the forefront last year. As a matter of fact, things have gotten much worse as the media spotlight has dimmed on the issue.

Last week, gay rights activist David Kato was beaten to death in his home by at least one person (who has since been arrested). Kato was an outspoken gay rights proponent in Uganda and has been targeted by many anti-gay groups in the country—particularly the national newspaper Rolling Stone. Read the full story

Twenty-five years after it first conjured up controversy, Dire Straits’ ode to MTV, “Money for Nothing” is front and centre once again because of its lyrical content. I guess everything old truly is new again.

The latest blowup over the song stems from a complaint made by a radio listener in St. John’s, Newfoundland who took issue when the local rock station played the original version of the song. There are two versions of ‘Money For Nothing’, the most commonly-played omits the offending faggot stanza. Read the full story

Aquarius by Josephine Wall

You know the old song The Age of Aquarius by The 5^th Dimension? I think that Raquel Welch did a cover of the song, too. Well those born under the Sun sign of Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) are perfect representatives for this age. They have the social conscience needed to carry us into the new millennium because of their humanitarian and philanthropic ways. Aquarians are visionaries. Some may say they are a tad unusual, but hey – there’s nothing wrong with that! Aquarians are air sings, and they like to think outside the box. C’mon, we just stepped out of Capricorn who is King of following the rules so Aquarius wants to mix things up.

Read the full story