File this one under “Things I Don’t Expect At 46”.
I was in a business meeting recently when someone referred to my work with the line: “It’s just… gay.”
I felt like I’d been slapped in the face. I suddenly felt like I was a teenager being called faggot in school. I felt angry. I felt like I’d been personally insulted. I felt voiceless and without recourse. I suddenly felt like the outsider.
To be clear, the work had nothing to do with anything gay. There were no pink tiangles, rainbow flags, men, kissing or having sex. There was no “gay” whatsoever. I had never met the person who said it. I had no idea who they were or what their opinion of gay people was. So the effect it had in that two-second period of time was unexpected.
Funny, no one said anything about it afterward. Were they embarrassed? Were they not sure what to say? Did it even resonate with them because they are straight? Did it register as homophobic? Probably not.
I have a thick skin. I just hate it when a stupid, childish, moronic remark pierces it.
I hear kids say, “That’s so gay” to describe all sorts of things that are “uncool” or “lame” and it drives me crazy. I hear them say it in front of their parents with no dressing down or correction. I hear it becoming part of the popular vernacular, much to my chagrin.
On some level I get that the people who toss off that comment don’t understand what they are saying. But to someone who grew up being called “gay”, “faggot”, “queer”, “homo” and a litany of other derogatory insults, it hits like a hot slap…especially when it comes out of the mouth of an adult…in a business meeting.
Think before you open your mouth.
I actually got angry with myself for not saying anything. I was kind of stunned. I was literally dumbstruck. I have a thick skin. I just hate it when a stupid, childish, moronic remark pierces it. It’s amazing that what someone probably considered a benign, meaningless, silly remark has still got me angry days later.
A good rule: when you are on a business call, watch what you say because you never know who’s sitting on the other end of the line.
An even better rule: think before you open your mouth. Period.
