This ShambledRambler is a Cancer, was born in Niagra and curses like a sailor. Kristen Goetz is our Woman of the Hour!

JUST THE FACTS

I’m a Cancer. Moody, stubborn, and infinitely awesome.

I’m 27.

I was born: In a distant galaxy. It’s called Niagara.

I write, create, and curse like a sailor.

My fave colour: Red.

Passion: I have a passion for passion itself. And Big Macs.

Fantasy entourage: Archie, Jughead, Betty, Veronica… yeah, I should’ve been born in Riverdale.

Turn-ons: Honesty, confidence, and someone that just friggin’ “gets it”.

Irresistible in a mate: A heartbeat. I find it very important.

Phrase I most overuse: “Ah, f$&@k”

Most people would be surprised to know I: am terrified of scary movies. I’m the biggest chickenshit. But I’ll still beat you up! Grr.

Fictional best friend: You. All of you.

Talent I wish I had: Either to be able to draw (I even suck at stick figures. Sticks are complicated.), or the ability to play any intstrument that I pick up. I’d be a one-chick band.

When I order a cocktail I ask for: Beer. Which is not a cocktail. But we can pretend, can’t we?

GUILTY PLEASURES

TV: Kardashians. Whichever ones. They make me feel better about being poor and smart.

Song: “I Whip My Hair Back & Forth”. Catchy summabitch it is.

Greatest extravagance: That hooker in Vegas. Um.. I mean… my TV?

WEAR APPARENT

Jeans: Old and ripped.

Footwear: Boot-tastic or dog-walk friendly.

Watch: Broken.

Eyewear: Does mascara count?

Casual: Nah, I like to be monogamous…

Formal: Prom dress. Still fits.

Perfume / Cologne: A discontinued vanilla that I’ve been hoarding over the years.

BEAUTY DUTY

Shampoo: Dove for colour-treated hair.

Face wash: Aveeno

Moisturizer: Dove or Neutrogena

Body Lotion: Ah, hell… I have a dept store worth. All kinds.

Indulgence: Conditioners. I collect ‘em like stamps. Or men.

GOTTA GETTA GADGET

Gadgets: I know most disagree, but I do like my BlackBerry. I just can’t type on those damn iPhones.

On my music player now: Radiohead and Faith No More.

I always PVR: Nothing. I don’t have one. Does downloading count?

CULTURE VULTURE

Last book read: re-read Chuck Klosterman IV.

Last movie seen: Clueless was on TV the other day. Oh, Cher.

Last concert: The Pack AD, but that was more of a “show”. Last concert? I couldn’t tell you the names of the bands.

Last play: I sadly can’t remember.

OBSESSIONS

Current obsession: Food! Beer!

Past obsession: Food! Beer!

Future obsession: Food! Beer! And maybe a dude.

CRYSTAL BALL

The next big thing will be: Me, baby.

AND FINALLY …

Words of wisdom: “Don’t make someone a priority if they only make you an option. They do this because they suck. And sucky people suck.”

You can find further nonsensical bullcrap over at my blog Shambled Ramblings. But only if ya wanna.

The Summer Solstice has approached. The days are getting longer and hotter. Are you starting to feel the heat? Maybe after a long week at the office you can’t wait to unwind at home and engage in some of your favourite summer activities. Or perhaps after a day at the beach you are craving your favourite spot on the couch with your remote control or favourite book. Whatever the case may be, Cancer has entered the scene (June 21 – July 22) and the crab rules the Fouth House of the Zodiac, also known as the ‘House of Family and Home’. This house represents the effects of our earliest experiences and of the nurturing that we receive as children, in addition to the way that this anchors and guides the rest of our lives.

Cancerians harbor a strong sense of family and longing for community: you empathize, you offer understanding. As fiercely protective individuals, anyone lucky enough to be within a Cancerian’s inner circle enjoys a secure sense of comfort and belonging. Cancer’s stereotype is that they are often moody. Perhaps this is because they are a water sign associated with the moon, a combination that leads to shifting moods and deeply felt emotions. I read a quote Cancer which made me laugh, “Crabby? You? Only in the morning. Before lunch. All day Tuesday and most of Sunday. Leap years. At high altitudes and low barometric pressures.” And just like their symbol of the Crab, although they may sometimes appear like they have a shell on the outside, inside they are really loving and kind. But aren’t Crabs the least bit fabulous?  Of course… think of Princess Diana. Or consider Julius Caesar – this Cancer emperor married Calpurnia, romanced Cleopatra – and kept boys on the side!

Cancers in love, well let’s just say they can be cute. They love with all of their hearts, and can be sentimentalists who still write love letters (…see what I mean by cute?) However, as much as Cancerians want companionship – it can also often times freak them out. I heard some good advice for Cancers on the topic of dating, “Not all frogs turn into princes on the first kiss. Try sticking it out a little longer. Keep kissing.” The strong and silent type is what will catch a Cancer’s eye. He or she provides a Cancer a cozy harbour from disappointment or emotional uncertainty – and maybe a little pampering won’t hurt, either.

Happy Birthday, Cancer! You’re not so crabby after all

Cancer by Josephine Wall (Please note that the image used for the Gemini posting, below, is also by Josephine Wall)

When I saw Precious and that last scene with Monique, I said: “Bitch just won an Oscar!”. I said it with love. I love Mo’Nique and I loved to hate her in Precious. But Mo’Nique didn’t look so sure. Did you see her on Barbara Walter’s last ever Oscar Special? Did you see her on the Red Carpet? She’s had an intensity in her eyes. Like she’s been holding her breath too long and “thinking positively” far too hard. Hell, she probably has Ekhart Tolle’s New Earth on tape in the car AND on her iPhone. But there’s no guarantee. There’s no secret formula for winning an Oscar. Remember Oprah and Whoopie AND The Color Purple? Thank God Whoopie won for Ghost is all I’m saying. But I digress.
It’s the Gay-D-D.
Back to Mo’Nique. Did you see her before they called her name? She looked worried. She looked like if they didn’t call her name she was going to have to cut a bitch. All the other nominees were whiter and thinner and Mo’Nique wasn’t gonna play dat! When they did say her name did you see her reaction? She let out that deep breath and closed her eyes as if to say “You just saved a white bitch’s life tonight.”. See? The Oscars does save lives. Take that Cancer research!

I just received news that a friend and former work colleague from a couple of years ago has been diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer. Her name is Denise Holtby and I give you this information because as she begins her journey through cancer, the surgery, treatments, chemotherapy and everything else that goes along with having a catastrophic illness, she has decided to blog about it.

The news about Denise’s health crisis got me thinking about the fragility and randomness of life. I’ve known several people under the age of 50 who have been waylaid by cancer. One moment they are going about their young lives concentrating on career, relationships and minutia that is everyday life when they get “the news”.

As a gay man in his mid-40s, I’ve known more people who have been afflicted with cancer than AIDS. Read the full story