Feb
13
My friend Staci was engaging in conversation on Facebook about Love. Being that it’s Valentines day and all. She has posted her inspiring posts on her thoughts on love and has set the tone for the conversation very nicely. Staci always wants our perspective and she asked us to fill in the blank.
Love is______?
What is love? Many of us are now probably listing a myriad of things that love is. Love is unconditional. Live is blind. But is love really any of those things? Can love be anything?
I remember my friend asking me why I love my partner. My reply was quick I said “I have no reason why I love my partner” He was puzzled by this response and inquired, “what do you mean?” I replied, “If I had a reason to love my partner would I not be in love with those reasons and not my partner. I love my partner for who he is not for this reason or that reason. But for the whole package including all the things the rub me the wrong way.”
Love Just is, It can not be defined or conditioned.
Feb
08
The past few weeks I have been in a little bit of limbo. Making some decisions on the direction that I wist to take moving forward. Life can be like that and having a good group of coaches as friends always helps pull one out of the pit. On Friday while I was in the thick of the pit that was my life, Shaun Proulx posted his usual Friday question on his radio show and on Facebook:
What are you appreciating on this Friday afternoon?
and over on his blog, HIMBO! Shaun also does his weekly Feel good Friday’s
My response on Shaun’s wall was what I thought was a simple reply:
This hit me like a tone of bricks.
I am not appreciating all the little things in my life. Especially not the tiny things.
For it is the sum of all the good little things that totally out weigh the few grand experiences. In my coaching I often have to stop and remind my clients of exactly what they have accomplished over the course of our sessions. I detail every success and movement forward.
Thinking this through helped me see that I have not been telling myself all the good that had taken place in my life, all the things I come across in my daily life that just bring a simple smile to my face.
I needed this reminder. I took focusing on the small things in my life on as a challenge and started a new blog called thetinythings.com where I capture in realtime all the tiny things that make me smile.
I hope you enjoy. I hope you take the time to recount the great things that happen to you over the course of this week, and if you find yourself feeling a little down and out with the winter blues, take a piece of paper and start writing down all the things that make you feel good, bring a smile to your face or are just plain worth remembering.
Jan
25
Many of us reflect on the old metaphor of, “is the glass half empty or is the glass half full?” when thing go wrong or not as planned. This is an exercise in attitude and perspective.
The question really is: Do you see things as optimistic as in “at least I have half of what I want” and “I do still have a glass”, or pessimistic as in: “I only have half of what I want.”
Have we actually stopped to think that the glass is actually not empty at all? That we actually are, even if we see the glass as half full, missing the reality of the situation and never actually see reality for what it is. After all the question is:
“Is the glass half empty or half full?”
You see what your looking for. Most of us pay attention to the liquid in the glass as we see this as the substance that we need from it. Far too often we are quick to discount the air and light that fill the glass, even when it’s totally empty. In this case the glass is never empty but rather it was a choice for you to see it that way.
Jan
20
I had a conversation with an Executive director of an AIDS Service Organization about the capacity of People living with HIV / AIDS. In this conversation, this particular Executive Director believed that most of his clients do not have the capacity to contribute to the HIV Movement.
My position was and still is that every Person living with HIV/ AIDS has the capacity if they have the desire, to contribute to the movement. That it is our responsibility to unveil that potential and nurture it. For I feel that in the nurturing of ones inner capacity is where true positive prevention lies. If I love myself and my physical life I will respect myself others more. I often refer to it as the healing of our physical lives.
Healing ones physical life is not easy and often it requires lessons that involve much more than setting goals. On many levels it is about awaking to the truth. Many times that truth begins with what you believe about yourself.
As a person living with HIV I can understand the trap that our community has created after all it really takes nothing but a diagnosis of being HIV+ to get on Ontario Disability Support Program (ODSP) or to go on Long Term Disability. But their are no structures to get off the system in a manner that accommodates the fact that we may get sick a little more often. Where we don’t live in fear of someone finding out that I am living with HIV. A structure that says we support you in this process of healing your life.
Living on ODSP can be humiliating you loose your sense of personal freedom living only in locations that you can afford their is nothing glamorous about that lifestyle. Aprox $1000. / month is not enough. It is only recently that ODSP even allowed people to go back to work provided their is employment that allows for sick time and is fully understanding of what your living with. Often this is not the case.
Many times this life is not conducive to thinking the best thoughts about oneself on any given day and with some of the things that the medications do to us actually is quite depressing. I can totally understand the lack of meaning or the story that’s playing in our heads that says: ‘I’m not even worthy of being capable!’ and the proof was found in that my Executive Director believes that I can’t. We all know my distaste of the word can’t.
As we have covered before if you believe you can’t your right! Having our community tell us we can’t does not help in changing those beliefs. If an individual does not believe they can and no one tells them otherwise chances are they will not accomplish what they believe they can not do.
So now I’m wondering how does telling others they can’t or are not capable, serves ourself or our community? What dammage does it do to others when you do? From the other side what purpose does it serve you when others say you can’t or are not even capable and you believe them? What dammage does it do when we say it to ourselves?
Jan
13
Clean your messes!
Have you ever tried to accomplish something only to find that something in the past is coming back to haunt you? Your going through life knocking off your dreams on your ‘dream list’ but along comes that one small thing at the absolute worst time. It seem to rear it’s ugly head and screams NO! STOP! Life stops. We all have experienced this at one time or another.
I once had a roommate who loved to clean he would clean all day. I loved watching him clean, it made me smile. He had a small apartment maybe 800 square feet. He would be in a flurry of activity cleaning in front but the interesting thing is, that he would leave a mess behind him. Dirty towels that just got moved from one spot to behind him you know it looks good when you can’ t see it. The garbage bag that he started in the kitchen and the one he got for the bathroom and the one for the bed room. The piles of laundry in every room always sorted but never actually in one pile in one location. He would go round and round in circles around the apartment. It never seemed to end. At the same time that which was directly in frount of him was alway tidily.
When I first set out to be come a Life Coach I created a list of all the things that could prevent me from achieving my goal. I called this list my mess list. These were things like clearing my credit, Fixing that relationship that may stop me from doing what I need to do. Clearing up the messes that happen when we accomplish our goals should be as much of a ‘dream’ as the dreams on your dream list. So what have you forgotten about? What mess have you left behind that may come back to haunt you?
Jan
04
Simple Supporting Structure
I can admit when I’m wrong. I have not been living up to my expectations for this blog. I promised that I would deliver a post a week and I missed a week over the holidays. Well, that was before I started Positivelite.com. I never knew setting up a commercial blog would be not only so much fun but also so much work.
On PositiveLite.com I am committing to the process of quitting smoking. I have not declared my quit date as I wish to spend some time thinking about and researching the structure that I will use to support me in reaching this goal. This got me thinking about the structure I could be using to ensure that I Blog on time here on GayGuideToronto.com.
Short of having Shaun Proulx give me a good swat once in a wile which probably would make a great structure. One that I surely would respond too. As a baby commercial blog owner I know that this would not be very nice structure for Shaun. (Ok that’s a big assumption)
So what structure will I place? I’m thinking that I could set a reminder in my schedual. However I sence that at a time when I am busy it would be like an alarm clock in the morning that just is dying to be snoozed. I have those structures already!
It seems that this structure not good enough it seems that my structure needs a structure. Something that supports my goal even when my basic structures fail. Something that would be a great supporting structure would be to have several posts created in advance. I could also ask my readers to send me a reminder that a post is in order. For me it’s just a gentle reminder is all that’s needed.
Reminders are a great supporting structure so I guess I could have little notes all over the place. My partner who is a little OCD would not enjoy that. Supporting structures especially visual ones can be powerful. They don’t have to be so obvious either. This past Christmas Shaun gave me a small present. he gave me cuff links with my initials on it. My partner picked them up and placed them on the boat in the bathroom. I love this and I think that this will serve as my visual reminder to do my posts.
Using visual or physical reminders that don’t have meaning to anyone elce other than yourself is a great way of creating structures. Painting a wall let’s say Red or any colour, and thinking “I am painting this wall red to remind me to complete goal ‘A’ ” is such a powerful way of supporting your goals and dreams. Painting a room with this sort of intention creates a pavlovian trigger. Subconsciously, when you walking into that red room you could not help but be reminded even on a subconcious level of what you want. Subconsciously you will think about the action and be more inclined to to take it.
What structures do you have in your life?
What structures support your structures?
What structures do you have that support you in a negative way?
At this time of year I can at times find myself being rather melancholy. This time of year I think can make the best of us wish we were not who we are. Recently while at a retreat with Byron Katie she was dying to tell me this story. I think this is the perfect time of year to bring it out. The perfect time to remind us all we do have a right to live. Happy holidays to all!
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Dec
04
I thought I would do some celebrating this post as we all need to do a little bit of that. Also some acknowledgment goes a log way. First I am very happy to acknowledge the success of GayGuideToronto.com blogger David Ivey. David, if you have not heard already won MLT. 2010 and is the youngest Mister Leatherman Toronto ever. I have a lot of respect for him going for what he wants and I expect that he and his team will produce excellent events this year.
On another note I would love to celebrate the success and hard work of my new business partner and fellow GayGuideToronto.com blogger Brian Finch. Brian has a dream and I have to acknowledge it.
Please watch our recent visits to The Shaun Proulx Show.
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Watch me explain to Shaun what we have created!!!
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Brian on his ’she’s still here tour.’ and whoring PositiveLite.com
I received this notice this morning and needed to share. Watch the video!!!! Only 4 days to act!!!
The Toronto People With AIDS Foundation has submitted an “idea” to the Aviva Community Fund and would like your everyone’s support to help us be eligible for funding through the $500,000 fund. The next step is for us to promote the idea and get as many people as possible to go online and vote for our “idea”. Top voted ideas will move to the next level of judging.
We invite you to take a few minutes, go to the website, register and vote for our idea entitled “Making a Positive Difference”. This takes literally minutes to do, is very simple and you can register without having to receive future correspondence if you are not interested.
You can also take the opportunity to forward the information to friends, family, post on facebook and promote any way you can. This exciting new idea is ready to really grow and this funding opportunity would make a huge impact.
Aviva Community Fund website
www.avivacommunityfund.org
Idea # ACF4829
Direct URL – http://www.avivacommunityfund.org/ideas/acf4829
The voting is done in phases and for our phase, we have until November 29th to vote so please take the time this week to help us make a positive difference with this exciting new idea.
Thanks in advance for your support!
Murray
Murray Jose
Executive Director
Toronto People With AIDS Foundation
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