Feb
18
So, I’ve had an interesting few weeks since my last post.
I had a boyfriend for just over two weeks. I broke it off Monday night. Didn’t want to do it on Valentines. I’m not that big a bitch. Well I am, but he was different.
What saddens me about the whole situation is that I could see myself with the guy down the road. The timing was just all wrong. We both made mistakes early on. My mistake was dating a flight attendant. At first, it seemed fun. We wanted the same things, had a great connection. We talked about going on vacations and travelling. I was content. I soon realized it was not the best occupation to have when you decide to start a relationship. I would go 4-5 days without seeing him. As a Scorpio, that doesnt sit well with me. I need to have a lover who is close by. Lets face it: scorpios are horny 24/7! He has done drag a few times, so he didn’t have a problem with dating a drag queen. However, there were a few lessons he had to learn. The same ones I’ve had to teach a few others before him. Thinking about it, I’ve decided to share these with you in case you one day find yourself madly in love with a queen on the scene. Here’s a few helpful tips! Kisses!
Tip 1: Don’t think you’re dating a woman. You’re dating a boy. We don’t live as women. The ones that do are called transexuals. They don’t perform on stages, just Homewood and Maitland. You’ll be dating a guy, and a lot of times we’re more masculine than you! I know more drag queens who are tops than bottoms. Just sayin’!
Tip 2: If you’re going to try on wigs, ask first. Nothing I hate more than walking in on someone wearing one of my best and looking like a mess with no dress. The Sherbourne Health Centre is down the street, honey.
Tip 3: Don’t be clingy. If you go out on the town with a queen and they’re popular or well-known, anticipate that people are going to come up to them and talk to them. Don’t get jealous and protective. Its cute in small doses, but ODing is not the way to go.
Tip 4: If you say ‘I’m coming to your show’, SHOW UP! Don’t text them at midnight telling them you’re in Montreal! That example might be a little personal. Oh well. Anyways, if you say you’re going to come to a show, be there. Sometimes queens have a rough night. After all, we’re underpaid and underappreciated in Toronto. Its always nice to have that smiling, familar face in the crowd to keep our spirits high.
Tip 5: Don’t call us by our drag names when we’re boys. Nothing I hate more than a guy introducing me to his friends as Heroine Marks. When you do that, you just come off as a star fucker.
Tip 6: Don’t expect us to always pay your tab at the end of the night with our show fee. I don’t have ATM written on my forehead, do I? Oh I do. How did that get there? I, personally, don’t mind once in a blue moon, especially if I’ve made tips that night. But if it becomes a weekly routine, I’ll escort you to the door. See ya!
Tip 7: Once in awhile, it wouldn’t kill you to carry our suitcases. Its very sweet and any queen walking to a gig in heels will thank you. After all, you’re not being paid to just stand there and look pretty. I am, so get a wheelin’, Mary!
Tip 8: Tip us! It gets the ball rolling. Wink wink.
That is all for now! Hopefully I didn’t scare anyone off from dating queens. We’re really nice people under all the layers. Well most of us.
Until next time…
With love and venom,
Heroine Marks
Ps. Come see me perform at Fierce Fridays every Friday night at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street). Show starts at 9pm with myself and the fabulous Miss Conception! See you there, sweeties!
Jersey Shore has become a cultural phenomenon. If you haven’t seen the MTV reality show, I must ask this question: what’s wrong with you? If you love trash television as much as I do, you will fall in love with this show in the first minute! Here’s a quick synopsis. MTV put four guidos(young Italian men) and four guidettes(young Italian girls) in a house on Jersey Shore this past summer. In order to live, party, and find fuck buddies in Jersey Shore, the tanorexic kids must work at their landlords store. Heres the real synopsis: drunk 20 somethings with poor grammar looking to fuck.
One of the biggest criticisms the show has received is that it stereotypes Italians in a negative light. As an Italian myself, I could be offended by the stereotypes (tanned skin, hair gel, and fist pumping), but they originate from truth. Watching this show reminds me of my four years of high school. I was a guido at one point. Thankfully those days are over. My hair can breathe these days. Now, there is a whole new generation of guidos and guidettes out there and frankly they love the lifestyle! If they love it and see no problem with it, why should anyone else? I, frankly, can’t get enough of the trashy antics and are sadden that the show’s final episode airs Thursday night. Hopefully Snooki gets a spin off. PS. HERE IS A LINK TO A VIDEO YOUTUBE REMOVED THAT I ORIGINALLY HAD IN THIS POST. ENJOY! http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4d2ebc8f52/alyssa-milano-s-evolution-jersey-shore
On the subject of TV, did anyone see the episode of The View last week when the ladies had a sexual health doctor on explaining the G spot? I have never seen Barbara so focused on an interview subject. She was leaning in, listening closely. You just know she was on the verge of screaming ‘WHERE IS IT?!’ Too much!
Be sure to come check out Fierce Fridays this week at 9pm at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street) with myself and my drag mother, Miss Conception. We always have a fabulous time, so join in on all the fun!
Over at Zelda’s we also have a new Saturday night show starting Jan 30th called Spray Cheese Saturdays at 9pm. Its a drag show, game show, and talk show all rolled into one! It’s hosted by a new queen named Visa DeCline, a heavily medicated, botox happy socialite who is now broke and stuck hosting drag shows to make money. Every week she’ll invite queens from the street to come in and take on new names, personas, and set lists! This will be drag like you’ve never seen it before! So be sure to reserve your seat now!
Until next time…
With love and venom,
Heroine Marks
xoxo
Jan
03
It is the 3rd day of 2010, and I have not had a full day of sobriety. Kind of sad, isn’t it? My liver must hate me, but that’s what happens when New Year’s falls on a day before the weekend.
I’ve made some resolutions for the New Year. My main goal is to lose approximately 30 lbs. Starting tomorrow I’ll be hitting the gym for what I’m calling ‘Honey, they shrunk the drag queen.’ I’ll keep you guys up-to-date with my weight loss and if you want to see this shrinking drag queen, you can come check me out every Friday night with Miss Conception for Fierce Fridays at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street).
My other resolution for the New Year is to focus on me. 2009 was a rough year. I lost a parent, I was used, I had my heartbroken more than once. Although I achieved some professional goals, I found myself becoming very bitter and negative. Mainly, I lost trust in people and began to question who my true friends are. I was so focused on pleasing other people and worrying about what was thought about me, that I lost sight of what I WANT. Well, that’s all going to change. It’s a new year and a fresh start. 2010 is the year of me. Stay tuned.
With love and venom,
Heroine Marks
I’m writing this post the only way I know how. Hung over.
Last night I had a fabulous evening performing at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street) with the legendary Terri Stevens. We had a table of 15 in the front row who were celebrating their graduation from make-up school. I’ve never felt more judged in my life, and I grew up with an Italian mother. Well, that’s not true. When I purchased the Sarah Palin memoirs, I received some stares from the cashiers. But, that’s a story for another day.
It’s hard to believe that Christmas is less than a week away. I feel as though I’m lacking in Christmas spirit. I think the absense of snow on the ground has a lot to do with this. The way global warming is taking affect, Pride will soon be a winter wonderland. I haven’t even started my Christmas shopping. Hope my sister likes Dollarama nic nacs!
I decorated my tree in the hopes that it would help me get into the season of giving(head). Rather than putting an angel or star of David on the top of my tree, I decided to do things a little differently. I stuck a tiara on top that flashes ‘Bitch’. I had to give it the Heroine Marks treatment afterall.
I bought myself an early Christmas gift this week. Two tickets to go see Joan Rivers live! I’m so excited. I want to see her before she either dies or has her face stretched to the point where her eyes become her ears. By now, I can only assume clothes pins are back there keeping everything together. My seats are in row 12. I could have purchased row 6-8, but I was worried the lights would be harsh and I hate the smell of burning plastic. At least in row 12 there is enough of a distance.
Here’s a funny story courtesy of our friends at Canada Post. I opened my mailbox yesterday morning and found a piece of mail for my former roommate. He was Jewish and very religious. He had plates that were for meat only and others that could only be used for dairy products. I use to tell him ‘Just have a BLT and shut it!’ He moved out shortly after. The envelope that came in the mail was marked ‘United Jewish Association’. Well, didn’t Canada Post stamp ‘Merry Christmas’ right on the front of it? Sinfully delicious!
Tonight I’ll be working upstairs at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street) during what Lena Over is calling her final Cheap Show. Be sure to come check out the show and stay for dinner and drinks! Sunday evening I’ll also be working and performing upstairs during the Christmas edition of the Window Show with Bunny LeBlanc and Bitch Diva(Virgina Richmond is sick, unfortunately). It is going to be a fabulous weekend of events at Zelda’s Living Well, so be sure to join in on the fun! See you there, sweeties!
With love and venom,
Heroine Marks
xoxo
Dec
14
For those of you who didn’t know, a drag legend returned to Church Street last night in a big way. Scarlett Fever made a return to the Woody’s stage Sunday evening to compete against 13 other queens for the title of Smirnoff Czarina 2010. With no surprise, Scarlett won the title beating queens old and new. I’m very excited that she has returned. I’m hoping to chat with her soon about her victory and comeback. Stay tuned.
Speaking about the return of legends, this Friday at Zelda’s Living Well(692 Yonge Street) I welcome the one and only Terri Stevens as my special guest co-host for Fierce Fridays. We’re planning some Reba and Kelly Clarkson(which is easy for me, since Kelly is fat now). It is sure to be a fun evening, full of laughs. I’m also excited to introduce my lil drag sister to the stage, D’Manda Tension. We have some fabulous duets prepared so be sure to come check out the twisted sisters at 9pm!
Here’s some exciting news! Cassandra Moore will be getting a new weekly show at The Barn in the New Year. Glad to see a new queen getting recognized with her own show. Hope this is a new trend for 2010. There are too many bad queens on Church Street parading around with their tired acts and fried wigs. Is it really hard to learn something that is on the radio now and not from 15 years ago? Hell, is it really hard to know your words or even do more than just stand in the middle of the stage? This, in no way, is my attempt at discrediting the trailblazers and queens before me. Nevertheless, the queens that will always be remembered are the ones who knew when to quit when they were on top. If you’re a queen who is only doing drag for the booze, hang up your heels. If learning a new song, restocking your drag room, or putting together a character look is too much for you, get out of the business. You’re taking up space for the next generation who have something to offer and are being overlooked. Call me a bitch if you want. I call myself one every day!
With love and venom,
Heroine Marks
xoxo
Dec
09
I woke up this morning and logged onto Facebook, as I normally do. Its my morning ritual. Some people have coffee, I have friend requests. I was greeted with a message from the people at Facebook that stated there were new privacy features that could restrict who sees what on my profile. To be completely honest, I don’t need these features. I screen people myself when they try and add me as a friend. I’m not a size queen who worries about collecting people and calling them my friends. If I know you, I’ll accept you. If I have no clue who you are, I chalk you up as a tranny chaser and give you a big ol fat decline. Simple as that. What concerns me about Facebook is the fact that I had one of my photos stolen from my boy account. Someone by the name of Fener Cilgin copied the small thumbnail image of my display pic and is using it as his display picture. I was enraged when I saw it. It is identity theft to the extreme. I reported it to Facebook and the guy’s profile has still not been deleted. I submitted 3 complaints and yet there is my beautiful Italian boy face being used for what I can assume is some 40 year old Swedish guy’s profile. So, being the bitch that I am, I added him under my Heroine Marks drag Facebook account. Still waiting on a response. Lets just say, if he accepts me he’s in for it.
Another thing about Facebook. Did you know they have employees and branches all over the world? A friend of mine just moved to Germany to work for the branch located there. Doesn’t working for Facebook defeat the purpose of working? How else are you going to be distracted? Do Facebook employees get a Twitter account to put off doing their work? Just something to think about.
Not sure if you’ve heard the news, but apparently Pride week is being pushed back a week due to the G8 summit. I think I just heard a million livers scream with joy at the exact same time. Or maybe that was just the Mexican I had for dinner. Not sure. Anyways, the police will be needed for security during the summit and will not be able to do both the summit and gay-a-palozza! Good thing. If there were no cops during Pride, there would be a whole lot of bitch slapping going on. “You drank the last Rev, biatch!” *slap slap*
With love and venom,
Heroine Marks
xoxo
Dec
08
- “Did you hear? Heroine Marks is really a dude!”
Gossip. Its a small word that packs a punch. Its the highlight of parties and has become a form of entertainment for people tired of their mundane lives. People like being the first to spread a tidbit, whether it holds a grain of truth or is a big fat lie. Unfortunately, in the gay community, I think people automatically take gossip and rumours as stone cold facts.
When Zelda’s first closed on Church Street, my inbox was flooded with questions from concerned homos. They all didn’t think it would reopen and didn’t see it working on Yonge. They also told me ‘rumours’ they had heard from the street. They were laughable at best. A month later, the people who were messaging me are now enjoying a good ol’ Bitch Slap in the new upstairs show room of 692 Yonge Street. The rumours were put to a rest and life goes on. Zelda is settled into her new home and I couldn’t be more thrilled with the move.
At Woody’s this past Friday, I ran into several old friends I hadn’t seen in awhile. Almost immediately, I was asked questions about what’s moving into the old Zelda’s location. As if I know? I’m not the landlord. So, I told them I had “no clue. For all we know, a McDonald’s could move in there.”
Monday evening, on my way home from seeing a screening of ‘A Single Man’(great film, but my neck still hurts from sitting in the second row) I stopped by Zelda’s to see my co-workers and have a late night drink. While there, my friend and co-worker Chris V mentioned that he had heard from several people that night that a McDonald’s was moving into the old Zelda’s location. Suddenly I felt I had started a really bad game of ‘Telephone’, where what you say changes as it passes through each person’s ear. Ridiculous. That’s the only word I can think of for the whole situation.
On the topic of rumours and gossip, allegedly a Facebook group called ‘The New Crews & Tango’ has been created and is creating quite a stir online. I checked out the page and didn’t find a date for a relaunch. Rather than just accepting what I see on Facebook, I did a little digging and messaged the promoter who has been sending messages to members and offering drag queens shows. I offered to conduct an interview with him through this blog to discuss the plans for the new Crews and clear up any rumours and questions people have. However, my pitch was declined. He said an interview is premature, but could be possible in the future. Oh well. I tried.
Until next time, Happy Gossiping!
With love and venom,
Heroine Marks
xoxo
Last night I attended my first Christmas party of the season. I had a blast schmoozing with so many characters from the Church Street scene. The food seemed never-ending. Even my Italian grandmother would have said, ‘This is a bit excessive.” As usual, a drag queen was a little schmammered. Or maybe it was jet lag? (Don’t worry Gurl, egg nog gets me too.)
One of the highlights of my night was watching local photographer David Hawe walk around with his digital camera, snapping photos of people so that he could later strategically photoshop angry cats and peopleofwalmart.com into the background. If you have no clue what I am referring to, I suggest you have a look at his Coronation photos from this past year on his Facebook. They are HILARIOUS! The man is a genius.
Before the party, I went to see my drag mother, Miss Conception wow the crowd during her Stage to Screen show (Woody’s, 6pm). This week she opened with an outstanding Liza set, followed by an homage to Shirley Temple and Baby Jane. She is truly an unstoppable force on Church Street. Week after week, she packs them in. Why? Because her shows are new and fresh every Sunday. In my opinion, her show is better than cable. She has more talent in her pinky than a lot of queens have had in their 20 something year careers. If you haven’t checked out Miss Conception’s Stage to Screen show, head on down to Woody’s this Sunday.
So, I’m fat. I’ll give you a moment to let it sink in. I know, it shocked me too, but I am a big girl. I’ve decided I’m going to lose weight for Christmas and the New Year, and to keep myself motivated I will be doing it publicly through this blog. I plan on approaching a few gyms in the area and talking to them about possible sponsorship for what I’m calling ‘Honey, they shrunk the drag queen’. If you own a gym and are interested in a drag queen spokesmodel, give me a shout. heroinemarks@hotmail.com.
Tonight I’m heading on down to The Varsity to see a VIP screening of Tom Ford’s ‘A Single Man’. Unfortunately, everyone I’ve asked is busy. So, I’m going alone. How ironic and a tad bit depressing. Oh well. Until next time…
With love and venom,
Heroine Marks
xoxo
Dec
02
The bitch is back…and I’m taking names.
Welcome to ‘My life on the Drag list’, the newest blog to hit the GGT family. As readers have noticed, I’ve been absent for quite sometime. I’d love to say I was in Malawi adopting children to sew my dresses, but its hard to teach 2 year olds how to double stitch. Believe me, I’ve tried. Don’t even get me started on zippers… I’m thrilled to be back, ranting and raving about pop culture, people who I love and hate, and the craziness that life has thrown me since slapping on a wig.
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"Yo, ma', pick up some Huggies. Aiiight?"
As a 22 year old, I feel confident when I say that we are in a world where communication no longer exists. We have technology that is suppose to strengthen our abilities to interact, but what we fail to realize is that it is actually killing communication. My generation no longer understands how to have a face to face conversation. We’re too busy texting, using our iPods and iPhones, and walking around talking with ear pieces that make us look like we belong in a mental institution. I was sitting in Woody’s on Sunday evening. I scanned the room and noticed that everyone seemed to be holding a beer and their phones. A table of four sat around a high top table. Four people and they were silent. Why? Because they were busy texting people who weren’t even in the bar. I found myself guilty of it too. Instantly, I turned off my phone. I ventured to the smoking patio and found more and more cellular culprits. A full smoking patio and people were texting or checking their e-mails. With my phone turned off and in my pocket, I stood out like a Black guy at a KKK meeting. Extreme example, but it works. Luckily, I was able to strike up a conversation with someone who was also hands free of their cell. I probably would not have met or even conversed with this person had I been on my phone. Jump to today. I woke up early to go meet the newest couple to be featured in my fab Magazine together column. They’re an older couple, but they were more full of life than most of my friends. Usually when I go to meet these couples its a quick photo and I’m in and out. My phone vibrates and I have friends texting me asking to meet them for coffee, lunch or dinner. I thank the couple for taking part and make my exit. Today, however, without realizing it, my phone was off. After taking the photo, they offered me a cup of tea. I ended up spending 2 hours in their living room, learning about these men and their experiences in life. We looked through their wedding album, talked about So You Think You Can Dance, and discussed George Smitherman’s run for mayor. They offered me wisdom and what I can expect as a young gay male living in the Village. It was an eye opening experience and when leaving I felt a satisfaction. I had made two new friends who I may not have given the time or day to sit and talk with because of cell phone distractions. When I left their home, I turned my phone on. I had 2 missed calls and 4 text messages waiting for me. I smirked as I rode the elevator down 12 floors.
Try it for yourself. The next time you’re out and about with friends, turn off your phones. Put the electronic devices away. You’ll be surprised by who you meet and the new characters you can add to the next chapter in your life.
With love and venom,
Heroine Marks
xoxo
The bitch is back…and I’m taking names.
Welcome to ‘My life on the Drag list’, the newest blog to hit the GGT family. As readers have noticed, I’ve been absent for quite sometime. I’d love to say I was in Malawi adopting children to sew my dresses, but its hard to teach 2 year olds how to double stitch. Believe me, I’ve tried. Don’t even get me started on zippers… I’m thrilled to be back, ranting and raving about pop culture, people who I love and hate, and the craziness that life has thrown me since slapping on a wig. Think of this as your own personal tour into the world of high heels, and cat fights, with just a dash of popular culture for kicks. You’ll learn about trail blazers in our community, meet the people in my life who I value the most, and of course have your daily dose of ‘View’ antics(PS. can we force Barbara Walters to retire?) This will be no holds barred. Anything goes. No one and nothing is off limits. Strap on your seatbelts, kiddies, and use the washroom now. There are no pee breaks on this ride. xoxo
Heroine Marks
