Lube is somewhat of a staple for Gay men. Unlike with Straight people, who often can go long stretches without even having it as a consideration. Butt fucking and lube are the perfect combo, and so every guy top or bottom tends to have a little something in the night stand. More importantly, a good lubricant can make the experience more enjoyable AND help prevent condoms breaking! Sore asses should only result from long nights with big cocks, not from friction! So let’s gather round for a quick tutorial on shopping for lube.
Lesson #1No one likes a cheap bitch: The lube that comes in those ketchup packets is an in case of emergency/better then spit situations…. While they lube is good for what it is (free and widely available), it is a wee bit tacky to have a nice date end in the guy pulling out a packet of lube. Your cock isn’t a french fry, ditch the individual servings….
Lesson #2 In the event you should find yourself in Kansas: Buying lube at the drug store is a 3 o clock in the morning thing. If it isn’t a I need it right this moment situation, go to a sex store. Preferably a gay owned and operated one (this is mostly a shitty economy help the community out thing). Sex stores sell a much wider range of lube, often at better prices, and the sales staff can be quite helpful!
Lesson #3You Better Shop Around: Try different types! Don’t just stick to that one brand cause its cheap and does the job. Try a few little bottles of different types. You never know what you could be missing out on. You don’t only eat at one restaurant cause you know its not awful. Why use the same lube for the next 10 years cause it didn’t give you a rash!
Lesson #4Buy in Bulk: Once you have tried out a few different types and know what you like and don’t like, buy bigger bottles. It is pretty much across the board cheaper for the bigger bottles then the little testers. If you feel the need to appear dainty, keep the smaller bottle and simply refill it from the big bottle. Think of it like shopping at Costco for your genitals. The money saved can go in your piggy bank!
Lesson #5 Avoid using lubes that warm, tingle or claim to increase sensation. They might not bother your cock, but your trick’s ass might not be a fan of a burning tingling sensation…
Silicone, Water or Oil? What does it all mean?
There are usually three groups lubes can be put into. Silicone based, water based and oil based. Each has their own merits for different purposes. For actual sex you are going to want to stick to either silicone or water. Oil based lubes will destroy latex condoms. Oil based lubes are only really called for when jerking off (Elbow Grease) or for heavy ass play such as fisting (Slam Dunk).
Water based lube is what MOST lubes on the market are made of. They are primarily made of water and a few other ingredients to make them lube. They tend to me less expensive, easy to clean up, and safe for use with any kind of toy. But on the downside, our bodies tend to draw water into our skin, leaving us sticky and otherwise un lubed. This can be remedied by applying more lube, and with brands such as Probe a simple addition of some water (spit works well for this). But with anal sex, the last thing you want is your lube drying out part way through your pounding.
This brings us to silicone. Not just the realm of luscious tranny’s and their surgically enhanced selves! Silicone lube contains no water, so it doesn’t get sucked up into the skin. This means you use less, have less need to re apply, and can spend more time making with the sexy times. People often avoid silicone, mainly because of misconceptions. A good chunk of people think it isn’t condom safe (it is actually what comes on a lubed condom). Many others find the price a problem. But if you consider how much less you use, it really makes sense. It is the perfect lube for sodomizing! And as a bonus: when it does eventually dry out, it leaves your skin feeling soft and smooth! And most brands also lack ANY flavour AND are hypoallergenic!
So go hence fourth and get yourself some lube! Because nothing scares a bottom more then when you pull out a bottle of crap you bought at the Rexall 4 years ago!!
Jan
27
I was laying in bed today (something which I less and less time to enjoy these days), and decided to watch Dr. Oz. The first part of the episode was dedicated to talking to young women and girls about sex. And the questions and answers parents needed to know. And being all for sex ed, and talking to young people frankly and honestly about sex, I figured I’d have a watch.
Oprah needs to stop this man. He had an OBGYN on to help him discuss different issues with a group of high school girls. The two of them then proceeded to misinform the girls on topics ranging from the chances of getting pregnant through anal sex, to the risk of contracting HIV through oral sex. As well they went on to spread incredibly misinformed statistics about condoms and the long term effects of STIs.
I use terms like misinformed because when it all boils down to it, a lot of their errors were a matter of semantics and omissions. Condoms fail 15% of the time….. but they failed to include that those numbers refer to condoms that are not properly put on. You run the risk of contracting HIV from oral sex…. forgetting to add that this only applies to people with open sores and even then the risk is still much lower then they implied. The risk of anal sex leading to pregnancy….. yes even one sperm can find its way up in there, but COME ON!
And the worst part was the OBGYN’s views on anal sex. I love a good butt fucking just as much as the next homo, so I damn near choked on the cock I was sucking when I heard her say “Anal sex is extremely risky and unsafe, I recommend against it for all my patients even adults”. How dare she malign the good name of ass fuckery! I have half a mind to call Dan Savage and Tristan Toramino! Anal sex IS risky when done improperly. As is almost everything we do. Its dangerous for me to cook chicken if I don’t do it right. But common sense prevails. No talk of lubricants reducing the damages caused by sex, no talk of broaching the topic of condoms with your partner, no nothing.
And to top it all off, they kept using words like “normal” and the over use of words like “infection” and “disease”, while at the same time saying parent’s shame and embarrassment rubs off on their children! Such a trusted voice, giving such sex negative advice to parents serves such a dis service to the viewer and their children. Shouldn’t we have some sort of balanced opinion on these issues?
Point of story, I need my own show!
I really wanted cha cha heels er I mean motorcycle boots for X-Mas!
I have been a busy title holder, and as such have not been blogging as much as I would like. So I will attempt a sort of title holder update before getting into the point of this post.
Firstly, we have decided upon our charity for MLT for 2010. We will be raising funds for the LGBT Youthline. This was my first choice, because I think investing time and energy into young people who are just entering or have yet to enter the queer community is something that is incredibly important. By teaching young people self worth and helping them build confidence and creating postive experiences for them regarding the queer community, we make them stronger members. We create the kind of young people who will be volunteers and community leaders. I look forward to what will surely be an amazing partnership over the comming year.
AND (another shameless plug): MLT will be having our first fundraiser of the year on the 2nd of January. We will be holding a Bottle Drive outside the Church St Beer Store just south of Wellsley. We will be collecting bottles and donations all proceeds going towards Youthline. So round up all your empties from New Years and bring em down for a good cause! Special thanks to Devin Thompson Mr Leather Fellowship 2010 who spear headed this iniative. And as an added bonus there will be complimentary hot chocolate gratiously provided by Northbound Leather!
And now a quick musing on the closet. I have been home since monday for the Christmas holidays. And let me just say its been an incredibly strange experience. I love getting to see so many people I don’t get a chance to see very often. But at the same time I hate having to lie about so much. My extended family doesn’t know I’m a total homo, or atleast we don’t discuss it. And as such all things that stem from me being a total mo have to be covered up. So as far as they know I work in a video store…. (not a complete out and out lie). BUT they don’t know pretty much anything about my writing or MLT and such. When I worked at the tubs I was a bus boy as far as they were concerned. So much of my accomplishments can not be discussed. And even if they knew that I am gay, they still wouldn’t be able to handle the level of my faggotry. So I sit there while they give me sad eyes because they think my life has gone to nothing, and wonder if the city chewed me up and is about to spit me out. I just smile and nod. Such an odd experience to say the least. But tonight I head back to Toronto and those 2 days of extended family don’t return until next Christmas….
The MLT Bottle Drive : A Fundraiser for Youthline will take place on January 2nd all day outside the Church Street Beerstore across from the 519.
Dec
05
So some pretty insane stuff has happened in my life since my last post. Over this past weekend, I became the youngest Mr. Leatherman Toronto in the history of the competition. For those non leather readers out there this is a pretty big deal. This means a year chock full of appearances, travel, hard work and a ton of charity involvement. MLT is one of the most well respected titles in North America, and to have it represented by someone so young says alot about the direction that the community is going in.
It has already opened so many doors, and will give me the opportunity to further myself personally and to represent Toronto on an International scale. And I would like to take a moment to indulge myself and thank some people who I neglected to mention in various other public forums over the course of the days following. I would first and foremost like to thank my Mom. Followed quite quickly by three people whom I would not of even been a title holder without, Carolyn Kelly, Jack Pearce & McG who helped set me on this path. Ed & Dean for being such amazing title sponsors. Matt Pavelich & Fenn for your continuing support in the face of the competition and now my title year. To my class of 2010, I owe you so much. I learned so much competing against such great guys. Shaun Proulx for the confidence to believe in my voice. Corey Breau for being so young and doing so much with the title. Brendan McGovern even though we barely just met, your coming in 2nd at IML was more inspiration then you can imagine. And to the judging panel, for taking the much more controversial road of appointing a 22 year old as Toronto’s ambassador to the community. And especially Peter Kincheloe for his incredibly kind words. And a huge thanks to Bryan, who I don’t think ever realized that this painfully shy young man would end up where I stand today. And of course to Ray Hayhurst for biscuits.
I look forward to taking this title to all kinds of events throughout the year. To hosting some amazing fundraisers. And working with Mr. Leather Fellowship Devin Thompson & Toronto Bootblack bootboy digger to do some amazing work in the community this year.
Last night, I treated myself to a pre MLT weekend night out at the movies by myself. Anyone who remembers the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie goes to the movies by herself on movie night can imagine my much gayer and somewhat low rent version of this. Just me and Telus Tuesdays at the Scotiabank Theatre (11.65$ gets you a big thing of popcorn, a pop and an adult ticket). No I wasn’t there to oggle shirtless jailbait werewolves, I was there for one of the year’s most talked about films.
Precious – Based on the novel Push by Saphire, the story of a young woman facing unimaginable odds in 1980s Harlem. I am not going to go into too many details as that has been rehashed and talked about constantly. I want to talk about Monique. The actress and comedian, plays Precious’s mother Mary. Mary is one of those characters that will break your heart in so many ways. Specifically, the scene between Mary, Precious and Ms. Weiss (played by Mariah Carey), is the kind of thing that make me love film. This is what Faye Dunaway wishes her performance was in Mommy Dearest. While Mary is a monster, she also gives us insight into that monstrosity. How could someone hate their own child so much? How could they let the horrible things happen to their daughter? Her performance sheds light on some of the darkest parts of the human soul.
Another person in this film is Gabourey Sidibe. A young woman who has never done anything beyond a school play, makes the break out performance of a life time. After seeing press for the film, I am blown over by how Gabby is not Precious. She so deftly inhabits the role, that I expect her to speak, walk, and essentially be the same person as we see in the film. I think that should she fall into obscurity it will be one of the greatest tragedies of Hollywood. As an overweight, dark skinned woman of African descent, her roles will surely be limited. But this performance proves you don’t need to be Charlize Theron to undergo an astounding transformation worthy of infinite praise.
In small roles, we also have some really great talent. Mariah Carey is actually amazing in it. Her disdain for Mary is almost palatable. Sherri Shepard sans wig & Lenny Kravitz round some of the more famous faces. Paula Patton plays the teacher working to save a small group of inner city girls from their circumstances. And I really enjoyed that she was a fully realized character. Acting in what would be Precious’ best interest. She even goes so far as to suggest that Precious give her two children up for adoption in order to focus on improving her own circumstances. A truly heartwarming scene occurs between Patton’s character and her female lover as they take Precious in for Christmas. Precious says in a voice over how her mother always said how homos are evil, and sick. But as she points out homos had taken her in for the holidays, fed and clothed her, even bought her presents without really knowing her. Homos had never raped her, beaten her, made her feel shame and disgust with herself.
I can not recommend this film enough. There will be no clean cut happy ending, there will be heart break. But most importantly there will be hope.
So I haven’t blogged in an almost heinous amount of time. And as such I am going to do a redux of some of the things I would have been blogging about had I not been so busy with my numerous other engagements.
Become Part of the Tribe
A few weeks have passed since Northbound Leather’s annual Fetish Extravaganza, but the images are still quite fresh in my head. The fashion show, this year was told in a narrative form seeing a young initiate as he goes through a series of trials to become a full fledged member of a very kinky tribe. Marty Rotman and his team truly out did themselves with this one. Not only were the fashions mind blowing (Ranging from Mad Max to CBGB to Ancient Africa to Vampires), the over all exploration of the different roots of kink and fetish were so inspired and well produced. It was as if the over all underlying message was one of normalization. That these things all have their roots in other cultures. The theme of Tribe was the perfect one. That no matter our kinks we all stand together as part of a tribe. A chosen family.
You Are Still In The Running To Be The Next Mr. Leatherman Toronto…
So one of the reasons I have been so busy is that I am now a title holder in the leather community. Through a series of odd and somewhat controversial events I ended up becoming Mr. Woody’s Priape. As such, I have been attending alot of events in the community, making appearances etc. I am having so much fun, and it has really gotten be back into being involved in the community. After all my younger leather friends moved away I kind of just didn’t have the energy to brave going out alone and making new leather friends. And already I have found some amazing friends in my fellow 2o1o title holders. And a week from today begins the MLT weekend, with the Mama Does Toronto party at the Black Eagle. The excitement well out ways the nerves in all of this. And I hope to see you the reader at some of these events (the full list can be found here). And don’t forget that none other then Shaun Proulx will be hosting the contest along with David Kloss (The first Mr. International Leather). They hosted last year and did a fabulous job, and will surely continue to amaze.
I also am one of the youngest (if not the youngest) contestants in MLT history. In a class of some of the youngest title holders (only 2 are over 3o). So wish me luck! Also don’t forget to check out the Toronto Bootblack Contest a the Black Eagle the afternoon of the 28th.
Oct
21
On the tails of the news that our fair city of Toronto has been named the host of World Pride 2014, terrible news began to spread through word of mouth and the internet. In the early hours of Sunday the 18th, Chris Skinner, a 20 something gay man was attacked and then run over by a group of men in a black SUV. He was taken to hospital and died of his injuries shortly there after. You can read all about the details here, including if you have any information which may help with the investigation. Toronto Police have said they do not feel the murder was motivated by homophobia, but there seems little reason otherwise. The Entertaintment District is well known for its less then open mindedness, and it hasn’t taken long for the conclusions to be drawn.
The bigger issue I want to make here, is that homophobia is terrorism. Attacks like this, or even much less violent more nuanced versions of homophobia act to terrorize queer people. They seek to make us afraid to be who we are. To be afraid to leave our neighborhood. To be afraid to walk home alone at night, lest we fall victim to an attack much like the one that befell Chris Skinner.
From outright hate crimes to systematic homophobia to Prop8, these seek to terrorize us. It is disgusting to think that the same city could be host to one of the worlds largest annual Pride parades, I for one will not allow myself to be terrorized.
Oct
06
“We must not be free because we claim it but because we practice it.” William Faulkner
As Canadians prepare to gorge ourselves on turkey and carbs, your brothers and sisters to the south prepare for one of the biggest queer rights demonstrations in history. This weekend, LGBTQ activists will march on Washington as part of a demonstration demanding equal treatment under the law. Gay history is a long a complex one, but the most pertinent of it can be seen in the 20th and 21st century. Starting with Berlin, once a gay mecca, plagued by Nazi Germany’s extermination of homosexuals in addition to the Jews, and other “undesirables” who would lose their lives during the Holocaust. To the Stonewall Riots, the decriminalization of homosexuality in Canada, and the subsequent struggle for rights for all queer people.
Living in the city, we often forget how transgressive our everyday lives are. My average day involves countless things I would be unable to do had I never moved to Toronto. Ours all would. Our freedom is built on the backs of those who came before us. Were it not for Drag queens and dykes at Stonewall where would the revolution be? More conservative leaning gay people especially it seems in North America seem to not want Drag Queens, Leather people, or any open displays of blatant sexuality (ie topless dykes or gogo boys in underwear) to be part of Parades. But I am quick to remind people that our own Pride Parade (one of the world’s largest), was all the result of the police raids on bathhouses. What place is a more blatant symbol of our communities sexual freedom? Were it not for the sexually adventurous, what would Pride be like in Toronto? Would it even exist?
We must embrace our freedoms, and just as importantly ALL people in our communities. We should be grateful that we can even have a parade. That it is no longer called a march. We no longer have to climb the steps of Capital Hill demanding some of the most basic rights. So this thanksgiving, remember we all have something to be thankful for!
Sep
28
I used to work in a bathhouse. I used to work midnights in a bathhouse. I was a supervisor on the midnight shift at a bathhouse. Take a moment to imagine, and then come back and join me for a story.
I am not going to name the bathhouse I used to work at. It was one of the most popular ones in Toronto, and many of you the readers may recognize me from working there. It was a shitty segment of my life, mostly due to working midnights. When you arrive at work at 11 3o PM and leave work at 8 15 AM, working thursday through monday you aren’t able to have much of a social life. You don’t have much time to date, and why bother since all the men you meet are naked and looking for casual sex. You wake up and its dark, and go to bed when it’s light out.
Add to this, that you regularly get yelled at by customers. You call security at least once a night on weekends to have someone removed. I had several overdoses when I worked at this tub. No one died while I was there. At 20 I was calling 911 because customers had overdosed on GHB. I was threatened. A local queen assaulted 3 co workers during a coke fit, 2 of those co workers were 60 years old, and working the day shift. I had a customer smearing shit on peoples doors. I won’t even start on the hot tub. (more…)
Sep
24
I reccently had a conversation with a co worker, in which she asked me “what are you?”. She followed this up with an explanation that she meant where did I fall within the categorizations of gay men. She had been having a conversation with a friend and mentioned me. When pressed to describe me, her friend asked what I was? A twink, bear, jock, art fag? This kind of categorization is not only incredibly delicate but at times pointless. My feelings on this topic may also come from my own inability to neatly fit into a certain category in the gay community. (more…)
