Who wants to have sex with David Letterman? Yea, neither do I. However, it seems a lot of women in his employ were made to feel it was a career option, hence the big discussion about sexual harassment in the media. I watched the video of Dave disclosing his peccadilloes and my first thought was, “His poor wife, she must be humiliated”. The second thought I had was how creepy it was that he was whoring his way through his own staff.
For the first couple of weeks it seemed Dave was off the hook. He was painted as the victim (!!) because he was targeted by an extortionist and then sort of a good guy for coming clean. It seemed no one was really pressing why he was flagrantly banging (or trying to bang) his employees. That all changed when the National Organization for Women took Dave to task, leveling sexual harassment charges at him. Good!
Is same sex sexual harassment even recognized?
This whole thing got me thinking about gay men and sexual harassment; or rather: does it even exist? Women being solicited by their male bosses for sex is recognized as inappropriate because of the gender bias in our society and also what’s a stake financially for the target of the advances (career, employment security, etc.). To a lesser extent, the reverse does happen. But when was the last time anyone ever mentioned same sex sexual harassment?
When I was around 20, I remember working at a clothing store where my boss (a man in his mid-thirties) kept making sexual innuendos toward me. Nothing was brazen, but rather subtle. I was not interested and felt uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I should confront him. I didn’t know if I should report him to head office. I was afraid I would lose my meager, low-paying, cruddy job – in a recession.
If I knew then what I know now, this guy would have ended up in court or in traction
Turns out, he fired me a short time later. It took a while but I put the experience behind me, not really knowing how to reconcile myself with it and feeling powerless. Any time I recalled the situation, I felt confused because I didn’t know if it really did qualify as harassment since we were both men. I know that sounds stupid, but as a man, I was never taught to look out for sexual harassment. This would not be the first or last situation I faced through my 20s.
I wonder how many other gay men have had experiences like this and never said anything because they either felt stupid, confused, powerless or somehow not sexually “evolved”. After all, isn’t every sexual advance supposed to be “hot” when you’re a homo? I can tell you, this was not hot, sexy or welcome. I can tell you that if I knew then what I know now, this guy would have ended up in court or in traction.
Hey, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean you can have your way!
