Last week or so, I posted one of my posts and Partick Marano (Eddie Stone) posted it on Facebook asking the question: “Could you handle a poly-amorous relationship?” One of his friends replied that he could not as he would be jealous. I happened upon it and thought to myself Huh? I guess I need to address this and I did with the response “I thought we had a choice to act on our feelings or not.”
Allow me to clarify. For me, feelings are just messages that our body sends to us. Same thing with our thoughts. Reality is, our thoughts and feelings are designed, just to keep us safe.
Here is the secret. If their is no real threat then, WE DON’T HAVE TO BELIEVE EITHER OR THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS. Nor do we have to act upon them. I did a lot of personal work on jealousy. I use to be the jealous type. Usually my relationships ended badly, not the result I wanted. I had to change.
I learned that jealousy was the desire to be the object of my jealousy. I don’t want to be anyone other than myself. The message became what do I need to change within myself? This is the work of any relationship. Relationships with others are really about having a relationship with yourself. We can choose to act on the feelings and thoughts that we cannot control (we are stuck with them) or we can choose to learn the lessons they present to us.
In one of my last posts I did hint at the thought of theses feelings. It’s not that I don’t have them. I am human and feelings and thoughts happen all day long. In that post I discussed “allowing”. It’s the simple act of not attaching any meaning to the events, feelings, and thoughts that go on all the time. Allowing, is saying to myself that “I know that this situation is in my life to make me a better person and I am choosing to sit back and watch without judgment to see where it takes me.” And this has led me to love two at the same time.
