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Tag Archive | "comedy"

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GOOD VIBRATIONS


You know I used to find it ridiculous when vibrators were called “personal massagers”. Who were they kidding? We know why they’re “personal”, you stick ‘em in! It doesn’t get more personal than that. Fast forward to me with a pinched nerve in my neck. As is the way with such things, my masseuse was out of town and my pharmacist wouldn’t let me run a tab. The pain was too much. I was in hell! I had to do something so I grabbed my thumper (shut your face). It’s this great big vibrator I have (shut it) that’s great for your lower back (shut it now). But it was too much for me. I mean my neck, probably because it’s so close to my head. In fact the thumper only made it worse. Now I had a sore neck AND a headache. I was desperate! Throwing shame to the wind, I went for my nightstand. I have this toy, like most of us do, don’t judge me (sometimes the nights are long). So I fired that bad boy up. For those of you who’ve only ever used a vibrator on your swimsuit area, let me invite you to take one now, firmly, in your hand and slowly run it up your neck behind your ear. Make sure you’re seated before you do this, though. You don’t want to go weak in the knees and hit your head on the side of the tub on your way down (again with the judging). Fast forward to me without neck or head pain. I’ve never been more relaxed. You shut it.

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I’M JUST SAYING…


Well I’ve gone and done it. I’ve animated myself which, ironically, is what my trainer’s been trying to do with me since April! LOL. But seriously, I’ve got a brand new “animated comic strip” called Just Sayin’ with Richard Ryder:

I’ve got more coming up in the new year so let me know what you think!

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A night of Inappropriate Humour


Last Thursday a friend had invited me along to see Joan Rivers at Centre for the Living Arts.

This was the first time I had seen her live. To be expected were the numerous of blue-hair rinses with expectations they were coming to an evening of “coffee chat” with Joan Rivers, and we were out in Mississauga.

Instead, I’d venture to say they probably never have heard references to female anatomy in all its forms in their entire lives than they did that evening.

Having never seen Joan River’s live, I’ve heard that she puts it all out there and crosses every line there is to be crossed.  What I discovered was a very funny 76-year-old woman who could care less about what you thought.

One of the reasons I think she can get away with it is that she has a history of community involvement, and raising a lot of money for charities.

For example, was she got on to the subject of AIDS, I laughed quite a bit, mostly because she dared go there and pulled it off.

“There was a time when AIDS was killing everyone, now it’s a long-term chronic illness. I don’t want to be delivering meals to the same guy three Thanksgivings in a row, and then watch him go off to the gym. Either AIDS is going to kill you, or I am!” she says motioning as if she holding a knife up.

At Spirits for their weekly Open Mic night, a friend and I had a recent conversation about how you don’t come to comedy and then complain about being offended. “Comedy is how we work all this shit out in our lives.” says my friend, a comic herself.

Having said that, one guy that night told a joke about rather than go to Canada’s Wonderland to wait in long line ups, and pay 60 dollars to feel like you were going to die for five minutes, why not just go get an HIV test done.

He lost the audience on that one, and had to work to get us back.  But that’s comedy, people take a lot of risk: Sometimes it works, sometimes doesn’t.  I wasn’t offended, but slightly uncomfortable for a second. The rest of his set was quite funny and he did win us back.

Joan continued on with her brand of inappropriate humour.

On Jennifer Aniston:

“She’s so needy that a rapist wouldn’t even go near her” Pretending to be Jennifer Aniston talking to the rapist, “Will I see you again?”

On getting older:

“Nobody told me when I was going to get old my vagina was going to drop. One day I looked down and I was wearing bunny slippers. Now I can have sex in one room, and watch TV in the other.”

On 9/11:

“Did you know that the families of people who died in 9/11 all got five million dollars, five million dollars. Really I can think of a few relatives that should have been there. Oh grow up! Just wait until Thanksgiving and look around the table.

It was a great night out, and I hadn’t laughed that hard since I’d seen Kathy Griffin.

I now know the litmus test of a good comedy night is when people walk out,  something both Joan and Kathy can easily make people do.

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