I have really been pushing my work a lot lately with little response and with a client graduating that, has excelled beyond my expectations. And having reignited my passion for Coaching. I found myself questioning what I really want. I admit it. I wanted to quit!

I was challenged by my GayGuideToronto.com publisher to coach myself by asking what would CoachBe say?

He would say what’s worked in the past?
B: Hair has worked in the past.
Cb: Is that what you want?
B: No but I need to make money. What I am doing right now is not making money at all. I am having a hard time even giving it away. I get results from those who do not pay and no results from those who do.
Cb: So when you give it away it works.
B: Yes.
Cb: What do you value?
B: My values are love, choice, faith, belonging.
Cb: I didn’t hear money. Which of the two options gives you the most of your values?
B: Coaching.
Cb: What does that mean?
B: It means that I love coaching and what I really want is just to coach. I do not subscribe to societies value of money. However, money does act as a leverage to keep my clients accountable. We also need money to function. However I am not bankrupt.
Cb: What I hear is that what you want is value.
B: Yes.
Cb: So what if you just filled your practice?
B: I have tried to give a half hour away on GGT but was met with resistance.
Cb: What kind of resistance?
B: Well, the fear of “opening up a can of worms”.
Cb: How are you taking that because, I sense your disappointment. Also, I still don’t quite see how giving a half an hour away is filling your practice.
B: Yes I am disappointed, err.. I hadn’t see it that way before.
Cb: What specifically are you seeing now?
B: Well, if the client was afraid that the can of worms would be opened and I don’t have a full practice. So then, I could offer the client 12 sessions after. For that matter I could just give my time away and do it until my practice is full.
Cb: What would that do?
B: It would provide me with all of my values which is all I ever want for my clients.
Cb: And…
B: It would provide me with word of mouth advertising because I know what coaching can do for myself and for others my clients tell me all the time.
Cb: So what does it take to fill your practice?
B: I could just do it because I love it and I believe in it! I could give it away.
Cb: What would that look like?
B: I don’t know.
Cb: Well I know that means you need time to think so let’s leave it there. Your homework is to think about how you can give it all away.

I’m always open to suggestions.
Stay tuned!

I received this question on my recent 3 way jealousy post:

I actually really love my own partner sooo much and he is indeed , amazing for me.   I simply adore every little thing close to him.  The only problem though, is he is friends with far too many females and I hate realizing that he could be speaking with numerous ladies as an alternative for me.   I hate being jealous. I’m trying to just ignore the jealousy but I can’t. Please help me out.

Jealousy for me is a strong desire to be something within the situation other than yourself. Jealousies purpose is to keep you safe but on the other hand it can hold you prisoner.

I love Don Miguel Ruiz. In his book The Four Agreements, one of the agreements he suggests making with yourself is to be impeccable with your word, which is wonderful advise so let’s start there. Don’t just say things, say specifically what you feel, mean, intend.

I believe that people express what they believe about any situation within the first few statements. Let’s take a look at what you said and I’ll offer some ideas to challenge you.  Contemplating the questions I ask you back will help you think about your ‘word’ and it’s impeccability:

I love my own partner sooo much and he is indeed , amazing for me.

To what degree do you love him? Is it the friendship kind of love or the unconditional love that one has for a life partner?  What does it mean to love unconditionally? How do you define amazing?

I simply adore every little thing close to him.

I love this belief and would hold on to it as long as is it true. (Borrowing from Byron Katie:) Can you truly know that ‘you adore every little thing close to him’ is 100% true? If it is not 100% true what is the opposite of I adore every little thing close to him? Can you find proof of how that is true in your life?

The only problem though, is he is friends with far too many females

Too many females? It’s ok to have too many male friends? What does gender have to do with this situation?

I hate realizing that he could be speaking with numerous ladies as an alternative for me.

You say you’re “realizing” so it’s safe to assume that at one point you did not know or have this awareness. What is more true: you realized it or you assume it? What bothers you when he is speaking with other ladies? Do you want to be those other ladies that he’s talking too?  Perhaps you want to be him talking to those ladies?  Is it true that he is speaking with those ladies as an alternative to you? Again would you rather he be talking to you?   If you hate realizing / assuming that he could be talking to these ladies as an alternative to you, why do you continue do it? How does it make you feel when you believe these thoughts? How would it make you feel if you chose never to think these thoughts again?

I hate being jealous.

If you hate being jealous why would you continue to hate? I thought you said you adored every little thing close to him – doesn’t that include these ladies? Are these ladies close to him?  Being jealous so often must serve you, either negatively or positively,  in what ways is this jealousy serving you?

I’m trying to just ignore the jealousy.

How is ignoring jealousy getting the problem solved? Are you at peace and in LOVE with your partner? Do you love him unconditionally? What are the conditions to your love? I believe that a partner serves to help one another discover who we are. When a partner does things that bother you, it is to serve you to help you see who you are.  What is your partner trying to teach you in this moment? You say you’re ignoring the jealousy, in what ways may you be ignoring the life lesson your partner is trying to offer you? In what ways could he support you better in the learning of this lesson? In what ways are you holding yourself prisoner?

… but I can’t.

Can’t for me, means either I won’t or I don’t know how, which is it? If you won’t, I accept your limitations, but question if you’re able to grow with the relating part of your relationship? After all a relationship is about relating to another human beings on a higher level than any one else. Are you able to relate to your partner? Relating is the art of understanding someone else, to understand you have to ask questions and most of all listen are you doing this enough? Earlier you mentioned that you were ignoring your feeling of jealousy, in what ways is this not listening to yourself? Do you have enough of your own relationships outside of the partnership? Do you have an intimate relationship with yourself? Are you relating this to your partner? If can’t means, you don’t know how are you willing to learn?

Please help me out. Thanks

You don’t sound helpless, Are you helpless? You have a great resource in your partner. It’s your life, you are 100% responsible for it, knowing all of this what will be the first thing you do?

Contemplating these questions will bring you a degree of clarity you didn’t have before. I bet if you wrote in again after spending time pondering what you feel, you would write your original note to me quite differently. I offer a great service that responds the wholeness of your life and being. It’s a wonderful way to accelerate over the obstacles we place in our path. Perhaps you would consider my services to support you. Visit coachbe.me

Considering personal coaching? For the months of February and March I am offering, Pay-What-You-Can coaching. Participants must be willing to commit through contract to 12 sessions, come with an open mind and offer an per session payment. Yes you must pay something but it’s worth it. Sign up before March 31st!

I have never been one to have a huge problem with the loss of other people. I completely understand it’s natural to not accept that someone will be in our lives forever. People come with messages and give them to you and when you receive it they walk off the stage of life. At least it’s always been that way for me. Sometimes people come back only because I have needed a refresher on those lessons or I had an all together different lesson to learn from the same teacher.

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As promised in his campaign, Mayor Rob Ford said he would save me money! I have to share how he’s done this already. Thanks to his Honours special guest, that had the lovely privilege of placing the “Chain of Command” around his Honours neck. Don Cherry, addressed chambers with a good hearty dose of verbal diarrhea. Spewing forth such siloing statements such as: “I wore (Pepto-Bismol) pink to honour all those bike left wing pinkos”. I love Don Cherry because I think he represents the Right very well. Unfortunately that day, he should have drank the the pink instead of spewing. I do believe Pepto comes in Mr. Cherry flavour!

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Last week or so, I posted one of my posts and Partick Marano (Eddie Stone) posted it on Facebook asking the question: “Could you handle a poly-amorous relationship?” One of his friends replied that he could not as he would be jealous. I happened upon it and thought to myself Huh? I guess I need to address this and I did with the response “I thought we had a choice to act on our feelings or not.”

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ONE GREAT THING – A GayGuideGiftGuide:

Dear Santa(s),

All I want for Christmas is an 

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One of the huge downers of being in a triad is the assumption that all people and organizations make about what my relationship should look like. Let me explain. The other day Drasko was ever so lovingly given a set of tickets to Nina Arsenault’s The Silicone Diaries. He addressed this gift to John and myself by Facebooking the question: “I have been given two tickets to go to Nina’s opening night. Who wants to go?” It all got worked out as John said he did not want to go. See you on Thursday Nina! But what if John did want to go?

But this is not the only circumstance of assumptions about the kind of relationship that I will have. For instance we decided that we would check out the new strip club Flash (I’ll maybe give you my review of that another time). I can at times have my moments where I would consider myself a pig. Okay just a little pig. When going to the bathroom at Flash we were presented with a little gift from our local AIDS Service organization that was entitled “Pig pack, two condoms two lube” My question remains, why two? Any pig I know would need at least 3 condoms.

In our community of diversity, how is it always assumed that we need things in pairs?

Ah yes, those questions that you have about my relationship. We have been making reference to Sister Wives over the past few weeks and this immediately brings me to the number one thing that it takes to be in a 3 way relationship. “Allowing” is something I have been working on over the past year or so. Allowing rather than resisting, for me has provided freedom to my life and most of all movement forward.  My friend Staci refers to this as Grace, I never fully understood this word until now. Living without resisting what’s going on, is living in grace.

So yes, we all do sleep in the same bed although Drasko does have his own place which he tends to visit for days on end. He has a bit of the artistic hermit in him which I completely understand. The rest of the time it’s the three of us. I sleep in the middle and if anyone who happens to be reading this has a solution for the middle guy being trapped under the blankets and over heating please let me know what’s working for you.  The rule here is generally if you’re not sleeping well, you move to the couch.

Okay so maybe I won’t get to all of your questions but please feel free to ask below.

I have been dating my partner John for about 6 years now. I will admit that this has been the best relationship of my life.

When I first started dating John we discussed the boundaries of what the relationship would look like. We explored whether it would be open or closed. Would we play together or assimilate the ever pervasive, “don’t ask, don’t tell policy”.

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Message from Ellen

Belgrade

Anderson Cooper

It gets better (for a little humor)