The Last Laugh with Richard Ryder
Richard Ryder
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Charity Begins With The Homos. -Mr. K (not his real name) is participating in an annual charity event that raises money for people with HIV and AIDS. He’s been able to use his local celebrity and platform to raise an impressive amount of money in a short time, all to help others who in some cases, can’t help themselves.
Fast forward to Ivana Spew (not even her real drag queen name), a participant who has been verbally attacking Mr. K and his friends, saying hateful things, to anyone who’ll listen, about their efforts and even taking bets on whether they’ll finish the event at all. I mean really. If Ivana Spew spent as much time fundraising as she does trashing people, she’d have raised more money, won a silver plate and wouldn’t have anything to bitch about!
But what really stymies me is that Ivana Spew is a volunteer. She’s not getting paid to raise money for this charity. No one is. Everyone is working in tandem to raise money for the same cause. So why stir up all this shit and make it harder? Why hate on people just because they’re able to raise more money for the same charity? They don’t even have to finish the event! Everybody wins no matter what. Better yet, why would any charity let someone so negative represent them in the first place? It’s like receiving Meals on Wheels but instead of dessert, you get a slap.
I’m just saying.
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Tags: Atlanta Pride, Boston Pride, Chicago Pride, GayGuideToronto.com, LA Pride, NYC Pride, Richard Ryder, San Francisco Pride, Shaun Proulx Media, The Friends For Life Bike Rally, Washington Pride
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Well, it’s here again. The day to be proud of who you are, inside and out.
It’s not a day of judgement or hate, it’s for celebrating and feeling good about who you are. But let’s face it. Sometimes it’s hard to feel good about yourself when surrounded by half naked hard bodies who are a lot more prouder than you.
And rightly so. But not everyone is comfortable letting it all hang out, no matter how much of IT there is to hang out there in the first place.
That’s why I’m single handedly bringing back the caftan. And not just any Value Village muumuu, I’m talking the Elizabeth Taylor Caftan. What better way to honour this icon and AIDS advocate than to don her favourite garment? Glamour, elegance and a comfy way to hide many the physical flaw. No matter what your age, a LIz Taylor caftans has it all. Match it up with a turban (GGT publisher Shaun Proulx’s new fashion fave!) and a gladiator sandal and you’re good from dusk till dawn!
Did I mention you don’t need to wear anything underneath? Shape it up with a ‘say something’ belt or let it all flap in the wind. Instant elegance and constant glamour.
Lizzie was no fool!
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Tags: caftans, Elizabeth Taylor, GayGuideToronto.com, LA Pride, Richard Ryder, Shaun Proulx Media, Toronto Pride 2012
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Okay, so I’ve said this before, I’m a bear. Visually, not in my mind. In my mind I’m a 14 year old girl who skips and shrieks at bugs, but that’s another story.
I don’t really go through my life thinking about that utility I kilt I need to wear for Pride or getting that new plaid shirt to go with my Carhart overalls. It just happens…or it doesn’t. So imagine my surprise to the reaction I got when, in a salute to our slowly approaching spring, I shaved my face.
It was more than my brain could process. People not only didn’t recognize me (how is that possible I’m still 6’4” and 290 lbs. Who else could I be?) but at an O’Grady’s bear night in Toronto, people didn’t even talk to me. Their gazes either passed right over me or they avoided me all together.
It was odd. I was no longer one of them (the bears). I was an outsider. I didn’t like it. But it helped me embrace my ursine brotherhood and in a larger way, me and so now I’m letting thing get hairy once again.
Screw summer and my upper lip!
Tags: GayGuideToronto.com, GGT, Richard Ryder, Shaun Proulx Media
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Alright. So on April 16 at 6:30 in the morning I started climbing the CN Tower. Something I’ve always wanted to do, ever since that big blackout that shut down the eastern sea board way back when. Remember? I was working wardrobe on the worst show ever and thought I’d blown a fuse on the wardrobe truck when my iron didn’t turn on. So, much to the amazement and wonder of the crew, I went around the building we were in looking for an outlet that worked. No one seems to realize the vacuum one lives in when stuck in the bowels of a wardrobe truck. I digress. That night I walked up 17 flights to my apartment and thought I was going to die. As I sat there in the stairwell waiting for the angel of death or to catch my breath, it suddenly hit me that if all our mod cons of the 21st century were taken from us, we’d be fucked! Never mind the internet or cell phones, I’m talking electricity here! So right there, in a cloud of realization that stairs wouldn’t be my undoing, I vowed to one day walk up the CN Tower. And I did it. In 31 minutes and 58 seconds. There’s another climb in October. I’m going to try and do it in 25 minutes! Shut your face! xox
Tags: CN Tower, gay, GayGuideToronto.com, Guide, Richard Ryder, stair climb, Toronto
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Okay, it’s 16 days and counting until my meteoric climb up the CN Tower steps and the question on everyone’s lips is … why? Well I’d like to say it’s for The World Wildlife Foundation Canada because it’s a great cause that’s making our world a better place. But that’s not it. I’m doing it because I’m fat. Well, okay, less fat. I’ve been working out for the past year with Gidon Gabbay of G-Force Training and to date have lost just over 70 lbs. But don’t get me wrong, I’m still fat. Because I’m lazy. If there’s an easier way to do something (ie: while I’m sitting), I’ll do it. And stairs are no exception. In the history of me, I’ve always opted for escalators, elevators and ground level businesses. If I had to walk up even one flight of stairs I wouldn’t go. I hate stairs. But I hate being fat more! So I’m celebrating my successful year with G-Force and making up for 40 years of sloth by going up the CN Tower’s 1776 steps. If you never hear from me again, the stairs won! You can sponsor my climb by clicking here!
Tags: canada, CN Tower, G-Force Training, Gidion Gabbay, Richard Ryder, The World Wildlife Foundation, WWLF
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The more I watch Glee, the more I’m convinced that Dot Jones (Beiste) and I were separated at birth. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. She looks so good in that shade of lipstick, I’d give it a try. Which is saying something because normally I would’ve thought it would’ve been a little too bold for me. Apparently not.
Tags: Beiste, Dot Jones, Glee, Richard Ryder, separated at birth
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So Maggie Cassella and Heather MacKenzie got together and created a brand new form of entertainment, The Pubaret! It’s a Cabaret in a Pub! Entertainment! Beer! Wings! I must admit, they had me at Wings. Who am I kidding, they had me at Beer! Which is why I’m honoured to announce that I’ll be performing their first comedy show on their Opening Weekend Extravaganza Saturday March 19th at their brand new venue: The Flying Beaver Pubaret at 488 Parliament Street here in Toronto. The doors open at 7:30 and I go on at 8pm and if you haven’t seen me live and onstage, you’re missing out! I’m a hoot! This will be my first solo show in Toronto since I headlined Yuk Yuks downtown Toronto club last summer so you know it’s going to be the best show ever! Tickets are $15 at the door and $10 in advance (you can order tix online here!)
Hope to see you there!
Tags: Beer, Heather MacKenzie, Maggie Cassella, Parliament Street, Pubaret, Richard Ryder, stand up comedy, The Flying Beaver, Wings
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You know I used to find it ridiculous when vibrators were called “personal massagers”. Who were they kidding? We know why they’re “personal”, you stick ‘em in! It doesn’t get more personal than that. Fast forward to me with a pinched nerve in my neck. As is the way with such things, my masseuse was out of town and my pharmacist wouldn’t let me run a tab. The pain was too much. I was in hell! I had to do something so I grabbed my thumper (shut your face). It’s this great big vibrator I have (shut it) that’s great for your lower back (shut it now). But it was too much for me. I mean my neck, probably because it’s so close to my head. In fact the thumper only made it worse. Now I had a sore neck AND a headache. I was desperate! Throwing shame to the wind, I went for my nightstand. I have this toy, like most of us do, don’t judge me (sometimes the nights are long). So I fired that bad boy up. For those of you who’ve only ever used a vibrator on your swimsuit area, let me invite you to take one now, firmly, in your hand and slowly run it up your neck behind your ear. Make sure you’re seated before you do this, though. You don’t want to go weak in the knees and hit your head on the side of the tub on your way down (again with the judging). Fast forward to me without neck or head pain. I’ve never been more relaxed. You shut it.
Tags: comedy, masseuse, neck, pain, personal massagers, pinched nerve, relaxed, Richard Ryder, swimsuit area, thumper, toy, vibrators
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Well I needed a bed. The sofa/futon/inquisitor’s rack I had been calling a bed had had enough…well…parts of it deflated. Anyway, I’d been avoiding buying a bed because I’m in a bachelor and didn’t want a bed to be my tiny apartments’ ‘feature’, despite what you may have heard on Bear411. Anyway I needed a single bed, cheap…which, conveniently enough is Swedish for IKEA! I don’t shop at IKEA enough to be jaded by it. Sure some of what I bought will very well be broke or their subtle yet important design flaws will come to light over the next few months but not everything in my apartment is from IKEA so not everything lets me down. I forget. Like when you have KFC and THEN have the regret. So off to IKEA I went. It was fabulous. I got wooden hangers, a dish rack, cutlery tray, desk lamp, desk, light bulbs, bed AND mattress for under $300. And on top of that, I get to put it all together! Now I know some of you feel like an exploited 3rd world child labourer when you have to put your stuff together but I love it! It’s like getting new furniture AND a project all in one! Maybe that’s why us gays love IKEA so much. It’s like arts and crafts only with a point. I’m surprised they don’t have a Scouts badge for it!
Tags: bachelor, Bear411, cheap, gays, IKEA, KFC, Richard Ryder, Scouts
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So, this holiday I regressed. I didn’t work out for almost 2 weeks. Quite frankly I’d had enough and wanted to celebrate the holidays by not sweating. And I ate. You name it, if it had calories, I put it in my mouth…and I don’t mean in a sexy way. Candies, cookies, bread, gravy, stuffing, ice cream, burgers, fried anything. It was a holiday to remember, but now the calories have come home to roost. Dreading my return to working out last Tuesday, I got on my scale for the first time in over a week. I couldn’t even find it at first, mostly because I’d hidden it under my shame. My fear of what I’d see on that digital readout was extreme but I knew I had to pay the piper. I was so disappointed but not too surprised to see my scale tell me I was 8 lbs heavier. 8 lbs in less than 2 weeks! I confessed all to my trainer, Gidon Gabay who assured me the damage wasn’t permanent and then proceeded to work me out like the fat bitch I am. I sweated more in that hour than I think I have in my whole life to date and to my absolute surprise and delight, the next morning after my morning trip to the toilet, I was 7 lbs lighter! Either my trainer is a workout God or I’m just full of shit.
Tags: calories, cookies, G-Force Training, Gidon Gabay, gravy, Holiday, Ice Cream, scale, sexy way, working out
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