THANKSGIVING :: Things I’m thankful for: G-Force Training: without their guidance and support, I’d be dead. It’s as simple as that. Although pie does taste good, you can’t taste it (or Extra’s Dessert Delights gum) from the grave. I’m grateful for my friends. They’re my rock. They keep real when I’m knee deep in the Cray Cray and they’re Cray Cray when I get too real. I’m grateful for my talents, both real and imagined. It’s nice to be able to generate an income just being me, no matter how bad this economy gets. I’m very grateful for the possibilities that our world and time provide me on a daily basis. Just knowing that it can all change in a blink of an eye makes me less worried about the bad times and more appreciate of the times that are good. And finally, I’m very grateful to all who read my blogs and attend my shows. I’m as entertained by my your interest as you are by my sense of humour.

Happy holidays to you all!

Miss Raquel gives thanks for her uncle and grandmother’s concurrent heart attacks. (Yep.)

Alright, since April I’ve been working out with G-Force Training. It’s been over 5 months of working out twice a week with Gidon, the world’s most patient and supportive trainer and owner of G-Force. 5 months of changing my bad eating habits -

“no carbs after midnight? Come on!”

And 5 long months of working out on my own for 45 minutes, one day a week.

Okay, who’re we kidding? I hardly ever worked out on my own. Sorry Gidon but it’s true.

But eventually, I did start to walk more, and use the stairs more. And I really don’t miss the carbs at night although I’d kill for a pan of lasagna. What did you say? And now here we are, over 5 months later. I’m still working out with Gidon and his fantastic team at G-Force 2 times a week but now I also work out at Steamworks 5 times a week!
Did you know they have a fantastic gym there that almost never gets used? No line ups and there’s porn! What gym offers that? I’ll tell you, when you’re burning it out on the elliptical at level 10, you want to watch a hot eatin’ to get you over the hump!
Anyway, it’s been 5 long months of sweat and tears and finally, for the first time in over 20 years, I am under 300 lbs! Not Weight Watchers, not vegetarianism, nothing helped me help myself like G-Force! They have quite literally saved my life. Now if you’re looking to regain control of yourself and your body, do yourself a favour and start moving today. If you have trouble motivating yourself, visit www.gforcetraining.com . They not only can help, their results are guaranteed! Look how gorgeous I am!

Well it’s been 7 weeks and, at the time of this blogging, 26 lbs and I’ve never felt more alive. I know I’m alive because my body is in constant agony! Everytime I even think about moving, even just a little, my whole body protests. Right now, sitting here typing, there are more muscles complaining about the activity than I’m sure are necessary to sustain the human body. Little muscles in my upper inner thigh have me walking like the undead. My newly awoken abdominals have me snapping shut like a switch blade every time I sneezeI And it’s any body’s guess if my arms will succeed in getting a cup coffee cup to my face. I’m thinking of investing in straws. I needs my coffee, which Gidon wishes I would drink black. I tell him it’s good to want things. It builds character . So does coffee. See how hard my workouts are?! Anyway, back to my body (that’s what you’re last boyfriend said), as much as it protests at even the slightest hint of activity. I think I’m becoming addicted to the workouts. I know, I’m scared too! I find myself looking forward to them. And the sense of satisfaction when I’ve finished is delicious! Yesterday I did my first push up! Not from my knees, shut your face, or just moving my head up and down, what did you say, I mean a real honest to God, big boy push up. On the toes, chest to the ground and back up again. There was moment when i didn’t think it was going to happen. Then, like a Christmas miracle, all these little muscles I didn’t know I had took over. There was no effort on my part. The muscles knew what needed to be done and got to it. I stared in disbelief at Gidon as I started to rise, almost float away from the floor. For a second he looked like he thought I was possessed but as soon as there was no pea soup, he seemed to relax. Seriously, how could there be? Pea soup isn’t on my meal plan. So the point is, I think I’m starting to cross over. To become one of them. A fit person. It’s like some strange sort of athletic Stockholm Syndrome. It’s starting to affect my mind. Sometimes, when it’s real quite, like after last call at O’Grady’s, I swear I can hear the CN tower steps calling my name.

…Richard….climb us Richard….

I’m scared!

Okay Poodles, here it is. I just turned 44. I’m 350 lbs and my only cardio is eating chips. Which I’m very good at. I even have a shirt dedicated to the task. But it’s not good and I’m not proud. So when the advertising team at 103.9 Proud FM came to me to see if I wanted to work out with G-Force Training, I was insulted! “Are you calling me fat?” …is what I would’ve yelled if the very act of being insulted hadn’t winded me. So I took it as a hint from God and I jumped at the chance. Okay, I didn’t exactly jump…that’s too much like exercise, but I did see this as a once in a lifetime chance at taking control of my fat fatty fag fat ways and making a change in my life. Let’s face it, youth and fitness are lost on the young. I’d rather be fit in my later years so that I can still get out of bed, go to the toilet AND wipe my own ass without the help of some registered stranger. But I digress. Let me first say that I hate working out. I don’t like sweating. I don’t enjoy muscle fatigue (what did you call me) and I don’t glow in any kind of post workout high. It’s a main reason why I’m fat. Hell, I don’t even like video games with too much running and jumping. I would never come up with “working out” as an activity on my own which is why the G-Force opportunity is so great. Gidon, my trainer and owner of G-Force comes to my place twice a week and works me out for an hour…cool down and meditation included. He brings all the equipment so there’s nothing to buy unless you need sweat clothes. I sweat so much that I consider all my clothes sweat clothes but that’s not what Gidon meant. Anyway, he varies my workout so I don’t get bored and he’s structured a meal plan designed to keep me from self sabotaging all my sweaty, whiney efforts. Did I mention that I live moments away from a Baskin Robins? Jesus hates me. It’s probably because I’m gay. But again, I digress. Seriously, working out is not an activity I would come up with on my own but I am loving the results! I’m two weeks into our 3 month program and my balance is better, I’m not so winded when I walk up the 4 flights of stairs to my apartment (yes, you heard me…fatty lives on four) and I’ve already lost 10 lbs! Suck on that Doritos! Needless to say I’m thrilled. I still don’t like the idea of working out but I’m liking what working out does! Already I’m seeing a change in my endurance and and it’s totally improved my quality of sleep at night. So I’ll be keeping you up to date about my trials and tribs in the fitness field over the next 2 and a half months and touting the fabulousness that is G-Force! Seriously, if you want to change your life, change your trainer…and give away that chip eatin’ shirt!