Jun
22
Everyone knows that trust game where you fall into another person, trusting that they will catch you. The idea is that you trust someone to keep you from hitting the ground. When practicing BDSM that amount of trust is required to the power of 10. Instead of trusting a person won’t instinctively stop you from hitting the ground, you have to trust they consciously have your best interests at heart.
If you are going to allow someone to tie you up, hold you down and beat you, you have to trust them. You must trust they will stop when you want them. That they won’t try some shady shit once your restrained. It is through this trust that you are able to truly experience the full experience. When you trust someone, your fight or flight response simply becomes a delightful, impassioned and incredibly erotic ride.
I recently found myself in such a situation. The man I am involved with my safety both emotionally and physically. He is someone who has proved he in fact has my best interests at heart. I know if it gets too intense he will slow down or stop. That he wouldn’t pull something that would upset me. That I am safe with him. The result is being able to full allow yourself to fall. An intense and mind blowing rush which truly has to be experienced to be understood.
People wonder why kinky folk do the things we do. This is why. It is the true intensity and thrill that comes with exploration in a safe place. Letting yourself fall, knowing full well that there will be a person there to catch you before you hit the ground.
Jun
21
The following is a response to a piece written by Stephen Lane of Oxballs. Oxballs is a company that makes insertables as well as various cock and ball toys made of high grade silicone. The piece was published on Leatherati.com and can be viewed here.
Let me open saying this. I agree with you in one regard. The comments you make about the IML Barebacking Ban and the inclusion of bestiality porn in the vendor market are incredibly valid. But I am not writing this in order to agree with you. So lets get on to where our opinions differ.
You say it isn’t right for a trans person to enter a contest for men. You complain that it would be unfair for example you to enter a contest intended for lesbians and take the title. That both your hypothetical actions and those very real actions of my brother Tyler deprive someone more deserving of a title. International Mr. Leather is a contest for men. They have clear definitions of what constitutes someone of male gender. Tyler very obviously fits those requirements. Your point is all but moot, no? Your own transphobia is showing.
You say that inclusion only goes so far. That we have to draw the line somewhere. Your going to withdraw your support from all groups and organizations that don’t have the “balls” to get lesbian and trans individuals out? Go ahead. Feel free. Do you think those organizations who support inclusion really want the money from a bigot? You say “This is the leather community’s Sarah Palin…just in leather.” I am assuming you mean to say that we have chosen a figure head which exemplifies the worst in our community? Much like when Republicans chose her as their VP candidate? I think the comparison would be more apt were we to of chosen a pig headed, bigoted asshole such as your self to represent us. Someone who exemplifies our worst points?
I will applaud you for one thing. You are willing to take such a big risk associated your incredibly popular products with your own bullshit views. You could have left an anonymous comment. You could of bitched to your friends. But you chose to publish your opinions for all to see. Bravo. It takes a lot of balls to do that.
I won’t be supporting your company and I will ask my friends to do the same. So go burn your leather and hang out with the Rubber guys.
Jun
10
Censorship is an incredibly difficult subject to approach. Especially here in Canada where the right to free speech is trumped by the right to be free from discrimination and hatred. You can say whatever you want, so long as it isn’t considered hate speech. This is something I fully support. Hate speech is an incredibly dangerous method of attack. Words are quite possibly the most powerful thing humans have ever possessed. And being able to express ourselves verbally is what drives our culture.
The decision to censor the words “Israeli Apartheid” on the part of Pride Toronto constitutes playing with fire on their part. Nothing in the literature, slogans, or message of Queers Against Israeli Apartheid constitute hate speech, or anything remotely hateful. They are a group of like minded queers united in spreading their opinion on the State of Israel and their actions (which many people believe constitutes a form of apartheid). They aren’t spewing anti-semetic statements, they are criticizing a government and its policies. Something that Pride has been about since it’s very inception.
The argument that this groups message is not in anyway queer CAN be considered valid. I will concede that Israel isn’t on par with Uganda or Iran. Hell they even allow gays and lesbians to serve in the military (or rather they don’t care cause everyone serves time). But if the political message about disenfranchised people in The Middle East doesn’t belong in our parade (when brought to our attention by members of our own community), then there are some other people who don’t belong.
Gay people have more problems with booze then our straight counterparts. Why should we have vodka and beer companies marching in our parades? How about banks? What does low bank fees and mortgage rates have to do with gay pride? We can not play this whose message is valid game. It is arbitrary and will only devolve into splitting hairs.
And more importantly is the issue of censorship. The term Apartheid is a touchy issue to say the least. It stirs up pictures of Nelson Mandela in jail, legacies of colonialism, and institutionalized racism. Drag queens are a touchy subject for many people. Many gay people believe they set an incredibly bad example of the queer community. I have even heard them compared to minstrels. Many forms of BDSM aren’t even legal in Canada since the law states you can not consent to harm. If we allow some busy bodies to bully us into giving them their way what is next? Will drag queens be considered a legacy of negative gender conformity and latent misogyny? Will leather men and kinky dykes not be allowed to march with certain signs because they reference acts which exist in a legal grey area at best? What about TNT MEN or those Marijuana protesters?
The theme of Pride this year is YOU BELONG! We mustn’t allow a board of officials tell us that they is a little asterisk attached to that slogan. It is OUR pride. We all belong, and if we let the censors win this battle, we could loose the war.
Jun
07
I recently competed at International Mr. Leather in Chicago. It was a life changing experience and something that when I talk about will most likely sound cliched to those who haven’t experienced something like it. But that isn’t what this post is about. I want to talk on a bit of a broader scale. I want to talk about the Leather Community. I want to talk about my leather brothers. I want to talk about International Mr. Leather 2010 Tyler McCormick who after this weekend I consider to be among my chosen family.
There has been alot of drama, and shit going on since Tyler won. Tyler is the first trans man to win. He is also the first person who is primarily confined to a wheel chair to win. And he is also the first contestant to my knowledge from New Mexico…. I have heard so many different opinions regarding his win. And I will convey to you an encounter I had on my way to dinner the day after the contest.
A man stopped me seeing my contestant medal and asked me how I felt about Tyler winning. More specifically he asked me how I felt about a transgendered person winning. I replied that I thought it was fabulous and couldn’t be happier with Tyler winning. He then proceeded to launch into some ramblings about it being International Mr. Leather MAN…. (There is no such man in the title for the record). And how he felt that there shouldn’t even be women on the judging panel. Restraining myself I politely told him that Tyler is in fact a man, and that we obviously wouldn’t be able to agree at this point. My urge was to launch him over the railing we were standing by…
Reactions have ranged from tears of joy to accusations that he manipulated the judges by not going out of his way to disclose. Or that when he walked out on stage that it was an obvious ploy to shock and amaze people. Having spent the weekend with Tyler and the rest of our class, I would like to point out the many other times he walked. He has limited mobility, he wasn’t trying to give the crowd some tent revival miracle.
And the issue of him being trans. Some of the judges were not aware of this until part way through the competition. Tyler never hid who he was. He also didn’t introduce himself as Tyler the Trans Dude. His gender identity isn’t an issue for him. Exchange trans for jewish, HIV positive, recovering alchoholic or Lady Gaga fan and the disclosure seems strange and somewhat out of place. “Hi I am Allen and I am HIV Positive it is nice to meet you!” Why should gender identity be any different?
I am disgusted that people would be anything but encouraging and amazed at the courage it takes to go through this contest, let alone go through it as someone who many people feel doesn’t belong. To stand on stage and explain how you were told you would never go shirtless in public. How can we look at someone who has shown such honour, courage and grace and do anything other then applaud them.
Those in the Leather community who have had incredibly phobic and negative things to say should reflect on what it means to be a man. And what it means to be a Leather man. Bravery is chief among the attributes we claim to value. And I for one couldn’t think of a braver more worthy recipient of the title. And to those with hate to spread, can answer to those who consider Tyler family. Because no one disrespects my family.
May
03
Not everyone knows this about me, but when I am not wandering around the city being Mr. Leatherman Toronto and claiming wolves ate my pants, I can be found watching horror movies. I am all about scary movies (Nicole Kidman in Bewitched does not count). So it pains me that all my favourite classic horror movies are getting big budget Hollywood remakes. First there was Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Amittyville Horror (both of which I actually felt improved on the original), then they went after Friday the 13th and Halloween… with a remake of Hellraiser in the works and A Nightmare on Elm Street in theatres my blackened little heart hurts when I think about the money bukake being made with the corpses of my favourite classics. And for those who aren’t familiar go stand in the corner; A Nightmare on Elm Street is about a burned man in a green and red sweater who uses his razor sharp claw/glove to hack his way through the children of those who burned him alive for murder by coming at the kids in their dreams.
So a little briefing on why A Nightmare on Elm Street has any place on a blog that is generally about all things homolicious. First of all I will direct you to the second film in the franchise which even has the lead going to a gay leather bar only to run into his gym teacher. But thats another post for another time. Gay men have especially strong affinities for strong female leads. And one of the best female leads in horror was Nancy. She was mousy and smart, had a hot boyfriend (Johnny Depp in his first movie). And most importantly she kicked some ass. When Freddy Kruger kills her pretty blond best friend, the bad ass boyfriend, and the adorable Glen (Depp), she takes extreme measures to defeat Kruger. She brings him in from the dream world into the real world and then uses a bunch of home made booby traps to defeat him. That description doesn’t do it justice, so I strongly suggest getting your ass to the video store and renting it!
Spoiler Warning Bitches!
Flash forward to the remake which should of been called Nightmare on Twilight Street. Gone is the strong smart Nancy with the drunk mother and distant father. Here we have a sullen mopey girl who spends her time drawing, being emotional and being oblivious to the advances of a boy at her school who is like a puffy less suave version of Edward Cullen. Nancy looses most of her confidance, and ends up navigating the unraveling of the mystery with her beau vs finding out on her own. This is not the Nancy who inspired a generation of girls and fags to be smart, resourceful and kick ass when being hunted down by a homocidal maniac in their dreams. Where is the girl who hides a coffee maker in the closet, sets trip wires and has the chutzpa to hold out on the sexual advances of a barely legal Johnny Depp?
What kind of message does it send to girls and gays to have the heroine reduced to a whiny little sad girl who manages to suddenly grow a pair at the very last minute out of necessity to save her sad little man friend? Gone is the smart edgy gorefest of my childhood. Hollywood raped its remains. Because Twilight is what sells tickets to the movies these days. Everyone needs to be emotionally distraught and chock full of emotion. I want a bad ass horror heroine and I want her now!
And now a video for those who may doubt how gay a major horror franchise can get… A clip from A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge…
Apr
27
I am going to admit that I am a total faggot for Glee. The musical hit series from the man that brought the world Popular, is my latest obsession. Sometimes after a weekend of macho men in chaps, you just need to cuddle up with some ice cream and enjoy some straight up camp. In particular, the recent Madonna tribute episode peeked my interest. Even those not familiar with the show have probably encountered the internet meme of Jane Lynch doing a shot for shot remake and cover of Madonna’s Vogue.
It was clever on a level beyond the basic premise of “frumpy possibly gay cheerleading coach pays homage to pop icon”. Just below the surface is the incredibly witty and hilarious basis of this. Middle aged white woman uses the talents and culture of queers and people of color for her own means. Kurt and Mercedes even say it themselves, hes gay, shes black they create culture. Madonna took the culture of queer black people and created a commercial product which helped fuel her fame machine. And now you have an homage to Madonna quietly winking at us. Its not every day you have a cultural phenomenon, that can actually offer social commentary, laughs and heart all in one episode. Let alone with catchy wall to wall musical numbers!
To watch Jane Lynch’s Sue Sylvester’s Vogue HERE.
Lube is somewhat of a staple for Gay men. Unlike with Straight people, who often can go long stretches without even having it as a consideration. Butt fucking and lube are the perfect combo, and so every guy top or bottom tends to have a little something in the night stand. More importantly, a good lubricant can make the experience more enjoyable AND help prevent condoms breaking! Sore asses should only result from long nights with big cocks, not from friction! So let’s gather round for a quick tutorial on shopping for lube.
Lesson #1No one likes a cheap bitch: The lube that comes in those ketchup packets is an in case of emergency/better then spit situations…. While they lube is good for what it is (free and widely available), it is a wee bit tacky to have a nice date end in the guy pulling out a packet of lube. Your cock isn’t a french fry, ditch the individual servings….
Lesson #2 In the event you should find yourself in Kansas: Buying lube at the drug store is a 3 o clock in the morning thing. If it isn’t a I need it right this moment situation, go to a sex store. Preferably a gay owned and operated one (this is mostly a shitty economy help the community out thing). Sex stores sell a much wider range of lube, often at better prices, and the sales staff can be quite helpful!
Lesson #3You Better Shop Around: Try different types! Don’t just stick to that one brand cause its cheap and does the job. Try a few little bottles of different types. You never know what you could be missing out on. You don’t only eat at one restaurant cause you know its not awful. Why use the same lube for the next 10 years cause it didn’t give you a rash!
Lesson #4Buy in Bulk: Once you have tried out a few different types and know what you like and don’t like, buy bigger bottles. It is pretty much across the board cheaper for the bigger bottles then the little testers. If you feel the need to appear dainty, keep the smaller bottle and simply refill it from the big bottle. Think of it like shopping at Costco for your genitals. The money saved can go in your piggy bank!
Lesson #5 Avoid using lubes that warm, tingle or claim to increase sensation. They might not bother your cock, but your trick’s ass might not be a fan of a burning tingling sensation…
Silicone, Water or Oil? What does it all mean?
There are usually three groups lubes can be put into. Silicone based, water based and oil based. Each has their own merits for different purposes. For actual sex you are going to want to stick to either silicone or water. Oil based lubes will destroy latex condoms. Oil based lubes are only really called for when jerking off (Elbow Grease) or for heavy ass play such as fisting (Slam Dunk).
Water based lube is what MOST lubes on the market are made of. They are primarily made of water and a few other ingredients to make them lube. They tend to me less expensive, easy to clean up, and safe for use with any kind of toy. But on the downside, our bodies tend to draw water into our skin, leaving us sticky and otherwise un lubed. This can be remedied by applying more lube, and with brands such as Probe a simple addition of some water (spit works well for this). But with anal sex, the last thing you want is your lube drying out part way through your pounding.
This brings us to silicone. Not just the realm of luscious tranny’s and their surgically enhanced selves! Silicone lube contains no water, so it doesn’t get sucked up into the skin. This means you use less, have less need to re apply, and can spend more time making with the sexy times. People often avoid silicone, mainly because of misconceptions. A good chunk of people think it isn’t condom safe (it is actually what comes on a lubed condom). Many others find the price a problem. But if you consider how much less you use, it really makes sense. It is the perfect lube for sodomizing! And as a bonus: when it does eventually dry out, it leaves your skin feeling soft and smooth! And most brands also lack ANY flavour AND are hypoallergenic!
So go hence fourth and get yourself some lube! Because nothing scares a bottom more then when you pull out a bottle of crap you bought at the Rexall 4 years ago!!
Jan
27
I was laying in bed today (something which I less and less time to enjoy these days), and decided to watch Dr. Oz. The first part of the episode was dedicated to talking to young women and girls about sex. And the questions and answers parents needed to know. And being all for sex ed, and talking to young people frankly and honestly about sex, I figured I’d have a watch.
Oprah needs to stop this man. He had an OBGYN on to help him discuss different issues with a group of high school girls. The two of them then proceeded to misinform the girls on topics ranging from the chances of getting pregnant through anal sex, to the risk of contracting HIV through oral sex. As well they went on to spread incredibly misinformed statistics about condoms and the long term effects of STIs.
I use terms like misinformed because when it all boils down to it, a lot of their errors were a matter of semantics and omissions. Condoms fail 15% of the time….. but they failed to include that those numbers refer to condoms that are not properly put on. You run the risk of contracting HIV from oral sex…. forgetting to add that this only applies to people with open sores and even then the risk is still much lower then they implied. The risk of anal sex leading to pregnancy….. yes even one sperm can find its way up in there, but COME ON!
And the worst part was the OBGYN’s views on anal sex. I love a good butt fucking just as much as the next homo, so I damn near choked on the cock I was sucking when I heard her say “Anal sex is extremely risky and unsafe, I recommend against it for all my patients even adults”. How dare she malign the good name of ass fuckery! I have half a mind to call Dan Savage and Tristan Toramino! Anal sex IS risky when done improperly. As is almost everything we do. Its dangerous for me to cook chicken if I don’t do it right. But common sense prevails. No talk of lubricants reducing the damages caused by sex, no talk of broaching the topic of condoms with your partner, no nothing.
And to top it all off, they kept using words like “normal” and the over use of words like “infection” and “disease”, while at the same time saying parent’s shame and embarrassment rubs off on their children! Such a trusted voice, giving such sex negative advice to parents serves such a dis service to the viewer and their children. Shouldn’t we have some sort of balanced opinion on these issues?
Point of story, I need my own show!
I really wanted cha cha heels er I mean motorcycle boots for X-Mas!
I have been a busy title holder, and as such have not been blogging as much as I would like. So I will attempt a sort of title holder update before getting into the point of this post.
Firstly, we have decided upon our charity for MLT for 2010. We will be raising funds for the LGBT Youthline. This was my first choice, because I think investing time and energy into young people who are just entering or have yet to enter the queer community is something that is incredibly important. By teaching young people self worth and helping them build confidence and creating postive experiences for them regarding the queer community, we make them stronger members. We create the kind of young people who will be volunteers and community leaders. I look forward to what will surely be an amazing partnership over the comming year.
AND (another shameless plug): MLT will be having our first fundraiser of the year on the 2nd of January. We will be holding a Bottle Drive outside the Church St Beer Store just south of Wellsley. We will be collecting bottles and donations all proceeds going towards Youthline. So round up all your empties from New Years and bring em down for a good cause! Special thanks to Devin Thompson Mr Leather Fellowship 2010 who spear headed this iniative. And as an added bonus there will be complimentary hot chocolate gratiously provided by Northbound Leather!
And now a quick musing on the closet. I have been home since monday for the Christmas holidays. And let me just say its been an incredibly strange experience. I love getting to see so many people I don’t get a chance to see very often. But at the same time I hate having to lie about so much. My extended family doesn’t know I’m a total homo, or atleast we don’t discuss it. And as such all things that stem from me being a total mo have to be covered up. So as far as they know I work in a video store…. (not a complete out and out lie). BUT they don’t know pretty much anything about my writing or MLT and such. When I worked at the tubs I was a bus boy as far as they were concerned. So much of my accomplishments can not be discussed. And even if they knew that I am gay, they still wouldn’t be able to handle the level of my faggotry. So I sit there while they give me sad eyes because they think my life has gone to nothing, and wonder if the city chewed me up and is about to spit me out. I just smile and nod. Such an odd experience to say the least. But tonight I head back to Toronto and those 2 days of extended family don’t return until next Christmas….
The MLT Bottle Drive : A Fundraiser for Youthline will take place on January 2nd all day outside the Church Street Beerstore across from the 519.
Dec
05
So some pretty insane stuff has happened in my life since my last post. Over this past weekend, I became the youngest Mr. Leatherman Toronto in the history of the competition. For those non leather readers out there this is a pretty big deal. This means a year chock full of appearances, travel, hard work and a ton of charity involvement. MLT is one of the most well respected titles in North America, and to have it represented by someone so young says alot about the direction that the community is going in.
It has already opened so many doors, and will give me the opportunity to further myself personally and to represent Toronto on an International scale. And I would like to take a moment to indulge myself and thank some people who I neglected to mention in various other public forums over the course of the days following. I would first and foremost like to thank my Mom. Followed quite quickly by three people whom I would not of even been a title holder without, Carolyn Kelly, Jack Pearce & McG who helped set me on this path. Ed & Dean for being such amazing title sponsors. Matt Pavelich & Fenn for your continuing support in the face of the competition and now my title year. To my class of 2010, I owe you so much. I learned so much competing against such great guys. Shaun Proulx for the confidence to believe in my voice. Corey Breau for being so young and doing so much with the title. Brendan McGovern even though we barely just met, your coming in 2nd at IML was more inspiration then you can imagine. And to the judging panel, for taking the much more controversial road of appointing a 22 year old as Toronto’s ambassador to the community. And especially Peter Kincheloe for his incredibly kind words. And a huge thanks to Bryan, who I don’t think ever realized that this painfully shy young man would end up where I stand today. And of course to Ray Hayhurst for biscuits.
I look forward to taking this title to all kinds of events throughout the year. To hosting some amazing fundraisers. And working with Mr. Leather Fellowship Devin Thompson & Toronto Bootblack bootboy digger to do some amazing work in the community this year.
