Life Without Pockets
Arial has been a vocal advocate and peer counselor for the Trans communityfor almost 10 years, providing support, counseling and advocacy to her community as well as pushing the medical community to provide an acceptable level of service to her community. Today, she works as a training facilitator/policy analyst for the Finan Diversity Group in Toronto and is also a columnist for OUTWords.
I was just sitting here working on a presentation I’m giving at the Diversity in the Workplace Conference when it struck me yet again that people are so hung up on bathrooms and which one to use. Whenever we have to do training where someone is transitioning on the job, one of the first questions is always “Which bathroom are they going to use?” The answer is simple. The correct one for them. ie: if they identify as a woman, then they’re going to use the women’s bathroom and vis versa.
This then leads to a lot of foot shuffling and uncomfortable mutters about not wanting to have a “guy” in the women’s bathroom and if asked, most people think that’s a fair objection. And then we ask “Why?”
Two basic arguements always come forward.
(a) Trans people should use a gender neutral bathroom and not ours because they’re different. ie. the MTF’s may still have a penis and our bathroom is definately a no-penis zone!
(b) What if this whole transition thing is just a cover for a guy who wants to use it as an excuse for cheap thrills or because he wants to attack us in the women’s bathroom.
When we hear these arguements, we take them seriously, not only because they’re honestly felt emotions but also because we want to help everyone understand what’s going on so that the person transitioning has the most supportive environment possible and work disruption is minimized. So what do we say? Well, we start off by asking somewhat retorically if they’re already doing penis checks at the bathroom door? After all, for all they know, there could already be people with penises using the women’s bathroom and maybe nobody knows! This usually gets a few giggles and helps break the tension a bit which then allows us to ask the serious question of why people go to the bathroom? The inevitable answer is to void themselves and wash their hands to which we are able to explain that Trans people go to the bathroom for exactly the same reasons! That may sound smug or maybe a bit dismissive of people’s fears but really, when you sit down and think about it rationally, if we’re all just going into a bathroom, closing and locking a stall door and voiding ourselves, then what does it matter what ANYONE’S genitalia looks like? And if it matters so much then why? Are we really that uncomfortable with our bodies? Is it truly reasonable to force a person to have to go to a different floor or part of the factory or sometimes even a whole other building so that they can sit down to void themselves because you are fixated on their genitalia? At the end of the day, is it really any of your business? Not really if you think about it.
Which then leads us to the second and more emotionally charged objection – perverts and rapists. The arguement goes that we can’t allow Trans individuals to use the correct washroom at work or in public because they could be using the whole Trans thing as a trick to gain access to women’s bathrooms and assault them. Sounds scary, doesn’t it? And it is… but again… take a minute to think about it rationally. Sexual assault is all about power. Do you really think that a sexual predator would put on a dress and then go out in public like that to assault someone? Not on your life! And really, if they wanted attack someone in a women’s bathroom, do you realistically think that the sign on a door is going to dissuade them so much that they pretend to be a woman in public? Not very likely. And if they do… there are laws to protect us from such situations. Laws that don’t rest on what everyone’s genitalia looks like but rather on the actions of the person/people involved.
So please think of this the next time you want to sneer or police the bathroom because you think someone isn’t a real “man” or “woman”. We’re all just there to go about our business, the same as everyone else. Just leave us be.
I’ve been thinking about what to write on this for a few days now. Actually, ever since my friend Shannon was denied service at Lu’s Pharmacy because she was Trans.
For those who don’t know, Lu’s Pharmacy in Vancouver is North America’s first ”women only” pharmacy and was opened this week by the Vancouver Women’s Health Collective to fill prescriptions for women in the Downtown Eastside in a safer, more inviting environment than was available elsewhere in the area.
My issue, and I think I’m in good company on this, is that they happen to have a strict “women born women” policy with regards to their customers. In other words, no Trans women allowed. Or at least the ones that don’t pass staff scrutiny.
Need a prescription filled? Sorry… no… we don’t serve “you people” here. Please go elsewhere and don’t kick up a fuss, OK? We second class citizens need to stand a little taller by metting out some of our own oppression.
I know that’s not what they’re doing but it sure feels like it. Trans people having been fighting for years for the simple dignity of being treated like everyone else and all too often that seems to be too much to ask for some reason. In my own personal case, I was denied medical service simply because I was Trans and after 6 years at Ontario Human Rights, I lost my case not because it was right that I was discriminated against but because I couldn’t find a doctor who would testify against a peer.
It just irks the hell out of me that organizations who know nothing about Trans issues or realities can specifically set blatantly discriminatory policies against us and tell us it’s their right. Were separate bathrooms and water fountains for Blacks and Whites OK too?
They smiled at Shannon and wished her a good day as they turned her away to go to one of the local pharmacies that are all set up like Fort Knox because they dispese methadone to drug addicts. Is this looking after women’s health? Is this providing a safe and courteous service to the community? Somehow I don’t think so.
Oh… and as a kicker.. this is the same organization who argued in the Kimberly Nixon case some years ago that Trans women were not actually women and didn’t deserve protection under BC’s Human Rights Act.
Un-fucking-believable.
Pride at Toronto City Hall
Well, it’s that time of the season again and like most other people in the LGBT community, it’s been crazy mad with all of the parties and receptions and just general mayhem!! :)
Last night’s Trans march was a definate highlight though. The route may not have been long but we were many and we were strong! Hundreds, perhaps a thousand of us and our allies marched in a strong show of support for Trans equality and rights, calling out for inclusion in our Human Rights Acts, access to health care and sometimes just in support of our brethern and loved ones. Whatever the reason, I think it was a certain coming of age for our community. A milestone that says that we have arrived in our own right and don’t need to ride others’ shirt tails and to that I say BRAVO!
If there was ever any question that transgender/transsexual people are gaining more and more prominence everyday, the Miami Herald is reporting that Sonny and Cher’s only child has come out publicly to confirm that he is transitioning!
I always wondered why I’d had a crush on him all of these years. 
As far as I’m really aware this is only the second relatively “high profile” person to transition to transition in the last number of years (the other being Lana Wachowski, one of the Wachowski Brothers from Matrix fame.)
Transition is hard enough as it is without the added scrutinty of being relatively well known so I send out major kudos to Cher’s son for having the strength to go down this difficult road.
Lot’s of hugs and support,
Arial
Argh… Amongst the wildly hectic world that is the lead up to Pride in Toronto, my mind keeps coming back to an issue that’s very popular in the Trans community right now - should Gender Identity be included as a protected ground in the Ontario Human Rights Code?
Now, for those of you who are not totally up on Trans rights and politics, transsexual and transgender people are one of a series of marginalized groups who are not specifically covered by the the Ontario Human Rights Code. Instead, we’re protected under an OHRC policy interpretation that says that discrimination against a Trans or gender variant person is discrimination on the basis of sex.
The up side of inclusion:
Having gender identity included in our Human Rights Act would send a clear message to everyone that Trans people are valued and discrimination against them wil not be tolerated. Likewise, it will also be a meaningful sign to those who are struggling with GD and GID that society recognizes and values them, something that way too many Trans people continue to struggle with, particularly before they fully come to terms with their inner selves. Oh, and we also can’t forget that specific inclusion would also help bolster our case for services and appropriate medical care. These are all really great things and there are some wonderful people working towards making that a reality. However…
The downside of inclusion:
“Gender Identity” is a very specific term that applies to only a portion of the whole Trans community. Crossdressers, gender queers and many other people are, by its very definition, totally excluded from this protection, leaving them feeling left behind or seeking protection under other grounds of the Act. And what about people who identify as Two Spirit or those who come from cultures where the term Gender Identity has no meaning?
I was dumbfounded one day to find out that French language speakers (Canada’s other official language) have no word or concept for gender identity as most people would define it. By pressing for its inclusion in our Human Rights Act, are we forcing others to be defined by our narrow doctrines of what does or does not qualify as Trans? Is that not exactly what so many of us rail against every day? Just to be ourselves?
I’m honestly not sure what the right answer is and the debate goes way beyond my space limitations here but in my soul, it is my belief that because of our history and struggles, we must accept the challenge to be inclusive of all and work hard not to marginalize those who have no voice because that’s what we ask for ourselves.
It came up a few weeks ago and then again last week while I was doing training at the Ontario Human Rights Commission. How do I identify? Umm… white, privileged, feminist, female… And they look at me blankly and say “No. You’re trans, right?” And I say, well, no actually. At least not any more.
You see, to be “trans” is to be crossing something, whether it’s gender norms or sex or whatever but I’m no longer crossing anything and haven’t for years now. I’m simply a woman, as complicated and simple as that can be but that boggles people’s mind for some reason so I usually ask them a question. If you’d had a major medical issue in your past and you’d dealt with it, would you go around identifying yourself as that? For example, would you say to new people you met “Hi I’m Susan and I’m a cancer survivor”. Of course not. People would wonder why she’s bringing that up. Similarly, if you were going to possibly date her, wouldn’t you think it weird that she might bring something like that up on a first date? Probably better to wait and get comfortable with each other, right? So why do we expect trans individuals or people with a trans history to do just that?
I neither see my transition as either a badge of honour or a stain upon my personhood. I’m simply a woman who had a medical problem and took the prescribed medical treatment to deal with it just like anyone else with a serious medical issue. But for some reason MY medical history is extremely relevant to strangers and potential girlfriends alike from the moment I meet them because to not do so is deceitful. Why?? If Susan doesn’t have to talk about her struggle wtih cancer until she’s ready, then why do trans people?
Non-close friends are one thing… particularly when they happen to find out after I’ve known them for a couple of years. They laugh and congratulate me on passing so well and they “never would have known!” Like I’ve pulled a great prank on them. Funny, I’m just me and have been me for a long time! I don’t feel that I live a lie because I don’t talk about having been trans at one point. It’s all ancient history most of the time but if it comes up then it comes up and if it doesn’t, then it doesn’t. I neither lie nor evade. I’m just me.
And then there are the people you date. I always tell them early on when I think things may be going somewhere. At least they have the decency to not say ”but you’re not a real woman” anymore. Apparently it’s OK to think it but not to say it out loud, so instead they say things like “but you used to be a guy, right?” or “but you were born a guy” as if saying it that way makes it so much better. A baseball bat to the head still hurts even if you say “sorry” first. Much better that I should have said something immediately so that they didn’t “waste their time when I knew it was doomed from the start”. So much better to say Hi, my name is Arial and I’m a trans woman, even though I’m not and let them avoid the uncomfortable feeling of actually liking you as someone they’d like to date and then be confronted by the fact that they would never, ever date a trans person.
We’re all human beings with a lifetime of experience we carry around. Some of it’s good, some bad, and some is inconsequential but all of it’s our personal history and our story to tell when we feel ready and comfortable. Unfortunately some days I just wish more people recognized that.
I was just here plugging away at some work-related stuff and thought that I’d take a minute let everyone know that come Thursday of this week, I will be taking my next step on the long road to media whore-dom. That’s right! From 3:00 till 7:00 pm I will be facing the daunting challenge of trying to become Shaun Proulx’s Next Top Intern on Proud FM!! 
This is definitely going to be a bit of a departure for me as I’m usually more of a facilitator/writer/administrator however, I’ve been listening to Proud FM since the very begining when it was only a test signal and love their eclectic musical mix along with their cast of on air personalities, so fasten your seatbelt as we skip down the Yellow Brick Road to see Shaun and Mr. Wigmore. The competition may be fierce but this lovely beauty had “umph” to offer and I’m looking forward to a grand adventure!
Yup… that’s me up there. Arial, the Littlest Mermaid… no wait… Sinclair! Arial Sinclair!
You’ll have to forgive me for getting confused. You see, much like Ms. Ariel, I’m also well proportioned with flowing locks of red hair and sparkling blue eye shadow. I just don’t have a fish tail, although like my namesake, I’ve been through my own transformation. You see, I’m a woman with a transsexual history.
Now I know what you’re thinking. There are lots of trans guys and women out there now and maybe it’s not such a big deal anymore. Join most any group or go out on Church St most Saturday nights and you’ll see at least a couple of trans people. I’m different though and it has nothing to do with my involvement with large sums of money, a doctor and a cuisinart! You see… I’m the person who just walked by you in the street or sat beside you in the movie theatre. I’m just a woman. Once you get past the whole binary gender construct and just start seeing people as people instead of someone with this set of genitals or that set, you realize that there are an infinite number of points on the gender spectrum. Some of us are comfortable with where we are and others have found or are in the process of finding their own spot. And all are equal and all deserve our respect. My place is that of a woman who had a medical issue some years ago, dealt with it and moved on, however I still remember how incredibly hard it was to be trans. The struggles, the fear and the shame.
So now I try to make the world a better place for everyone, including trans individuals by working as a diversity trainer, community activist and columnist.
Looking forward, I think you’ll find this blog to be a place where I do some education around trans issues, talk about the challenges of transition, particularly in a VERY corporate environment and some of the negotiations I struggle with as I try to maintain my personal privacy around trans while still trying to make it easier for those coming behind me.
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