Dear Mr Meth addict:

Yesterday I kindly took the time to head into the village to meet you, to support you through the trials that you, not me are going through. I accepted this even though I have not heard from you for a month and a half after receiving a message saying: “I was thinking about you today. Things are okay. Rough times lately. But I think I see some light at the end.” Which caused me to worry.

I am sorry that you chose to call me at 8:45 in the evening last night to tell me that you had your ex arrested for beating you again and that he would be out of jail today and that you wanted me to to help you move on the spot. I had a house full of guests. I would have loved to help you but I just don’t want to help you when things are bad. It’s easier to help you when things are going well. I guess by not meeting me today it’s becoming obvious that your things are more important than your friends and family

Speaking of court, how was court? I mean, do you remember this all started when you got caught dealing crystal? Continuing to do the same old things continues to give you the same old results. What will you change? Tired of beating your head against the same old wall?

Your Mom and your friends are worried sick about you. They want to help but they will not give you money because they fear that you will use it for more drugs. That’s why they would be willing to help but with conditions. Non refundable food vouchers or having me take you to buy groceries you know things that are meant to keep you alive but not contribute to your addiction and your power that you’re holding over them. This does not mean that they do not love you it means they will not participate in destroying you.

I am not anti-drug but I am anti-harm and you are harming more people than you can begin to realize. Let’s start with you, your health, your HIV and let’s talk about the fact that you just recovered from a round of Cancer. A year ago you were at the top of your game.

You have had plenty of opportunity to turn this around. Every time you go to court you could have negotiated. Every time you talk to your family or even me, you could have reached out and said enough! I’m beginning to think you’re not capable of real meaningful change.

I had no idea that I have 6 phone numbers for you most of which do not work or are not able to receive telephone calls. Your family is in constant contact with me and I am never sure what to say other than be patient. Or nothing will change until after Pride now!

Oh and Happy Pride!

Once a month the Toronto Coaches from the International Coach Academy a school that I attend, try to get together. Two weeks ago we all met at the Distillery District a great place for us all to meet about 20 of us in total.

This visit was a little different, our school is virtual and although we speak to our instructors everyday we never actually get to meet them. Merci who is a fabulous Coach from New York City was in for a speak and she and her husband met up with us. In a brief conversation in response to her asking “what I do?” (in our world we’re asking what’s our niche?) We had a little bit of a conversation, when out of the blue she turned around to me and said :”you should get into Meth Coaching.” For me it was like the hand of God reaching down and turning on the light switch.

It’s not every day that a Straight Jewish Woman (A Master Coach) would just out of the blue suggest something like that and in accordance to  the International Coach Federations Core Competencies people who are addicts are considered uncoachable. I am proof that this is simply not true. What touched me about this statement is that I have 7 years clean from the drug. I used coaching  to help get me off.  I will speak about this process at a later date.

At the very beginning of me starting to write for Gayguidetoronto.com I approached Shaun Proulx about writing an article about the relationship between meth and purpose. Ok so I know that your wondering, “what does Meth and Purpose in life have to do with one another?”

I have had many non judgmental exploratory conversations with my many friends  and acquaintances about their or a close friend’s addiction to Crystal Meth. I have frequently run up against the comment “I have no purpose to quit”. This raises a red flag for me that our community seems to often ignore.  Purpose in life. Often these stories are surrounded in much sucess $100 000 / year jobs. Expensive cars and the whole party thing. That always ends in tragedy, despair and further loss of meaning in life.

OK, Ok, so it all comes down to the old chicken or egg puzzle which came first? Addiction or lack of meaning in life? For me addiction was a step in the process of finding meaning. It was a way to fill the void I felt. The existential vacuum that Crystal magically managed to temporarily wipe clean. The long term problem was the the Crystal Meth it’s self destroyed my ability to actually feel any sense of natural joy. I was physically incapable of producing the endorphins that would motivate me to search for my purpose in life.

The struggle of Meth and it’s addiction is not an easy one. Lack of purpose in life is a common problem and in combination they can be devastating. It’s not a problem that one person or organization can correct but rather it’s our whole community that will have to come together.

Are you living your purpose or floating around in an existential vacuum?