Is 1 really the loneliest number? Andrew Vail explores the question in his blog post below and in a Skpe convo with GGT Publisher Shaun Proulx:

There is nothing more tragic than being alone. The single gal is an object more to be pitied than scorned—unless of course she’s hanging around your man too much, then the gloves come off. Surely, there is no greater cross to bear than being a one in a sea of twos, threes, fours and mores.

But wait! What’s that I hear off in the distance? Why, it’s the sound of hundreds, even thousands of single people…laughing! How can this be? How can these poor, sad, lonely souls ring out with peels of laughter when they should be home alone with their tearful faces buried in their pillows? Turns out, we’re starting to take the ‘sin’ out of being single and discovering a life lived alone does not necessarily lead to loneliness.

We’re starting to
take the ‘sin’ out of being single

I’ll admit I spent a good deal of my life pining for the right man to come along and rescue me from the spectre of spinsterhood. I’d play sad songs devoted to the lonesome and lovelorn and wander the barren streets in all my singleness waiting for that longing glance from across the room as my dream man and I locked eyes. We’d know this was it. We’d know we’d be together until the twelfth of never…and that’s a long, long, time.

Sappy love songs aside, I did find love. All over the place: in bars, in clubs, at work, online. And for all the love I found, I’m alone again, naturally. It turns out love wasn’t the answer to my unrequited dreams. It turns out love wasn’t the cure for my loneliness. It turns out the panacea for my aching heart was—GASP—me!

It’s a solo revolution,
a singular societal sensation

I have been having heart-to-heart talks with friends and other interested parties about the notion of being alone, and whether being alone makes us destined to be lonely. To my great surprise and delight, we singles are not the sad sacks we’re made out to be by the coupled (or otherwise conjoined), pop songs, pop psychologists, the media, RomComs and so on. There seems to be a new power to being a person who lives a life unfettered. It’s a solo revolution, a singular societal sensation.

Now, this isn’t to decry those who have found their mate and those who are still searching in earnest—heart, soul and loins ablaze for that special connection. This isn’t a bash against same-sex marriage. Everyone should have the right to create the relationship they desire. This is a stake in the ground for those of us destined to spend more time on our own than with a partner, without shame, without guilt and without feeling like the ugly duckling at the school dance.

More and more people I talk to about this all agree: better to be alone than to be with someone and be lonely. How can you possibly feel lonely when you are partnered? Trust me, it’s easier than you think. When things aren’t working out, when you aren’t communicating, when you realize your values are not converging and you are heading in separate directions (usually toward separation), it’s very easy to feel like you’re standing on an ice flow in the middle of the North Sea with no land in site. That’s lonely.

Being in an unhealthy relationship with someone is bad for your emotional, physical and spiritual health. It drags you down into depression and anxiety. Trying to navigate a bad relationship can put you in a situation where you begin to compromise your ethical core. Suddenly, you aren’t you anymore. You turn into do-or-die relationship survivalist who will do anything to save what is likely doomed to die. Better the entity dies than you. There’s no point in going down with the ship when there are lifeboats surrounding you.

Fill yourself with the excitement
and ebullience that once fueled you

Cling to your friends. Cry your eyes out. Write bad poetry and get it out of your system. Then, begin to embrace the solace, power and freedom of being a person unencumbered. Look at your world through clear eyes. Live your life according to your rules. Chase your aspirations and re-engage with your dreams. Fill yourself with the excitement and ebullience that once fueled you and set forth into the world with renewed energy and purpose.

You are you: Singular. Solo. Sensational. Pilot your ship. Set your course. Create your own destiny. If you happen to meet someone special along your journey and want to bring them with you…great! However, if you find yourself a lone ship on a vast ocean, fill your lungs with the fresh air, drink in the views and know that wherever you land, you’ll be just fine.

Aghhhh! I have a huge weight on my shoulders and I’m not really sure who I should tell in order to get it off. You see about 8 weeks ago I received some rather shocking photos of my partners mother who has been an alcoholic for over 20 years. These photos were not very flattering. Err too bloody for such a sensitive viewership. Fact is she fell down the stairs 3 times breaking every bone you can imagine. She does not remember much of that event.

A few days later we received a telephone call stating that my partners Mother has admitted herself into detox. Knowing the full extent of what has been happening over the past 5 years and not being a stranger to addiction, I offered to have her in our home to aid her in her recovery 3 days in, she was at my door.

When my Mother-in-law arrived she could not walk, smoke a cigarette, take a bath, or feed herself. She had been drinking a 26 oz bottle of Vodka per day not to mention the 6 – 10 Lorazipam, the 4 Diazapam, 2 Oxazipam, the Tylonol 3′s, the 10 Gravols that were “helping” her with stomach pains. (Gravol around the 10 pill mark per day will cause hallucinations) and all of her other symptomatic solutions that came in the form of bottles from the pharmacy, some of them legitimate some of them not so legitimate. Needless to say she does not recall the first 3 weeks of her stay.

All I can say is that I am so proud of how far she has come, everything is gone but 2 lorazipams spaced through the day and 2 oxzaipams to help her sleep. Next week we change the sleeping meds to something to still help her sleep but not be addictive. Only one more month and she’ll be off the ‘pams all togeather. She has taken the initiative to admit herself into a program and she is driving the whole process. I am simply helping /coaching her to become aware of the harm that she is doing to herself.

You may be asking, why am I telling you all of this? Well, I have not attended pride for many, many years. For me it it a symbol of everything I gave up the moment I stopped doing crystal. It’s the Christmas day of the gay community and every present is wrapped in drugs, alcohol and sex. I fondly remember wanting to go to every single event because I did not want to miss a moment. I fondly remember eagerly going to pickup my pass that would serve as my passport to the party.

I love writing for Gayguidetoronto.com Shaun Proulx, has been more than generous to me since I started writing. But never did I expect that I would receive the privilege of having access to all events at pride as media, for this generosity I am grateful. I accepted the gift with the thought that I would cover sober pride. It seems appropriate considering that I do speak about the subject often and that subject would limit me from having to attending the more hard core events.

Over the past few days my mother in law has been doing extremely well, well enough to go home for a few days and it has provided me much needed space to get back into my life. Which means that I got to be back on Facebook. When I first logged in, I was met with all this Pride Toronto stuff and the hard decision they have had to make. it bummed me out. I am not here to pass judgment on either side how ever I will say one thing this whole dilemma has made me question how much I really want to go to pride?

I am all about free speech and I am all about helping the underdog. Sorry I think it’s hard wired. The thought that any group within our community, weather I agree with their perspective or not to be asked not to attend just amazes me. I feel un-invited and I feel that any personal pride I did have, has been ripped out of me. We as a community did not start pride because we were told “we could” by our community or our government.

So in all of this I have a huge project, one that I am getting many wins and I have much pride! I am grateful for the opportunity however, strangely now going to pride seems like I’m only contributing to my clients addictions. After all, with all the fighting within the community what can I be proud of? We all seem so segmented to the point of no longer being unified.

So I have this pass. I have this great thing that’s happening in my family. I don’t feel very proud, I don’t party, and now I’m asking my community and you, why should I go?