I was just sitting here working on a presentation I’m giving at the Diversity in the Workplace Conference when it struck me yet again that people are so hung up on bathrooms and which one to use. Whenever we have to do training where someone is transitioning on the job, one of the first questions is always “Which bathroom are they going to use?” The answer is simple. The correct one for them. ie: if they identify as a woman, then they’re going to use the women’s bathroom and vis versa.
This then leads to a lot of foot shuffling and uncomfortable mutters about not wanting to have a “guy” in the women’s bathroom and if asked, most people think that’s a fair objection. And then we ask “Why?”
Two basic arguements always come forward.
(a) Trans people should use a gender neutral bathroom and not ours because they’re different. ie. the MTF’s may still have a penis and our bathroom is definately a no-penis zone!
(b) What if this whole transition thing is just a cover for a guy who wants to use it as an excuse for cheap thrills or because he wants to attack us in the women’s bathroom.
When we hear these arguements, we take them seriously, not only because they’re honestly felt emotions but also because we want to help everyone understand what’s going on so that the person transitioning has the most supportive environment possible and work disruption is minimized. So what do we say? Well, we start off by asking somewhat retorically if they’re already doing penis checks at the bathroom door? After all, for all they know, there could already be people with penises using the women’s bathroom and maybe nobody knows! This usually gets a few giggles and helps break the tension a bit which then allows us to ask the serious question of why people go to the bathroom? The inevitable answer is to void themselves and wash their hands to which we are able to explain that Trans people go to the bathroom for exactly the same reasons! That may sound smug or maybe a bit dismissive of people’s fears but really, when you sit down and think about it rationally, if we’re all just going into a bathroom, closing and locking a stall door and voiding ourselves, then what does it matter what ANYONE’S genitalia looks like? And if it matters so much then why? Are we really that uncomfortable with our bodies? Is it truly reasonable to force a person to have to go to a different floor or part of the factory or sometimes even a whole other building so that they can sit down to void themselves because you are fixated on their genitalia? At the end of the day, is it really any of your business? Not really if you think about it.
Which then leads us to the second and more emotionally charged objection – perverts and rapists. The arguement goes that we can’t allow Trans individuals to use the correct washroom at work or in public because they could be using the whole Trans thing as a trick to gain access to women’s bathrooms and assault them. Sounds scary, doesn’t it? And it is… but again… take a minute to think about it rationally. Sexual assault is all about power. Do you really think that a sexual predator would put on a dress and then go out in public like that to assault someone? Not on your life! And really, if they wanted attack someone in a women’s bathroom, do you realistically think that the sign on a door is going to dissuade them so much that they pretend to be a woman in public? Not very likely. And if they do… there are laws to protect us from such situations. Laws that don’t rest on what everyone’s genitalia looks like but rather on the actions of the person/people involved.
So please think of this the next time you want to sneer or police the bathroom because you think someone isn’t a real “man” or “woman”. We’re all just there to go about our business, the same as everyone else. Just leave us be.
August 16th, 2009 at 3:15 am
The fact that you actually said “And if they do… there are laws to protect us from such situations. Laws that don’t rest on what everyone’s genitalia looks like but rather on the actions of the person/people involved.” is absolutely horrifying.
So what your saying is, “I’m pretty sure someone isn’t going to dress like the opposite sex to rape you in the washroom. Don’t worry though: If I’m wrong, and you get raped, violated, and quite possibly worse, there are laws to deal with them after the fact.
Are you insane? This is one of the places where being politically correct has gone way the hell too far. If you have a penis, use the men’s bathroom. If you don’t, use the women’s. It’s not complicated.
As if we’re going to make EVERYONE else potentially quite uncomfortable and feel less safe so ONE individual can feel more at easy while they pee? Give me a damn break.
If I was a woman, the first thing I’d do if I saw a man walking into the women’s washroom would be to scream, then try to run, then call the cops. And that is what ANY sane and intelligent person ought to do. It’s what I would tell my sisters, my mom, my cousins, my nieces, and if I had daughters, I’d tell them that too.
It takes someone quite blinded by their emotional investment in an issue to ask another to forgo their right to feeling safe and secure (Notice how I didn’t say comfort. Safety and security come way before comfort and that includes the comfort of trans people).
Keep telling women to ignore their gut; their instincts. What’s the worst that can happen? Besides, that’s why we have rape kits and CSI.
Absolutely disgusting.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:09 am
Dear Horrified,
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my blog. I’m sorry that you take such serious issue with what I wrote and that you feel I came across as glib because I certainly was not. As someone who has a number of friends who have been sexually assaulted, I take that issue extremely seriously and in no way was I advocating for making bathrooms less safe for women. On the contrary, I was advocating on behalf of safe bathroom use for ALL women and men. Think about it: which do you think is the safer bathroom choice for a Trans woman? The men’s or women’s bathroom? And what about the Trans guy who’s been on T for a while and passes as a guy in his everyday life? Does he really belong in the women’s bathroom if he hasn’t had bottom surgery? The reality is that a men’s bathroom is not a safe place for a trans woman. The incidence of violence against Trans individuals is well documented and it would be begging for trouble for them to use the bathroom of their birth sex.
Your analogy between trans people using the appropriate bathroom and rapists using it as a cover is also wholly without logic. One is about going to the bathroom to void themselves. The other is about sexual assault. If a potential rapist is going to stalk women in the washroom, he’s going to want to go in, commit his assault and get the heck out before the police arrive right? So which is less conspicuous and makes for an easier get away? The guy in jeans and a t-shirt who blends into the crowd or the one in a dress, high heels and a full beard who gets noticed and laughed at everywhere he goes?
Refusing to recognize certain groups’ rights will not keep women any safer in the bathroom, however working towards equality and against violence against women will.