Leo by Josephine Wall

It’s the middle of summer – one of the hottest times of the year. If you thought it couldn’t get much warmer, Leo (July 23 – August 22) has entered the scene and cranked up the heat. With that being said, it’s not surprising that Leo is a fixed, fire sign. Since fixed signs come along as the season is already underway – Cancer was cardinal; the kick-off of the season – Leo’s represent going deeper. At the same time, being fixed means it’s difficult to let go.

A Leo is proud. Just think of a lion and its long, beautiful mane. King of the jungle. That is what a Leo is (or wants to be!)

Leo is probably the zodiac’s most poised of risk-takers and roller-coaster riders. One minute c’est la vie; the next minute life’s a bitch. But that’s what makes you special. In the face of adversity, you stand tall. You stick up for friends. You constantly re-invent yourself. So you’re getting a little down on life… you reinvent yourself! Your part in the musical is too small? You make it bigger!

Leo’s motto is “I Will, therefore I Am”. They want to know their unique place in the universe. “What role do I play?” We know that whichever role you choose, Leo, you will play it wonderfully. Deep down, even though Leo’s can – at times – seem bold and brash, they seldom show their vulnerable side. But it’s there.

A Leo in love? With such a dramatic sign, of course they fall helplessly, passionately and desperately – and all the other signs are going to hear about it! Just don’t get in a fight with Libra (because you both are the zodiac’s biggest romantic Patsys).

Happy Birthday, Leo!

Well my crazy schedule has finally calmed down! Here I sit with fingers on the keyboard and Stoli on ice eager to update you all on what has been happening since our last chat. Where shall I begin? Maybe I’ll begin with Heroine Marks’ Mild Inconvenience of the Day. I have two today!

1. Gingers who try to look hot.

No matter how hard you try, its just not happening. Please stop! Especially you, Lindsay.

2. Britney Spear’ Telephone Demo.

For those of you who don’t know, Telephone was originally pitched to Britney. Her label turned it down. Well, her demo version of the song has been leaked. If you haven’t heard, have a listen. Yikes! Click here.

Moving on…

-I recently was involved in a cooking show set to air later this year on a sister network of W. I won’t give too much away, but I can assure you eating in drag is not attractive! I had a lot of fun on the set, but probably gained 10 lbs. Why must craft services be so tempting?

-Last week, my best gal pal Zanna scored two free tickets to a food and wine tasting at the reference library on Yonge. I can cross off ‘Being drunk in a library’ on my list of things to do before I die. We sampled different appetizers from local restaurants and voted on which restaurant should win. We really just went for the free wine, and boy did we ever put a dent in those bottles! We made our rounds and found one bartender who was very generous with his pour. All the appetizers were seafood related. Well, minus the goose liver. Yes thats right. I ate goose liver. Anyways, Zanna doesn’t like seafood. So after about 5 glasses of wine, we decided to leave and get Subway. We then returned for another 5 glasses of wine. Don’t judge! They were small glasses. Afterwards, we hit up a local bar with Zanna’s friend who gave us the tickets and his brother, a former contestant on last year’s So You Think You Can Dance Canada. Surprisingly, he was straight. I don’t remember much from that night expect singing ‘Don’t Stop Believin” in an Asian karaoke bar. I was reminded that night why I lipsync.

-I’m having a lot of fun with my latest show, h2.0, at Crews and Tangos every Thursday at 11pm with co-host Honey Brown. We love taking requests from the audience, so come finger our boxes and help decide the show. Don’t forget to check out my other two shows at Zelda’s Living Well. On Fridays starting at 9pm, Miss Conception and I hit the stage. This past week, two of my friends thought it would be a hoot to keep buying me tequilla. I don’t think I’ve ever been that drunk on stage before. I’ll get them back! Highlight of the night was performing ‘Love Game’ and throwing a dildo in the air and having it suddenly stick to the ceiling. Kodka moment! On Saturdays, come check out my baby, ‘Spray Cheese Saturdays’. Different guest every week. Character and celebrity impersonations. It is always a lot of fun and a show not to be missed! This week my guest is Daytona Bitch. Love her! Two scorpios=mayhem and laughs! The crazyness starts at 9pm! Last night the Scientologists next door were having some sort of block party celebration during the show. I’m going to assume they recaptured Katie Holmes.

-Tomorrow, myself and the Zelda’s crew(lead by Miss Angelfire herself), will be attending the launch party for Priscilla Queen of The Dessert. I <3 scaring straight people. I wonder if they’ll have free wine too. Could I be any more Italian?

-I’m going to be taking a four day vacation from Toronto in June. I’ll be visiting one of my best friends in Sault Ste Marie. I’m really excited! It will be nice to get away from Toronto and not be woken up by hooker fights at 4am.

*FYI*

This is a new segment in my blog where I share with you queens to look out for, songs to download, and youtube videos that will leave you in stitches.

Queen on the Scene: If you haven’t heard of Amber Ellert, Facebook her. She is a new queen on the scene and someone to watch. She recently placed 2nd in Candice’s Star Search at Crews and Tangos. She will be entering again soon, and she is in it to win it. Check her out!

Pump or Dump: Kelis is back with a new album. You’ve probably heard Accapella by now, but there is another gem off her album that I have on repeat at the moment. Its called Brave. Check it out! Thanks Will for the suggestion! Katy Perry also has a new song out . If you’ve ever been to one of my shows, you probably know how much I love La Perry. Its called ‘California Gurls’. Check it out! Its already been added to my box!

YouTube Video of the Week: It’s time for cat massage! I love this video soooooooooo much. Something tells me she isn’t married.

Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

Am I the only person who is sick to death of Justin Bieber? I just find him annoying. He can’t sing now, and when his balls finally drop, he won’t be able to sing then either. I know I shouldn’t bash Canadian artists, but I’m tired of this kid being shoved down our throats by his record label. CP24 the other day had a news flash headline about him coming to Toronto. Is that news these days? I log onto YouTube and all of the top videos are of Justin Bieber. Clearly the space was purchased by his management.

This leads to Heroine Marks’ Mild Inconvenience of the Day: Justin Bieber

You offer no contribution to the music industry, and the fact that Ludacris is featured in one of your songs makes me judge him for being a sellout. What’s sick is that I have friends who think he is hot. EEEWWWWWWW! Jailbait! Justin, I don’t know who is incharge of your image, but you look like any lesbian standing outside of Slack’s on a Friday or Saturday night. You’re not tough nor have street cred. Oh, and please pull up your pants! Think of them as diapers, which I’m sure you just stopped using 4 years ago.

 What I love is the fact that there is now a blog dedicated to comparing pictures of Bieber to pictures of lesbians. Too much fun. If you haven’t seen it, check it out by clicking here .

That’s all for one day. I’m all Biebered out.

Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

xoxo

Today after work, I headed on over to Dollarama. Tonight I’m going to start constructing a prop for my Spray Cheese show on Saturday, so I figured I might as well pick up some supplies while I’m in the area.

While walking down an isle looking for brown paint, I witnessed a rather intense scene that had me in stitches. An elderly woman with a heavy Russian accent walked up to a Dollarama employee who looked suspiciously similar to Consezula, the mexican maid on Family Guy. (Ps. I’m impersonating Consezula Saturday during my show!) “Where can I find blue? I’m looking for pencil blue. I’m making a picture,” the elderly woman said in broken English. “Aisle 8,” said Consezula, as she continues staking scissors without making any eye contact with the customer. “You’ve told me Aisle 8 already! And Aisle 3!” said the frustrated customer. “Go ask the girl in Aisle 8,” said Consezula, who is now pointing and still refusing to make eye contact with the customer. I find my paint and start heading in the opposite direction.

I’m in Aisle 6, searching for foam board. The argument has somehow followed me. Now the woman is asking a male employee(who looks like a greasy porn star from the 90′s we’ll call Rico) which isle she can find her beloved blue pencils. Before I get to his response, let me just say this: I’m not a fan of Rico. Everytime I go into that Dollarama I somehow find myself at his cash register. He is always rude to me and I’m not exactly sure why. I will say ‘Hi” and he doesn’t answer. I just assumed he was a deaf mute or had a speech inpediment. So, I stopped caring. Well the other day, I was in line and he was the only register available. The guy before me walks up and Rico suddenly has a voice. “Hey dude, how’s it going?” he says. The customer and Rico joke around and partake in small talk. Clearly they have never met before but Rico decided to be friendly and wishes the man a good night. I walk up after the customer leaves, and I think ‘Ok, maybe he’ll finally have a personality.” I smile and say “Hi, how are you?” What do I get as a response? “You want a bag?” Somehow a little disappointed, I tell him ‘Yes’. Rico then hands me a bag and says ‘You can put your stuff in this one.” WTF! Aren’t you getting paid to bag my shit? Whatever!

Anyways, back to the story…

He shrugged and made little eye contact with the poor woman. “Ask her,” he said, pointing to Consezula who is now stacking ‘Welcome’ decorations at the end of the aisle. The irony is delicious! Consezula pays no attention to the customer and asks the male employee if he can stack the decorations because she isn’t tall enough. By now, the woman is beyond pissed. “Why is it when I come here you people don’t know where anything is?” she said. Amen sista!

This leads to Heroine Marks’ Mild Inconvenience of the Day: Dollarama employees

I know stacking toilet paper and dollarstore pregnancy tests are not the ideal job for most people, but if you’re going to work at Dollarama at least know where shit is! Dollarama employees are about as useful as using prayer for birth control. The best part of this story is that the woman complained to the manager while I was cashing out. “I was going to help her,” says Rico. “I don’t know why she is getting all mad.” Consezula, on the other hand, came up with another excuse. “I couldn’t understand her.”

Oh my.

Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

xoxo

Hello everyone!

Hope you had a fabulous Easter, celebrating the life of a man who was well hung and a nail biter.

It has been awhile since my last update.

Unfortunately, I have been having some issues with my computer. It has been overheating and shutting down unexpectedly. This has been happening while I’ve been working on mixes for my drag shows. Annoying! My computer has become a mild inconvenience in my day. Nevertheless, it has inspired me to start a series through this blog called ‘Heroine Marks’ Mild Inconvenience of the Day’. Everytime I add a new post to GGT, I will include an inconvenience of the day. Lets get the ball rolling!

Heroine Marks’ Mild Inconvenience of the Day – People who end a long and dull story with ‘You had to be there!’

Over the past few weeks, I have fallen victim to that little phrase more often than I’d like. From now on, I think people should start stories with ‘You had to be there’ as a warning and heads up. Will save me from pretending to be interested. Just a thought.

Updates from my end:

-I’m having a lot of fun with my latest show, Spray Cheese Saturdays, at Zelda’s Living Well. It is a 2 hour show where I get to perform my character and celebrity parodies and impersonations, and I’m having a lot of fun making props and mixes for it! If you haven’t checked it out yet, what are you waiting for? This week, my guest is the fabulous Daytona Bitch. Show starts at 9pm! Don’t miss the fun!

-I’m currently working on my makeup portfolio. I’m looking to find males and females who are interested in sitting down and having their makeup applied by moi. If you are interested, contact me at heroinemarks@hotmail.com and we can work something out!

-I put the final nail in my dating coffin on Friday. I joined PlentyofFish.com. How sad. My roommate suggested I join, since my love life hasn’t been crazy enough the past 6 months. I decided to make my profile as ridiculous as possible. Under interests, I wrote scaring small school children, eating in front of the homeless, and recycling. Oddly enough, I have been receiving quite a few messages from guys. They must really be desperate. These fish have been thrown back for a reason! 

-Crews and Tangos will be re-opening their doors soon under new management. Please don’t ask me for a specific date, as I still don’t know. However, one thing I can announce, is that Honey Brown and myself will be co-hosting Thursday nights at Crews once the bar re-opens. I am very excited to be apart of the new bar and look forward to seeing a new establishment open on Church Street. Honey and I still haven’t decided on a name for the show. We both thought of H2. If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave them!

Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

xoxo

Deko-ze’s birthday is one of my favourite events to host, as hectic as events such as this may be it’s the urgency which keeps me going. This year his birthday was held at Footwork Bar & Afterhours on March 5^th, 2010 with Adam K, Mark Falco and Deko-ze on deck.

The night started off with me ensuring a film crew was organized who were coming to shoot for an upcoming documentary, but at 8pm it started to get hairy; my phone was ringing off the hook, texts were flying in to the sound of my “knock-knock” tone, emails poured in all wanting guest list. Read the full story

So, I’ve had an interesting few weeks since my last post.

I had a boyfriend for just over two weeks. I broke it off Monday night. Didn’t want to do it on Valentines. I’m not that big a bitch. Well I am, but he was different.

What saddens me about the whole situation is that I could see myself with the guy down the road. The timing was just all wrong. We both made mistakes early on. My mistake was dating a flight attendant. At first, it seemed fun. We wanted the same things, had a great connection. We talked about going on vacations and travelling. I was content. I soon realized it was not the best occupation to have when you decide to start a relationship. I would go 4-5 days without seeing him. As a Scorpio, that doesnt sit well with me. I need to have a lover who is close by. Lets face it: scorpios are horny 24/7! He has done drag a few times, so he didn’t have a problem with dating a drag queen. However, there were a few lessons he had to learn. The same ones I’ve had to teach a few others before him. Thinking about it, I’ve decided to share these with you in case you one day find yourself madly in love with a queen on the scene. Here’s a few helpful tips! Kisses!

Tip 1: Don’t think you’re dating a woman. You’re dating a boy. We don’t live as women. The ones that do are called transexuals. They don’t perform on stages, just Homewood and Maitland. You’ll be dating a guy, and a lot of times we’re more masculine than you! I know more drag queens who are tops than bottoms. Just sayin’!

Tip 2: If you’re going to try on wigs, ask first. Nothing I hate more than walking in on someone wearing one of my best and looking like a mess with no dress. The Sherbourne Health Centre is down the street, honey.

Tip 3: Don’t be clingy. If you go out on the town with a queen and they’re popular or well-known, anticipate that people are going to come up to them and talk to them. Don’t get jealous and protective. Its cute in small doses, but ODing is not the way to go.

Tip 4: If you say ‘I’m coming to your show’, SHOW UP! Don’t text them at midnight telling them you’re in Montreal! That example might be a little personal. Oh well. Anyways, if you say you’re going to come to a show, be there. Sometimes queens have a rough night. After all, we’re underpaid and underappreciated in Toronto. Its always nice to have that smiling, familar face in the crowd to keep our spirits high.

Tip 5: Don’t call us by our drag names when we’re boys. Nothing I hate more than a guy introducing me to his friends as Heroine Marks. When you do that, you just come off as a star fucker.

Tip 6: Don’t expect us to always pay your tab at the end of the night with our show fee. I don’t have ATM written on my forehead, do I? Oh I do. How did that get there? I, personally, don’t mind once in a blue moon, especially if I’ve made tips that night. But if it becomes a weekly routine, I’ll escort you to the door. See ya!

Tip 7: Once in awhile, it wouldn’t kill you to carry our suitcases. Its very sweet and any queen walking to a gig in heels will thank you. After all, you’re not being paid to just stand there and look pretty. I am, so get a wheelin’, Mary!

Tip 8: Tip us! It gets the ball rolling. Wink wink.

That is all for now! Hopefully I didn’t scare anyone off from dating queens. We’re really nice people under all the layers. Well most of us.

Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

Ps. Come see me perform at Fierce Fridays every Friday night at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street). Show starts at 9pm with myself and the fabulous Miss Conception! See you there, sweeties!

Jersey Shore has become a cultural phenomenon. If you haven’t seen the MTV reality show, I must ask this question: what’s wrong with you? If you love trash television as much as I do, you will fall in love with this show in the first minute! Here’s a quick synopsis. MTV put four guidos(young Italian men) and four guidettes(young Italian girls) in a house on Jersey Shore this past summer. In order to live, party, and find fuck buddies in Jersey Shore, the tanorexic kids must work at their landlords store. Heres the real synopsis: drunk 20 somethings with poor grammar looking to fuck.

One of the biggest criticisms the show has received is that it stereotypes Italians in a negative light. As an Italian myself, I could be offended by the stereotypes (tanned skin, hair gel, and fist pumping), but they originate from truth. Watching this show reminds me of my four years of high school. I was a guido at one point. Thankfully those days are over. My hair can breathe these days. Now, there is a whole new generation of guidos and guidettes out there and frankly they love the lifestyle! If they love it and see no problem with it, why should anyone else? I, frankly, can’t get enough of the trashy antics and are sadden that the show’s final episode airs Thursday night. Hopefully Snooki gets a spin off. PS. HERE IS A LINK TO A VIDEO YOUTUBE REMOVED THAT I ORIGINALLY HAD IN THIS POST. ENJOY! http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4d2ebc8f52/alyssa-milano-s-evolution-jersey-shore

On the subject of TV, did anyone see the episode of The View last week when the ladies had a sexual health doctor on explaining the G spot? I have never seen Barbara so focused on an interview subject. She was leaning in, listening closely. You just know she was on the verge of screaming ‘WHERE IS IT?!’ Too much!

Be sure to come check out Fierce Fridays this week at 9pm at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street) with myself and my drag mother, Miss Conception. We always have a fabulous time, so join in on all the fun!

Over at Zelda’s we also have a new Saturday night show starting Jan 30th called Spray Cheese Saturdays at 9pm. Its a drag show, game show, and talk show all rolled into one! It’s hosted by a new queen named Visa DeCline, a heavily medicated, botox happy socialite who is now broke and stuck hosting drag shows to make money. Every week she’ll invite queens from the street to come in and take on new names, personas, and set lists! This will be drag like you’ve never seen it before! So be sure to reserve your seat now!

Until next time…

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

xoxo

I woke up this morning and logged onto Facebook, as I normally do. Its my morning ritual. Some people have coffee, I have friend requests. I was greeted with a message from the people at Facebook that stated there were new privacy features that could restrict who sees what on my profile. To be completely honest, I don’t need these features. I screen people myself when they try and add me as a friend. I’m not a size queen who worries about collecting people and calling them my friends. If I know you, I’ll accept you. If I have no clue who you are, I chalk you up as a tranny chaser and give you a big ol fat decline. Simple as that. What concerns me about Facebook is the fact that I had one of my photos stolen from my boy account. Someone by the name of Fener Cilgin copied the small thumbnail image of my display pic and is using it as his display picture. I was enraged when I saw it. It is identity theft to the extreme. I reported it to Facebook and the guy’s profile has still not been deleted. I submitted 3 complaints and yet there is my beautiful Italian boy face being used for what I can assume is some 40 year old Swedish guy’s profile. So, being the bitch that I am, I added him under my Heroine Marks drag Facebook account. Still waiting on a response. Lets just say, if he accepts me he’s in for it.

Another thing about Facebook. Did you know they have employees and branches all over the world? A friend of mine just moved to Germany to work for the branch located there. Doesn’t working for Facebook defeat the purpose of working? How else are you going to be distracted? Do Facebook employees get a Twitter account to put off doing their work? Just something to think about.

Not sure if you’ve heard the news, but apparently Pride week is being pushed back a week due to the G8 summit. I think I just heard a million livers scream with joy at the exact same time. Or maybe that was just the Mexican I had for dinner. Not sure. Anyways, the police will be needed for security during the summit and will not be able to do both the summit and gay-a-palozza! Good thing. If there were no cops during Pride, there would be a whole lot of bitch slapping going on. “You drank the last Rev, biatch!” *slap slap* 

With love and venom,

Heroine Marks

xoxo

I thought a lot about whether I should write about the King of Pop seeing that’s all we’ve seen and read about since his death. But everyone has a Michael Jackson story, a relation to all, or one of his tracks which rings special in your heart. Just as some of you I have a strong love, experience and worship for this man of greatness.

Back in the day I used to escape from my father’s wrath by taking break dancing classes and taking the moves to the streets. Unfortunately, Calgary didn’t have much breaking and popping in the streets as Toronto or New York.

I remember dancing in a store front where my dad was repairing the store. My friend and I had nothing else to do but dance, which we did to the sounds of the “Thriller” album as passers by peered in.

As I got older I discovered MJ’s “Off The Wall” album. I was walking through some mall in South West Calgary, saw a poster of the cover, thought it was his new album (how was I to know? I was only about five or six at the time) and bought it. I thought it was OK, but not as good as “Thriller”. Now, I appreciate both for all their ear candy glory. My current ring tone is “Don’t Stop Til’ You Get Enough”

Later as my not so successful dancing career progressed I was performing here, there and travelling with a troupe doing performances showcasing Michael Jackson’s songs. I had two routines, one to “Scream” which Michael did with his sister Janet Jackson. We even wore black PVC from head to toe just like in the video. Good times.

The other routine we had was to “Black and White” where we wore one black glove and one white glove, with black dress slacks, suspenders and a white blouse. Oh! The memories!

Once I was in my late twenties and only doing a bit of dancing I was hired to do several Halloween shows where I was apart of a dance crew performing to “Thriller”. Awesome!

I thought our routines rocked. Whether they really did or not I’ll never know. What did rock was how Michael Jackson and his music touched me in such an emotional way it can only be felt in my heart, where it warmed and helped me through the good and bad of my younger years. Today I realize just how much his music influenced me. I owe much of my love for music to Him.

In 2005 I got the sweet gig of hosting “electronica” on bpm:tv. I had the opportunity of writing, co-producing and hosting a four part serious called, “The Foundations of House”. I included Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video. It may not be labeled as house, but it is apart of the foundation of house music.

In 2008 I had the honour, thanks to DJTK to host Pride Toronto’s Central Stage. When Miss Butter’s hosting shift ended she came down to me and passed me a black leather glove with rhinestones on it and said, “This has been passed down in memory of Michael Jackson, and I’m passing it to you.” I was very privileged she thought of me.

I have it placed upon a tall glitter box on my dresser so it stands tall and is easy to see. To me this glove means; strength, difference, truth, creativeness, fearlessness and genius.