To my parents’ credit I was able to dress and interact with the world through out my childhood similarly as I do now. They taught me growing up that anyone could do whatever they wanted in terms of hobby and job regardless of their sex. Why than, my mother asked, did I transition? I did because of that inconvenient or troubling phenomenon so often denied, overlooked or dismissed: dysphoria.

Dysphoria (what some call gender dysphoria) has little to do with one’s interactions with others or how well someone passes when dressed in public (also known as “full time” in certain circles.) It has to do with one’s discomfort with one’s own specific body parts and their functions. Certainly, other’s interaction with our bodies can trigger or increase one’s dysphoria but it is not a pre-requisite to experience it.

There are common sources of strife among transmen (and other trans folks with similar identities) but it is the specific triggers of dysphoria, which will change the required modifications, if any, that each of us needs to do to our bodies.

I’ll give an example based on my own history that disrupts the notion that the point of my transition was to pass (better.)  Only two gynecologists saw my reproductive system. By the time I had it removed, I had been stealth for a few years; if anything, having the surgery could have impeded my ability to live as a man had my insurance let my employer know which surgery I had. Yet, when I woke up from my hysterectomy and oopherectomy, I felt a tremendous weight come off my shoulders. Nothing about my gender identity had changed but a considerable amount of anxiety tied to my gonads left along with them.

This does not mean that all transmen are or should be disturbed by their reproductive systems and want them removed. I share this instead in the hopes that it’s helped explain why it is essential to me to separate gender (identity) from sex. Certain trans men will have experienced something similar while others will be indifferent towards their reproductive systems and others still will have no personal difficulties (transphobic health practitioners being beyond our control) using it. No two trans people have the same dysphoria. Amounts of dysphoria or its triggers are no indication of who is “more” female/male and/or “more” trans.

My sex is male regardless of my body. I transitioned medically to address the sources of dysphoria I have been unable to compromise on or appease via other means. This does not change whether dysphoria is caused by nurture, nature, a combination of the two or something else entirely. What caused it does not alter its reality nor does knowing its origin necessarily offer insight into the best way to address it (e.g. nature with medical intervention, nurture with nurture, etc.)