Today after work, I headed on over to Dollarama. Tonight I’m going to start constructing a prop for my Spray Cheese show on Saturday, so I figured I might as well pick up some supplies while I’m in the area.
While walking down an isle looking for brown paint, I witnessed a rather intense scene that had me in stitches. An elderly woman with a heavy Russian accent walked up to a Dollarama employee who looked suspiciously similar to Consezula, the mexican maid on Family Guy. (Ps. I’m impersonating Consezula Saturday during my show!) “Where can I find blue? I’m looking for pencil blue. I’m making a picture,” the elderly woman said in broken English. “Aisle 8,” said Consezula, as she continues staking scissors without making any eye contact with the customer. “You’ve told me Aisle 8 already! And Aisle 3!” said the frustrated customer. “Go ask the girl in Aisle 8,” said Consezula, who is now pointing and still refusing to make eye contact with the customer. I find my paint and start heading in the opposite direction.
I’m in Aisle 6, searching for foam board. The argument has somehow followed me. Now the woman is asking a male employee(who looks like a greasy porn star from the 90′s we’ll call Rico) which isle she can find her beloved blue pencils. Before I get to his response, let me just say this: I’m not a fan of Rico. Everytime I go into that Dollarama I somehow find myself at his cash register. He is always rude to me and I’m not exactly sure why. I will say ‘Hi” and he doesn’t answer. I just assumed he was a deaf mute or had a speech inpediment. So, I stopped caring. Well the other day, I was in line and he was the only register available. The guy before me walks up and Rico suddenly has a voice. “Hey dude, how’s it going?” he says. The customer and Rico joke around and partake in small talk. Clearly they have never met before but Rico decided to be friendly and wishes the man a good night. I walk up after the customer leaves, and I think ‘Ok, maybe he’ll finally have a personality.” I smile and say “Hi, how are you?” What do I get as a response? “You want a bag?” Somehow a little disappointed, I tell him ‘Yes’. Rico then hands me a bag and says ‘You can put your stuff in this one.” WTF! Aren’t you getting paid to bag my shit? Whatever!
Anyways, back to the story…
He shrugged and made little eye contact with the poor woman. “Ask her,” he said, pointing to Consezula who is now stacking ‘Welcome’ decorations at the end of the aisle. The irony is delicious! Consezula pays no attention to the customer and asks the male employee if he can stack the decorations because she isn’t tall enough. By now, the woman is beyond pissed. “Why is it when I come here you people don’t know where anything is?” she said. Amen sista!
This leads to Heroine Marks’ Mild Inconvenience of the Day: Dollarama employees
I know stacking toilet paper and dollarstore pregnancy tests are not the ideal job for most people, but if you’re going to work at Dollarama at least know where shit is! Dollarama employees are about as useful as using prayer for birth control. The best part of this story is that the woman complained to the manager while I was cashing out. “I was going to help her,” says Rico. “I don’t know why she is getting all mad.” Consezula, on the other hand, came up with another excuse. “I couldn’t understand her.”
Oh my.
Until next time…
With love and venom,
Heroine Marks
xoxo
