Taking Brandon Williams’ 100 Dream List challenge. First I tried not to read anyone else’s because my fear of judgment would have kicked in and I’d want mine to fall within what others where doing. Where there is humour there is truth, so think of that when I start to joke around a bit.
In the year 2002 I was very depressed. The partying, travel and sex had been extreme and through out that time I felt as if I lost my soul. At the age of 19, while living in the south of France, I used to go and sit on a bench in the old port of Marseilles. This was the perfect place to head back to in contemplation of what was going on, or wasn’t.
At that time, I fell into my Peggy Lee moment of, “Is that all that there is?” while metaphorically smoking an imaginary cigarette. I wrote a journal on the beaches of Nice instead of Marseilles – it’s too long of a story to explan that.
At the time I came up with four or five things. I still remember the date October 22, 2002. I wanted to get out of escorting, pursue my love of language, go to the Canterbury and stop the drugs and partying, and simply work on being happy.
Things have come a long way since then. This list reminded me of those days. I wouldn’t have been able to come up with 100 things, serious, realistic, or not.
Here are my 100. If I sat and thought about it longer I probably come up with a lot more. The formatting went a little off, in a moment of laziness, I’ve decided to fiddle around with spacing and alignment this morning.
- To be comfortable in my own skin
- To be a comedian
- To write and produce a one-man show
- To write a book
- Have great business smarts
- Explore creativity
- Get off of disability
- Grow old comfortably
- Be honest with everyone
10. Own my opinions
11. Be a leader in my community
12. Be the same person with my family as I am with my family of choice
13. Creating new dreams
14. Be a published writer in more venues
15. Keep my place as clean as Martha Stewart
16. To appear butch with my 2.5 pound Chihuahua
17. Have my PSTD dog stop shaking all the time
18. To live on Paris
19. Be perfectly bilingual in French
20. Not give a shit what people think about me
21. Learn how to cook well
22. Own my own house or condo
23. Meet Bette Midler
24. Meet Kathy Griffin
25. Be happy with my body
26. Get my inner confidence back
27. Have a warm location to escape winters
28. To achieve my goals
29. Be happy more often
30. Enjoy the moment
31. Be spiritual
32. To be able to return what I get from others
33. Keep my anger in check
34. Have a dog walker
35. Become a video artist
36. Live in Paris
37. Be in a loving relationship
38. Be financially independent
39. Express vulnerability
40. Lose all drama in life
41. Broaden my definition of success
42. Work in media
43. Let go and take down the walls
44. Not prefer my own company to those of others
45. Remain connected with my friends who live abroad
46. To explore the world
47. Learn to have gratitude for what I have in the moment.
48. Be able to master all the diverse interests that I have
49. Love myself for who I truly I am, not what I want to be
50. Be a leader not a follower
51. Have fashion sense – or have a full time fashion stylist shop for me
52. Spend more time with family
53. To be able to let go of whatever over which I have no control
54. Have a really nicely decorated and comfortable home
55. Scuba dive.
56. Be able to write and be able to have perfect grammar, and not have dyslexia
57. Read more
58. Be more culturally literate
59. Getting rid of judgment and gaining acceptance of others, even if they are doing me (perceived)wrong
60. To be fearless
61. To be the master of my own dreams – meaning taking control and making them happen
62. Not live in the mentality of what I cannot do.
63. Not be a victim to HIV - consistently
64. Be closer to my father
65. Let go of all shame
66. Not try to be anyone else
67. To have a place where I could have place full of animals
68. To pay income tax again
69. Feel the sense of fulfilment of achieving goals once again
70. To be a Harlette – inner drag queen dream
71. Get my bunions fixed
72. A cure for HIV
73. A rapid train link to Montreal
74. To live by the ocean or sea
75. Live in a warm climate
76. To be a father
77. Play the lottery
78. Win the lottery
79. Sipping off a caffé latte on the Italian Riviera
80. Be an actor – preferably sketch comedy (childhood dream)
81. To be a flight attendant on Pam Ann’s crew
82. Have all the plastic surgery I want for free
83. Be known as someone who makes them laugh – intentionally or unintentionally
84. Be able sing – an inner Celine Dion fantasy without René
85. Be able to speak as many languages as possible
86. Never crack under pressure
87. Visit the great white sharks again
88. Be uber smart – like Stephan Hawkings
89. Always be able to connect to the light
90. Have an endless source of inner peace and tranquility
91. Have a good enough memory to not forget what I’ve already written
92. To actually have complete alignment of my values and behaviour – can’t resist a bit of gossip.
93. To get rid of my internalized homophobia
94. To feel love in every cell of my body
95. Never be afraid of change
96. Understand to concept of infinity
97. Let go of reactive behaviour
98. Be able to sleep through anything
99. Learn how to write a song
100. Never stop evolving
