The great hunt, and non-dates continue despite my recent canine ennui.

The truth is: I can count on one finger how many times I’ve been laid since I don’t know when, probably more than six months. That was until last week. Read the full story

I managed to meet one guy and hit it off for a two-condom, and hour rendez-vous. It’s been so long that all I kept thinking was, “It’s about time. Why did I wait so long?”

To the fellows surprise, and happiness, he got about six months of frustration taken out on him.

It’s taken a lot of work from the old days, when I sex was a service I sold. I had always equated it to that of hosting a party. You do have fun, but you can never relax and just enjoy it as you are taking care
of everyone else making sure that they had a good time.

For me, this was an intimate party for two, and I was the host.

Reclaiming sex for myself, and not something was supposed to “do” to someone, and at that well-done, has been a long haul.

My drug counsellor way back when said that I oppressed myself. It’s like if I just restrict everything in my life, somehow I’ll be able to avoid the craziness, hurt and pain that has happenend in the past. Or,
that I’m not deserving of life’s pleasures, and certainly not of one where love was involved.

But, damn, that two hours at least was fun, hot, and very sweaty, 120 mins of oppression-free getting off.

Now if I could just find someone who didn’t have to run out the door because the parking meter is about to expire.

Since I’ve embarked on my healthy living experiment, I’ve had many great side effects from it.

I have more energy. I’m getting up at 7 am without an alarm clock. I get through the day with steady blood sugar levels reducing the afternoon crashes, and with the AndroGel, the testosterone gel (it’s alcohol based and you rub it on your skin – and I have no idea why people always ask me if I put it on my dick?) I’ve found and sudden and increased interest in the male form.

Prior to that I’d say, “The most work I want to put into getting laid is taking a Viagra, pulling out a couple hundred dollar bills from the bank machine, and acquiring a copy of the Xtra classifieds and order in.”

Nonetheless, the sudden and intense need for cock was becoming greater and greater. I wandered back on a naked men cruising site that I’d been on since – oh god – 2001.

Back then, nobody was on from Toronto; logging on meant chatting with friends I made while traveling, or making new ones for new ports of call. It was never for hooking up with someone in Toronto the moment they sent me a message.

Getting back on the site, I found myself behaving as if I was on mini crystal meth binge. All this exercise, good food, and testosterone made me feel like if I didn’t get any cock soon I was going to explode.

You’d think after all these years; I’d be good at this internet cruising. Truth is, I really suck at it.

What do you do when you’re almost firming up the deed, but it’s not a done deal, and another guy messages you that’s hot as well. In the end the original suddenly stops writing back for three hours, and I’ve lost the other one.

Or, a nice compliment, that I get quite a few messages. I just want to get laid, not turn into a weekend long sex-addict going from one to another to another.

With the exception of a few, the idea of not hooking up not now, or in a couple hours, or worse, not that day even, is incomprehensible.

What if I just was to jack off to all the hot amateur videos these guys send in and be done with this urge to “Fuck a door if it were open” and get on with my day?

Some get really made and pull a lot of attitude. “Well I much prefer to do it for real.” said one guy.

Ya, me too, but I’ve only got 30 mins until I have to head out the door and get on with my day.

What I’d like is get a new small group of three or so guys who I could get together with a regular basis, as I hate doing this online cruising. It’s so much better when a rapport has been developed and a quasi-sexual friendship develops.

Picking up the phone and arranging a visit or house call is right to the point, you know what you are getting, and it can get pretty hot, as the comfort level is more relaxed.

Meanwhile, I just want to suck some cock. It’s my thing. Anyone who offers theirs up is really contributing to the universes random acts of benevolent kindness.

Is that too much to ask?