HEARTBURN :: So I’ve been working out with G Force Training for over a year now which doesn’t only involve exercise but also the complete overhauling of my food intake. Which basically means I haven’t eaten carbs past 4 pm for a year. So imagine my poor stomach’s shock and dismay over the recent Thanksgiving weekend at being forced to deal with mashed potatoes (made with cream, Brie and bacon. I know, heaven), turkey soaked stuffing, and fat laden gravy at 7 pm. Needless to say I awoke in the wee hours Sunday morning with my first bout of heartburn in over 12 months!

It wasn’t pretty. There is no better advertisement for healthy living than gastrointestinal woes. Trust me.

Okay, it’s 16 days and counting until my meteoric climb up the CN Tower steps and the question on everyone’s lips is … why? Well I’d like to say it’s for The World Wildlife Foundation Canada because it’s a great cause that’s making our world a better place. But that’s not it. I’m doing it because I’m fat. Well, okay, less fat. I’ve been working out for the past year with Gidon Gabbay of G-Force Training and to date have lost just over 70 lbs. But don’t get me wrong, I’m still fat. Because I’m lazy. If there’s an easier way to do something (ie: while I’m sitting), I’ll do it. And stairs are no exception. In the history of me, I’ve always opted for escalators, elevators and ground level businesses. If I had to walk up even one flight of stairs I wouldn’t go. I hate stairs. But I hate being fat more! So I’m celebrating my successful year with G-Force and making up for 40 years of sloth by going up the CN Tower’s 1776 steps. If you never hear from me again, the stairs won! You can sponsor my climb by clicking here!

So, this holiday I regressed. I didn’t work out for almost 2 weeks. Quite frankly I’d had enough and wanted to celebrate the holidays by not sweating. And I ate. You name it, if it had calories, I put it in my mouth…and I don’t mean in a sexy way. Candies, cookies, bread, gravy, stuffing, ice cream, burgers, fried anything. It was a holiday to remember, but now the calories have come home to roost. Dreading my return to working out last Tuesday, I got on my scale for the first time in over a week. I couldn’t even find it at first, mostly because I’d hidden it under my shame. My fear of what I’d see on that digital readout was extreme but I knew I had to pay the piper. I was so disappointed but not too surprised to see my scale tell me I was 8 lbs heavier. 8 lbs in less than 2 weeks! I confessed all to my trainer, Gidon Gabay who assured me the damage wasn’t permanent and then proceeded to work me out like the fat bitch I am. I sweated more in that hour than I think I have in my whole life to date and to my absolute surprise and delight, the next morning after my morning trip to the toilet, I was 7 lbs lighter! Either my trainer is a workout God or I’m just full of shit.

Alright, since April I’ve been working out with G-Force Training. It’s been over 5 months of working out twice a week with Gidon, the world’s most patient and supportive trainer and owner of G-Force. 5 months of changing my bad eating habits -

“no carbs after midnight? Come on!”

And 5 long months of working out on my own for 45 minutes, one day a week.

Okay, who’re we kidding? I hardly ever worked out on my own. Sorry Gidon but it’s true.

But eventually, I did start to walk more, and use the stairs more. And I really don’t miss the carbs at night although I’d kill for a pan of lasagna. What did you say? And now here we are, over 5 months later. I’m still working out with Gidon and his fantastic team at G-Force 2 times a week but now I also work out at Steamworks 5 times a week!
Did you know they have a fantastic gym there that almost never gets used? No line ups and there’s porn! What gym offers that? I’ll tell you, when you’re burning it out on the elliptical at level 10, you want to watch a hot eatin’ to get you over the hump!
Anyway, it’s been 5 long months of sweat and tears and finally, for the first time in over 20 years, I am under 300 lbs! Not Weight Watchers, not vegetarianism, nothing helped me help myself like G-Force! They have quite literally saved my life. Now if you’re looking to regain control of yourself and your body, do yourself a favour and start moving today. If you have trouble motivating yourself, visit www.gforcetraining.com . They not only can help, their results are guaranteed! Look how gorgeous I am!

So, it’s the Scotiabank Contact Photography Festival and I’m thumbing through their festival guide, like you do, when I came across something that caught my eye. Well, I couldn’t miss it actually because it was a picture of a bald man and the glare from his forehead was a little blinding. Nice Head…The Bald Man Project was the name of the show and Rob Allen was the photographer. That’s all I needed to know. Actually, they had me at Nice Head, but I digress. Bald men are sexy! Jason Statham and most of the UFC are prime examples of that so off I toddled to The Bald Man Project. I toddled because as you know, I’m working out with G-Force Training and a good swift toddle burns more calories and uses more muscle than just your average walk. I’m all about the toddle, people! So I finally get to the exhibit and nothing. Well, not nothing. There were a bunch of people milling around like they were at an art showing; drinks in hand, bored stares, but no photos. No art of any kind was on any of the walls…not even a brightly coloured memo. It was odd. There was no one of any authourity, no Scotiabank Contact signs anywhere. It was like there was an art show going on without the art. Then I noticed something. Everyone milling around had hair! Even the women! Thick, gorgeous, bouncin’ AND behavin’ locks. Maybe the Bald Man’s Project wasn’t for bald men! Maybe it was for people with a full head of hair so they could better appreciate what they have and pity those that are obviously being punished by The Lord. And then maybe they saw me, a big ol’ bald girl, toddlin’ their way and they panicked. They took down all the pictures so as not offend me, the follically challenged, and then went out of their way not to notice me. I’m a big girl people. I’m kinda difficult not to notice! All I could do was put my hat back on and head (pardon the pun) for the door. But I swear, just before my hat was back on my head, I heard a camera go click.