Every city has it’s quirks. And Toronto is no exception. I was just out for a simple stroll with the dogs on a beautiful Sunday morning, when what to my wandering eye should appear… a lot!!! I swear to you, I was just minding my own business, but sometimes that’s not enough.

When you live in a big city, the second you step out your door, there it is to greet you, for better or for worse… LIFE!

Okay Poodles, here it is. I just turned 44. I’m 350 lbs and my only cardio is eating chips. Which I’m very good at. I even have a shirt dedicated to the task. But it’s not good and I’m not proud. So when the advertising team at 103.9 Proud FM came to me to see if I wanted to work out with G-Force Training, I was insulted! “Are you calling me fat?” …is what I would’ve yelled if the very act of being insulted hadn’t winded me. So I took it as a hint from God and I jumped at the chance. Okay, I didn’t exactly jump…that’s too much like exercise, but I did see this as a once in a lifetime chance at taking control of my fat fatty fag fat ways and making a change in my life. Let’s face it, youth and fitness are lost on the young. I’d rather be fit in my later years so that I can still get out of bed, go to the toilet AND wipe my own ass without the help of some registered stranger. But I digress. Let me first say that I hate working out. I don’t like sweating. I don’t enjoy muscle fatigue (what did you call me) and I don’t glow in any kind of post workout high. It’s a main reason why I’m fat. Hell, I don’t even like video games with too much running and jumping. I would never come up with “working out” as an activity on my own which is why the G-Force opportunity is so great. Gidon, my trainer and owner of G-Force comes to my place twice a week and works me out for an hour…cool down and meditation included. He brings all the equipment so there’s nothing to buy unless you need sweat clothes. I sweat so much that I consider all my clothes sweat clothes but that’s not what Gidon meant. Anyway, he varies my workout so I don’t get bored and he’s structured a meal plan designed to keep me from self sabotaging all my sweaty, whiney efforts. Did I mention that I live moments away from a Baskin Robins? Jesus hates me. It’s probably because I’m gay. But again, I digress. Seriously, working out is not an activity I would come up with on my own but I am loving the results! I’m two weeks into our 3 month program and my balance is better, I’m not so winded when I walk up the 4 flights of stairs to my apartment (yes, you heard me…fatty lives on four) and I’ve already lost 10 lbs! Suck on that Doritos! Needless to say I’m thrilled. I still don’t like the idea of working out but I’m liking what working out does! Already I’m seeing a change in my endurance and and it’s totally improved my quality of sleep at night. So I’ll be keeping you up to date about my trials and tribs in the fitness field over the next 2 and a half months and touting the fabulousness that is G-Force! Seriously, if you want to change your life, change your trainer…and give away that chip eatin’ shirt!

Brace yourself. I’m about to gush with excitement and trust me, any of the two men I’ve ever dated will tell you, I don’t gush! For one glorious day Gleethe best TV show show ever, will merge with 103.9 PROUD FM to create the epicenter of Global Gleek-dom: 103.9 Glee FM! Seriously, I wouldn’t lie about this! On Monday April 12, to launch their return to TV on Tuesdays, and to complete of season 1; Season 1? I thought this was season 2. Hell, with that hiccup in programming last year it should be season 2.5 But this nerd-vanna isn’t Battlestar Gallactica and … I digress. For one glorious day, Glee is taking over Proud FM and why shouldn’t they? What better place for a show about outcasts and social pariahs to promote themselves than on a radio station that caters to a community of those very outcast? I’m talking homos people! I’m also talking Gimps, Foreigners, Fatties and Whores. But homos have it worse! Let me paint a picture for you: My public school had a bunch of deaf students, some with one hearing aide, some with two, they were all in one class no matter what age they were despite the fact that they were there in the first place to integrate them into the public school system. Well these poor deaf bitches didn’t stand a chance! They were tortured daily during recess! It was relentless…that was until Fat Fatty Fag Fat showed up. Yep, I was a two fer: fat AND gay! It was like Bulley Heaven on Earth. Even the gimpy deaf kids picked on me. Sometimes I feel it’s our planet’s hate of gays that truly holds us together. Which is why I love Glee and am happy to let them take over my gay radio station! That show reminds us that we’re not alone and that no matter how many “slushy facials” we got or how many times we were thrown in a dumpster (they had the football team throw me … seriously, I was one huge fat fatty fag fat!) we can still pull ourselves out of the garbage, wipe ourselves off and throw down a fabulous musical number including backup dancers! As Christina Aguilera once sang: Thanks for making me stronger! Now bring on Glee FM! Okay, she didn’t actually say the last part but if we were friends, like we are in the theatre of my mind, she fucking would have!