The scene has become a classic in my life. A gay guy eyes me from the other end of the room. He gets closer and let his intentions known in no uncertain terms. Unfortunately for him, I don’t have a set time to disclose my medical history. There are many factors at play for me, such as safety, worry about the power of the rumour mill and how the revelation will be received, sometimes along with a dread that I even have to contextualize my body. Least I forget that like many people, I’d like someone to get to know me for who I am before they slip into the easier role to dismiss me because of my body. But if I’ve decided I’d like to go there, I disclose.

“But… I’m gay!”

Indeed, I had caught on. Let’s recap. You’re a guy who cruised another guy and you hit on him. Yes, I’m fairly certain that qualifies you as gay or bi. Do you feel better already? You are definitively into men. I hope you found some reassurance while you ignored your transphobia. Goodness knows I’m the one whose entire manhood has just been invalidated, sex appeal revoked and positioned as a threat by the mere virtue of being able to navigate your space without being readily identifiable as you need me to be (that is, as something other than what I am, a man, since the memo that was evident to you before I disclosed was not only lost but destroy virtually instantly thereafter.)

Bitter? Sadly, no since I take the time to reassure you about your sexuality even as you dismissed mine. Some consider this an educational moment but to me it’s internalized transphobia at its finest.

Not tonight, no, as I am prone to from time to time, I left the guy to fester in his analysis. Yes, you hit on a transguy because you correctly recognized him as a guy. If you no longer feel the latter is true, it is not my job to confirm that fallacy for the sake of your insecurity. My number one turn on is confidence, you have little.

It’s you, not me.

**about the picture for this entry** It’s not just cis-gay men that can have difficulty around their attraction to transguys, this is something they share with many cis-straight women. That picture is from a Seventeen magazine article that is simultaneously terrible journalism and horrendously transphobic.