Not everyone knows this about me, but when I am not wandering around the city being Mr. Leatherman Toronto and claiming wolves ate my pants, I can be found watching horror movies. I am all about scary movies (Nicole Kidman in Bewitched does not count). So it pains me that all my favourite classic horror movies are getting big budget Hollywood remakes. First there was Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Amittyville Horror (both of which I actually felt improved on the original), then they went after Friday the 13th and Halloween… with a remake of Hellraiser in the works and A Nightmare on Elm Street in theatres my blackened little heart hurts when I think about the money bukake being made with the corpses of my favourite classics. And for those who aren’t familiar go stand in the corner; A Nightmare on Elm Street is about a burned man in a green and red sweater who uses his razor sharp claw/glove to hack his way through the children of those who burned him alive for murder by coming at the kids in their dreams.
So a little briefing on why A Nightmare on Elm Street has any place on a blog that is generally about all things homolicious. First of all I will direct you to the second film in the franchise which even has the lead going to a gay leather bar only to run into his gym teacher. But thats another post for another time. Gay men have especially strong affinities for strong female leads. And one of the best female leads in horror was Nancy. She was mousy and smart, had a hot boyfriend (Johnny Depp in his first movie). And most importantly she kicked some ass. When Freddy Kruger kills her pretty blond best friend, the bad ass boyfriend, and the adorable Glen (Depp), she takes extreme measures to defeat Kruger. She brings him in from the dream world into the real world and then uses a bunch of home made booby traps to defeat him. That description doesn’t do it justice, so I strongly suggest getting your ass to the video store and renting it!
Spoiler Warning Bitches!
Flash forward to the remake which should of been called Nightmare on Twilight Street. Gone is the strong smart Nancy with the drunk mother and distant father. Here we have a sullen mopey girl who spends her time drawing, being emotional and being oblivious to the advances of a boy at her school who is like a puffy less suave version of Edward Cullen. Nancy looses most of her confidance, and ends up navigating the unraveling of the mystery with her beau vs finding out on her own. This is not the Nancy who inspired a generation of girls and fags to be smart, resourceful and kick ass when being hunted down by a homocidal maniac in their dreams. Where is the girl who hides a coffee maker in the closet, sets trip wires and has the chutzpa to hold out on the sexual advances of a barely legal Johnny Depp?
What kind of message does it send to girls and gays to have the heroine reduced to a whiny little sad girl who manages to suddenly grow a pair at the very last minute out of necessity to save her sad little man friend? Gone is the smart edgy gorefest of my childhood. Hollywood raped its remains. Because Twilight is what sells tickets to the movies these days. Everyone needs to be emotionally distraught and chock full of emotion. I want a bad ass horror heroine and I want her now!
And now a video for those who may doubt how gay a major horror franchise can get… A clip from A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge…
