Aghhhh! I have a huge weight on my shoulders and I’m not really sure who I should tell in order to get it off. You see about 8 weeks ago I received some rather shocking photos of my partners mother who has been an alcoholic for over 20 years. These photos were not very flattering. Err too bloody for such a sensitive viewership. Fact is she fell down the stairs 3 times breaking every bone you can imagine. She does not remember much of that event.
A few days later we received a telephone call stating that my partners Mother has admitted herself into detox. Knowing the full extent of what has been happening over the past 5 years and not being a stranger to addiction, I offered to have her in our home to aid her in her recovery 3 days in, she was at my door.
When my Mother-in-law arrived she could not walk, smoke a cigarette, take a bath, or feed herself. She had been drinking a 26 oz bottle of Vodka per day not to mention the 6 – 10 Lorazipam, the 4 Diazapam, 2 Oxazipam, the Tylonol 3′s, the 10 Gravols that were “helping” her with stomach pains. (Gravol around the 10 pill mark per day will cause hallucinations) and all of her other symptomatic solutions that came in the form of bottles from the pharmacy, some of them legitimate some of them not so legitimate. Needless to say she does not recall the first 3 weeks of her stay.
All I can say is that I am so proud of how far she has come, everything is gone but 2 lorazipams spaced through the day and 2 oxzaipams to help her sleep. Next week we change the sleeping meds to something to still help her sleep but not be addictive. Only one more month and she’ll be off the ‘pams all togeather. She has taken the initiative to admit herself into a program and she is driving the whole process. I am simply helping /coaching her to become aware of the harm that she is doing to herself.
You may be asking, why am I telling you all of this? Well, I have not attended pride for many, many years. For me it it a symbol of everything I gave up the moment I stopped doing crystal. It’s the Christmas day of the gay community and every present is wrapped in drugs, alcohol and sex. I fondly remember wanting to go to every single event because I did not want to miss a moment. I fondly remember eagerly going to pickup my pass that would serve as my passport to the party.
I love writing for Gayguidetoronto.com Shaun Proulx, has been more than generous to me since I started writing. But never did I expect that I would receive the privilege of having access to all events at pride as media, for this generosity I am grateful. I accepted the gift with the thought that I would cover sober pride. It seems appropriate considering that I do speak about the subject often and that subject would limit me from having to attending the more hard core events.
Over the past few days my mother in law has been doing extremely well, well enough to go home for a few days and it has provided me much needed space to get back into my life. Which means that I got to be back on Facebook. When I first logged in, I was met with all this Pride Toronto stuff and the hard decision they have had to make. it bummed me out. I am not here to pass judgment on either side how ever I will say one thing this whole dilemma has made me question how much I really want to go to pride?
I am all about free speech and I am all about helping the underdog. Sorry I think it’s hard wired. The thought that any group within our community, weather I agree with their perspective or not to be asked not to attend just amazes me. I feel un-invited and I feel that any personal pride I did have, has been ripped out of me. We as a community did not start pride because we were told “we could” by our community or our government.
So in all of this I have a huge project, one that I am getting many wins and I have much pride! I am grateful for the opportunity however, strangely now going to pride seems like I’m only contributing to my clients addictions. After all, with all the fighting within the community what can I be proud of? We all seem so segmented to the point of no longer being unified.
So I have this pass. I have this great thing that’s happening in my family. I don’t feel very proud, I don’t party, and now I’m asking my community and you, why should I go?
